Thought this was funny. :-)
Washington DC - Congress today announced that the Office of President of
the United States will be outsourced to overseas interests as of June 30th,
the end of this fiscal year. The move is being made to save $400K a year in
salary, a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead.
"The cost savings will be quite significant" says Congressman Adam Smith (D
-Wash) who, with the aid of the GAO (the General Accounting Office) has
studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We simply can no longer
afford this level of outlay and remain competitive in the world stage,"
Congressman Smith said.
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of the termination of his
position. He will receive health coverage, expenses and salary until his
final day of employment. After that, with a two week waiting period, he
will then be eligible for $240 dollars a week from unemployment insurance
for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be able to receive state Medicaid
health insurance coverage as his unemployment benefits are over the
required limit.
Preparations have been underway for some time for the job move. Sanji
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the
Office of President of the United States as of July 1. Mr. Singh was born
in the United States while his parents were here on student visas, thus
making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320
(USD) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits. Due to the
time difference between the US and India, Mr. Singh will be working
primarily at night, when office s of the US Government will be open.
"I am excited to serve in this position," Mr. Singh stated in an exclusive
interview. "Working nights will let me keep my day job at the American
Express call center. I always knew I could be President someday."
Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not be fully
aware of all the issues involved with his new position. A Congressional
Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script tree to follow
which will allow him to respond to most topics of concern. The Spokesperson
further noted that "additional savings will be realized as these scripting
tools have been successfully used by Mr. Bush and will enable Mr. Singh to
provide an answer without having to fully understand the issue itself."
Mr. Bush has been offered the use of a Congressional Page to help him write
a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to
Manpower, Inc., the placement firm, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in
securing a new position, as job prospects in the Sports Franchise Ownership
arena remain limited. A recently released report from the Pentagon suggests
a good prospect for him as a newly unemployed person may be in the Army
National Guard. There he would
be called up with his unit and stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited
briefly before. "I've been there, I know all about Iraq and the conditions
there," stated Mr. Bush. He gained invaluable knowledge of the country in
his first visit at the Baghdad Airport non-smoking terminal and gift shop.
Meanwhile in Baghdad and Falluja, Iraq, sources report that local Iraqis
say Mr. Bush would receive an especially warm reception from them. Such
sources stated the Iraqis only request would be to be informed of which
convoy he would be riding in order to give him the welcome he deserves.
Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibi lities including
that of Vice-president and most Cabinet positions.
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