Critique requested on a short film...

02/16/2005 08:54:06 PM · #1

Not technically photography, but it still is kinda :)

I've just finished making a music video for my coursework at school and was wondering if anyone had any opinions on it? //www.konador.com/evenindeath.wmv (probably best to download, not stream) There is sometimes a black outline and corners missing but when viewed on a TV the edges are cut off, so this is why.

A few things:
Do you understand what is happening?
Is the driving scene convincing enough or can you see the holes?

I need a new and critical eye as I have been working with it too long :)

Thanks!

02/16/2005 08:56:17 PM · #2

I got a msg saying server is not responding :(
edit: are you trying to play it from your desktop or something :S

Message edited by author 2005-02-16 20:57:13.

02/16/2005 08:58:43 PM · #3

I just tried clicking the link, it's definately working, maybe the server's having hiccups tho :(

02/16/2005 09:00:29 PM · #4

here's the link it tries to play from : file:///C:%5CDOCUME~1%5CADMINI~1%5CLOCALS~1%5CTemp%5C80aC0.htm
which is a bit odd, isn't it?

totaldis

Canon EOS-400D Rebel XTi

Canon EF 50mm f/1.8 II

02/16/2005 09:01:26 PM · #5

save it, dont click open

02/16/2005 09:02:47 PM · #6

Originally posted by totaldis:

save it, dont click open

aha! :) I didn't read after the link! I was expecting a stream :)

totaldis

Canon EOS-400D Rebel XTi

Canon EF 50mm f/1.8 II

02/16/2005 09:03:49 PM · #7

pretty good. an awful lot of fade in fade out transitions, but i guess it goes with the subject matter. is this a highschool or college course?

02/16/2005 09:07:03 PM · #8

Originally posted by totaldis:

pretty good. an awful lot of fade in fade out transitions, but i guess it goes with the subject matter.

Thanks :) Do you mean the bit with the cars, where each quick shot fades to black? I wasn't sure whether that was such a good idea but I wanted to portray them as sort of flashbacks, not showing the whole story.

Originally posted by totaldis:

is this a highschool or college course?

It's for my A-levels (I live in the UK) so I'm not sure what that is the equivilent of in America...

Canon EF 85mm f/1.2L II USM

02/16/2005 09:19:37 PM · #9

Ok, I have just seen it twice and I am really impressed. I think it's pretty good editing. The girl has done a great job, but I am not sure about the guy.
I really liked how you did the bit on the bridge after his death, moving the camera to show the bridge with the poster and the girl walking down with the flower. Loved that.
I really enjoyed the whole video. I think you have a 'gift'! You are extremely talented. I am sort of speechless. When I did my A Levels I couldn't have imagined anyting like that. Excellent stuff.

Joey Lawrence

PhaseOne P45

02/16/2005 09:59:02 PM · #10

Hey there.

I'm into making music videos and stuff too. I always end up doing my school projects as videos.

This video freakin blew me away, it's awesome for being made with a home movie camera. I love the play between the color/happiness and the blue-greyish/ sad tones... Premiere editting?
The driving crash scene is great, the spinning camera and quick pans really put you in the seat of the driver.
And oh yeah...Good song too. :-)

I'm curious about how you did the ghost scene. Is it just 2 different same-angled clips with the opacity down on one? It's great.

To critique, I feel a lot of the camera movements at the start were too shakey and not smooth. When the lovers were having there sort-of-stereotypical happiness, (I mean the flower...swingset..) smoother camera movements could have helped. For stuff like that, I don't use my tripod but instead a monopod. When used right, you can pivit it's only leg on the ground and lean wherever you want while still using the zoom.

One of the best parts is the start when she is walking. The music and stuff matches the editting there perfect.

Overall excellent job! You better get a fricken amazing mark.

-Joey Lawrence
(Home movie slut)

*Oh yeah, I forgot. The part where it shows the picture on the bridge of the couple and then the wind blows it over before she gets there...That was beautiful man. Nature was on your side that time. ;-)

Message edited by author 2005-02-16 22:01:22.

Cam

Sony DSC-F717

02/16/2005 10:36:59 PM · #11

I think it was great. Fantastic job.
They only wrecked because they where on the wrong side of the road. :)

Keep up the great work.

clicker

Canon PowerShot G2

02/16/2005 11:41:04 PM · #12

I get a full screen play without downloading.
I very much get the story line and what it is all about.
I think the music is excellent.
The altering combination of color and B/W seperates the timeline perfect.
However,I felt the close-up of her face while singing was a distraction and didn`t help convey her feelings of loss. Perhaps too close...
I like the part that she walks down the path, but the second cut of that becomes a bit overstated. A bit too much snaking there as well.
The part where they hold hands and circle is way too staged. It lacks true freedom of movement that conveys the carefree moment of love.
I love your edits and cuts on his driving/accident segment. Very well done!
For a class project, your concept of storyline, editing, cuts and fades is a precurser of a time when you kick Steven Speilberg out of his directors chair. Congratulations kid!

Discraft

Canon EOS-20D

Sigma 18-50mm f/2.8 EX DC for Canon

02/16/2005 11:52:23 PM · #13

I think it's really cool... i love the beging where the image is played with the sound, the part of the car is believable...
I like the transitions throught b&w and color. At the beging i have to agree to that theres a camera shake that it's not very good, but who am i to say this. :)
I like it when he gets in to the car and you make some stops with the filming while the music gets these strokes on destortion.
Overall i think it's a great short movie you got the message throught at least i understood it very well...
Hope you have a nice grade on this you well deserve it.

rblanton

Canon EOS-10D

Tamron SP AF 28-75mm f/2.8 XR Di for Canon

02/16/2005 11:55:22 PM · #14

Nice job all the way round. Very moody, ups and downs, music fits well, only glitch I saw was just after he touched her arm and he disappeared her movement seemed to lag a moment, may have been just the download lagging however. Looks like a lot of hard work went into this.

Message edited by author 2005-02-16 23:56:23.

Discraft

Canon EOS-20D

Sigma 18-50mm f/2.8 EX DC for Canon

02/16/2005 11:57:38 PM · #15

Originally posted by canoe3k:

nope i noticed the lag to... but that part is really great too. :)

clicker

Canon PowerShot G2

02/17/2005 02:01:30 AM · #16

Bump... If you missed it...

4score

Nikon D80

02/17/2005 02:18:40 AM · #17

It think it was a great job. I agree, one of the most powerful scenes was when the wind blew the sign on the bridge. (BTW...is that bridge in the challenge?) I also enjoyed the flower falling on the ground and the transition. The one recommendation I would have is casting. Not to offend anyone (you, or the actor), but the guy could have been cast better IMO. All in all, very well done. You've got a future there!

Curious

Canon EOS-600D/T3i Rebel

Canon EF-S 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6

02/17/2005 02:37:33 AM · #18

I think it rocks Bro'. The last scene is a killer. You really nailed the dark and edgey aspects of the story. If you're interested in some constructive criticism I think the "rosey" scenes look a little stunted or aprehensive. Man I know how hard it is to keep the whole construct in your head and to get it laid out like that. Awesome job man. You'll go far.

Kieran.

clenny

Nikon D700

Nikon AF Nikkor 50mm f/1.4D

02/17/2005 02:49:07 AM · #19

I used to do a lot of videos back in high school too, but yours is way better than any of mine =). I thought the crash scene was very realistic, but I think I noticed a frame "clip" near the end of the video just as the boyfriend fades away. Goodjob though!

Message edited by author 2005-02-17 02:49:38.

Nikon AF Nikkor 50mm f/1.8D

02/17/2005 10:14:19 AM · #20

Originally posted by Joey Lawrence:

I love the play between the color/happiness and the blue-greyish/ sad tones... Premiere editting?

Yeh I used Adobe Premier for the editing. Knowing photoshop and editing my photos actually helped quite a bit when trying to make the home video footage look more professional, as that's what I have to try and do with my photos all the time :P

Originally posted by Joey Lawrence:

I'm curious about how you did the ghost scene. Is it just 2 different same-angled clips with the opacity down on one? It's great.

Yeh I filmed that bit twice, once with the boyfriend and once without, abd then layered the boyfriend one over the top at about 43% opacity. The problem is that when the girl moves slightly you can see her double offset from her. This morning I figured out how to fix this, and used the crop tool to crop her out of the boyfriend layer until he gets close, at which point she's in exactly the same position. Also, thanks to comments on here, I've fixed the frame clip where the girl jumps after the ghost disappears by doing a fade rather than a cut. It helps a lot, thanks guys for the critiques!

Originally posted by Joey Lawrence:

To critique, I feel a lot of the camera movements at the start were too shakey and not smooth. When the lovers were having there sort-of-stereotypical happiness, (I mean the flower...swingset..) smoother camera movements could have helped. For stuff like that, I don't use my tripod but instead a monopod. When used right, you can pivit it's only leg on the ground and lean wherever you want while still using the zoom.

Thanks for the advice! I don't have a monopod as I never really understood their purpose but now I see where they would be very useful :) I wanted slight camera shake in those scenes to make it look like true 'home video' footage that she has on tape and watches all the time, but perhaps the shake is too much or my intentions aren't obvious enough? I'll definately rethink that area :)

Originally posted by 4score:

Thanks for the tips on casting too. I did have a bit of trouble with that, as I wanted a candid feel to the 'together scenes' and I thought the best way to do that would be to have a real couple. It didn't really work out that great as they do still look a bit staged, and neither of them are really actors, just friends who were happy to help me out :)

The bridge isn't in the current bridge challenge no, but you might recognise it from the 'From Above' challenge...

Thanks for all the advice and praise guys, I really do appreciate it! :)

Message edited by author 2005-02-17 10:19:09.

magicshutter

Nikon D70

02/17/2005 11:29:53 AM · #21

I have to say I liked it alot more the second time. I would really like to see the full res version. I really enjoyed this and thought it was well done. Lots of emotion. Since you asked I have a few things to add.

I think some of the timing could have been better... i.e. when the song sings about the soft things he spoke to her he should be speaking into her ear (he actually does it just after)

I thought the first part dragged on a little bit but that's how the song goes and I don't blame you. I think you did a wonderful job leading up to my favorite part.

The car stuff was my favorite.. I heard someone say there were too many ins and outs.. I disagree, this was done perfectly. the first time I watched it made me all nervous. Gave me that unease in my spine.. True genious.

I really thought the ghost part at the end was an awesome touch and well done at that. All in all I'd say you passed, with bells on.

Edit: about the car part. I really think this holds it all together. I do feel on the other hand the rest of the video gets overshadowed by it, almost like you spent most of the time on that part. Great stuff, I'll be looking for your stuff on television

Message edited by author 2005-02-17 11:31:54.

tolovemoon

Canon EOS Rebel SL1

Canon EF-S 55-250mm f/4-5.6 IS

02/17/2005 11:52:56 AM · #22

I tell you one thing, you better not forget us when you are working with the big ones like Steven Spielberg, Liz Friedlande, Hank Azaria ect.....!!

That was rocking good!! Love the way you made it all evenly change to the music ... I say you would even get an award for that one... keep up the great work!

Alecia

Canon EOS-10D

02/17/2005 12:00:13 PM · #23

oh i love it, punkin! i will watch it again after work, but after just a quick view of it...it's really good. i dont mind the fades as they go with the beat, the car cuts are great...and the ghost part even gave me chills...really good stuff!