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08/10/2005 06:15:46 AM · #26 |
My wife stopped working when our second child was born. Although we could have used the extra income, we realized that no one could love our children as much as we do. In the early years, the children need a parents love. They need to be molded in a family environment, not in a place where they have to compete with 12 other four year olds (or whatever the age) in everything they do.
We now have three children, and the youngest is seven years old. My wife never returned to full time work. Instead, she does voluntary work a couple times a week. During the school year, she drives our children to and from school. My children know that either I or my wife will always be there for them.
We've chosen to do without a lot of things in this world. We can't afford fancy vacations or new cars. And when a vehicle breaks down, it puts a strain on our budget. But we wouldn't trade it for anything. No amount of money can buy the family relationship that we have.
You are stuck with a tough choice. I'll be praying for you that whatever choice you make, it's the right choice for YOUR family. Good luck (sorry about the long post). |
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08/10/2005 06:31:18 AM · #27 |
Ok here are my thoughts but the most important thing is that you do what is right for your family and not be swayed by others.
I am a Headteacher, like a principal in US, of a school for 2-11 year olds in the UK.
1. Your daughter is probably fine once you leave her. We see it all the time, children upset when Mum or Dad is leaving them and playing happily before their parents are out of the gate!
2.I don't know what the child/adult ratio is like in the US but in UK the ratio for under 3 is 4 -1 and between 3 and 5 it is 1-8. No group of children should be left playing alone outside - especially in a society where everyone sues for a minor accident.
3.If you need the $ it will not harm your child being left for part of the day with others. They grow up more independant and able to socialise which helps them settle into school and society. They also have a head start academically.
4. You might be like I was, a much more contented person by being able to work, which makes you a better mother when you are with them.
5. It's not the amount of time you spend with your children but the QUALITY of that time. So make it special, talking, playing,loving and focused on your child.
6.If you don't require the $ then you have the wonderful opportunity to really arrange your and your children's lives to suit your family.
7. Whatever decision you make, I promise the children will grow up happy as long as you have a happy family life!
Sorry for long post but that is my only advice for what it is worth!
:)
Pauline
Message edited by author 2005-08-10 11:48:06. |
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08/10/2005 11:56:39 AM · #28 |
Originally posted by GeneralE:
Has anyone noticed that there's no one answer which suits all kids or families? |
Yea, that is why at the very end of one of my posts, I encouraged her to do what was best for her daughter. ;) |
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08/10/2005 12:24:29 PM · #29 |
I really can't relate to this. My daughter will be 2 in November,
and my wife and I agreed before we had children that whom ever was
making the least amount of money at their job would quite to raise our,
children. So, I ended up being the one working! My wife has gotten
bored staying home all the time. So she recently started a home based
business. More or less just to keep her busy and to suppliment my
income, because I make just enough to pay our bills. So we really
don't have a lot of money to do some of the things that we want, but,
atleast we know that our child is being raised with our values and not
a daycare's values!(if they exist!)
edit: so, my advice; if you can make it with out the extra money, then
stay home! 0-5 yrs is the most important, and impressionable, years of
your childs life! They will either learn from you, or from someone else!
Message edited by author 2005-08-10 12:27:24. |
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08/10/2005 12:29:02 PM · #30 |
well shannon, I don't have children yet but I am a psych major and this is quite common: seperation anxiety. It does seem emotional and passionte but you need not to get excited when you come pick her up... instead wait till you get home and prior to dropping her off reward her for going. Working on her social skills with other children is most important for her development though it may be hard for you as a mom to watch. She will get better... I promise.
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08/10/2005 12:40:06 PM · #31 |
Lots of differing opinions, all valid as far as I am concerned. It comes down to the fact that you have to decide for yourself what's best for you and your family.
That said, here's a story from my family. My wife Brenda was a nurse when I met her, and had worked at a pediatric clinic for eight years when our oldest came along. She has related to me how she has seen SO many moms and dads struggle to get off work in order to get their kids to the doctor. One time in particular, a mom had to pick up a sick child from daycare and come to the pediatrician's office. The mom said that the childcare worker told her that her baby took her first steps today... woo hoo! It struck Brenda how much she would give up to go back to work when our kids were little.
My oldest is 18 now... seems like yesterday that he was in elementary school. Still, being a stay-at-home parent isn't for everyone (doing so would kill me, I'm sure), and circumstances don't always allow that option anyway. But my advice is to weigh the pros and cons thoughtfully, the early childhood years are so precious and fleeting. Good luck :o) |
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08/10/2005 12:57:59 PM · #32 |
Originally posted by NightShy:
I never had parents at home as a child because my parents were divorced when I was very young. I went to daycare when it was my mom's weekends and let me tell you, I will NEVER put my children in daycare! It wasn't a terrible experience, it wasn't dangerous to me, it wasn't even boring- but you have not strong bonds made and my mom missed out on me growing up.
While my dad worked (which I lived with him most of the time) I went to my wonderful Grandma's house. This is something I'm greatful for. My grandma is a strong, compassionate woman. I wasn't dumped there though, my dad always made a point to take my brother and sister and I camping often, have funny inside jokes with us, keep us all connected etc. That is a great alternative for dad's I think.
All in all, I wished I would've had a stay at home mom growing up, hoped that helped in any way. |
I will first say that if a daycare has to be in the picture than I second everything Laurie advised. It is accurate and a very good approach to daycare.
My first hope is what is echoed here in Katherine's post. I to come from a divorced family and I grew up with my mother. I never spent time with my father so that was an issue in itself. My mother was single until I was 10 and so it was either daycare, grandparents, church camps and so on. Luckily my mother was able to work for her parents and we stayed with our grandmother while she worked. I cannot remember a time from when I was 1 to 7 when we were away from our mother for an extended period of time. I think consistently being surrounded by some sort of family was the best place to grow up. If I had to be at a daycare type facility it was always a church camp or summer bible class. The first 3 years of my life I was at home with my mother. The only time I was ever left at a daycare was from 7 to 10 when we moved to the city away from other family and it was truly a crappy experience. Personally, I feel there are other ways to teach independance than forcing seperation through a daycare.
If daycare is a must I would want to be in a christian based organization.
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08/10/2005 01:09:36 PM · #33 |
I feel like you guys are being naieve or perhaps just missing a huge point. If your child was fine and happy you wouldn't have a problem- but you do, a dangerous one. I would not leave my child in that daycare one more day unless my family would starve. It's even worse that the ADULT didn't notice it!!! That scares me as I'm sure it does you too- the possibilities of what could have happened are mindnumbing! My heart is racing just thinking about my children in that situation! Get your child out of that daycare now- go to another one if you must but NOT THERE. Thank God your child hates it- otherwise how would you have known your four year old was completely unsupervised. (And by the way, have you thought about maybe the reason she freaks out is not so much that you aren't there, maybe this just is not a good environment- that was my initial reaction before I even read about the escape plan!) And does this mean your one year old is there too?
I am a stay at home mom (well- was) up untill three months ago. (boy & girl 3&4) And I know how it feels to be in your shoes. I was so happy when I went to work (albeit part time)- adult conversation, my mind is finally coming back and I haven't accidently told another adult that I have to "go potty" in months. But all kidding aside this is such an important thing- I agree wholeheartedly with bear. I will never regret my decision to stay home with my kids even tho it was hard- a strain physically, emotionallly and a sincere hardship monetarily.
Regarding daycare in general, while I understand what Lauriel is saying about routine karmat is right, every child is different. Perhaps you should change daycares for now- preschool is only a month off anyways. I feel that if you stoped bringing her now she would have a much harder time later because you are giving her the signal that if she acts this way you will change her mind and that is not the way the world works. |
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