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10/16/2013 11:14:01 AM · #1 |
Since it's in the US news lately and let's face it, they are the same everywhere....
Take an image that depicts a constructive use for a politician (boat anchor, target holder e.t.c.). Advanced editing I guess :-) |
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10/16/2013 02:03:10 PM · #2 |
Do you mean something like cannon fodder as shown Here
Ray |
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10/16/2013 03:58:19 PM · #3 |
| I tried using a politician for bait, but the sharks wouldn't bite, some nonsense about professional courtesy. |
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10/16/2013 05:01:52 PM · #4 |
Originally posted by Spork99:
I tried using a politician for bait, but the sharks wouldn't bite, some nonsense about professional courtesy. |
I heard the same thing regarding alligators.
Seems that after they finished kicking all the shit out of politician that there was nothing left to eat. :O)
Ray |
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10/16/2013 05:04:28 PM · #5 |
What do you call a group of skydiving politicians?
Skeet. |
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10/16/2013 05:19:04 PM · #6 |
Originally posted by Bear_Music:
What do you call a group of skydiving politicians?
Skeet. |
... and if you miss, you can call them "fill" :O)
Ray |
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10/16/2013 05:20:51 PM · #7 |
How do you tell if a politician is lying?
Their lips are moving. |
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10/17/2013 11:25:29 AM · #8 |
Originally posted by markwiley:
How do you tell if a politician is lying?
Their lips are moving. |
Some of them talk out of their other end. |
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10/17/2013 01:04:24 PM · #9 |
Originally posted by Spork99:
Originally posted by markwiley:
How do you tell if a politician is lying?
Their lips are moving. |
Some of them talk out of their other end. |
I have always been envious of that skill..... when I stand on my hands the blood runs to my head and I fall down - I just cannot make sounds well enough to sound like language especially with the blood running to my head :-) |
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10/17/2013 01:07:49 PM · #10 |
Originally posted by Spork99:
Originally posted by markwiley:
How do you tell if a politician is lying?
Their lips are moving. |
Some of them talk out of their other end. |
You can still see their lips moving ...
************
Around election time I passed an older gentleman in his yard and noticed he had several signs, each proclaiming support for a different political candidate. "I guess you can't make up your mind," I said to him.
"That's not it," he smiled. "My grass was looking a little brown, so I thought I'd put in some fertilizer sticks."
*************
Little Billy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
So he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send Billy a $5.00 bill. President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
Billy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:
Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.
Thanks,
Billy
Message edited by author 2013-10-17 13:46:12. |
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10/17/2013 01:39:06 PM · #11 |
If I Only Had A Brain...
A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points.
After a battery of physical and psychological tests, the center's director told him that he was an acceptable candidate.
"That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive."
"Yes, sir, it can," the director replied. "An ounce of accountant's brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist's brain costs two thousand; an ounce of a corporate president's is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a politicians brain is seventy-five thousand dollars."
"Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a politician's brain? Why on earth is that?"
"Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many politicians we would have to kill?" |
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10/17/2013 01:59:33 PM · #12 |
| Lemmings with suicide vests |
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10/17/2013 02:04:35 PM · #13 |
Originally posted by GeneralE:
If I Only Had A Brain...
A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points.
After a battery of physical and psychological tests, the center's director told him that he was an acceptable candidate.
"That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive."
"Yes, sir, it can," the director replied. "An ounce of accountant's brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist's brain costs two thousand; an ounce of a corporate president's is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a politicians brain is seventy-five thousand dollars."
"Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a politician's brain? Why on earth is that?"
"Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many politicians we would have to kill?" |
The way I've heard that one, is "Because it's never been USED!" |
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10/17/2013 02:08:46 PM · #14 |
Like a Surgeon...Hey!
Five Surgeons are discussing the types of people they like to operate on.
The first surgeon says:
"I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds:
"Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says:
"No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in:
"You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed:
"You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine. Plus, the head and the [rear end] are interchangeable." |
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10/17/2013 02:10:10 PM · #15 |
Originally posted by Bear_Music:
The way I've heard that one, is "Because it's never been USED!" |
I know that as the punchline to the version about heart transplants and lawyers ... |
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10/17/2013 02:28:33 PM · #16 |
Originally posted by GeneralE:
Like a Surgeon...Hey!
Five Surgeons are discussing the types of people they like to operate on.
The first surgeon says:
"I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds:
"Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says:
"No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in:
"You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed:
"You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine. Plus, the head and the [rear end] are interchangeable." |
Hey! that one even exists in Dutch :) Heard it this week on the radio. Looks like politicians are indeed all the same anywhere in the world ;) |
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10/17/2013 04:34:11 PM · #17 |
District of Columbia Mayor Anthony A. Williams:
"I want to die in Chicago so I can remain politically active."
******************
Originally posted by RayEthier:
On a recent public relations trip through a Mohawk Casino, a high ranking government official met with the elders of the Mohawk Nation.
He said he had a plan to improve the income of every native by $60,000.00 a year.
Details of the plan were not presented despite frequent requests to do so. He also informed the elders that he favoured every native issue proposed or sent to him for his signature.
The official was adopted as a member of the Mohawk Nation and given the name Walking Eagle.
After he left, one of his aides asked one of the elders about the significance of the name " Walking Eagle."
His response---" Bird so full of crap it can't fly |
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