BOLCOM: LIME JELLO MARSHMALLOW COTTAGE CHEESE SURPRISE - Lyrics
(spoken throughout - `pitches` ad lib):
LADIES, THE MINUTES WILL SOON BE READ TODAY.
THE GARDEN CLUB AND WEAVING CLASS
I`M SURE HAVE MUCH TO SAY...
BUT NEXT WEEK IS OUR CULTURE NIGHT,
OUR BIGGEST, BEST EVENT,
AND I`VE JUST MADE A DISH FOR IT
YOU`LL ALL FIND HEAVEN SENT:
IT`S MY LIME JELLO MARSHMALLOW COTTAGE CHEESE SURPRISE
WITH SLICES OF PIMENTO,
(YOU WON`T BELIEVE YOUR EYES,)
ALL TOPPED WITH A PINEAPPLE RING
AND A DASH OF MAYONAISE,
MY VANILLA WAFERS `ROUND THE EDGE
WILL WIN YOUR HIGHEST PRAISE.
AND MISSUS JONES IS MAKING SCONES
THAT ARE FILLED WITH PEANUT MOUSSE;
TO BE FOLLOWED BY A CHICKEN MOLD
THAT`S MADE IN THE SHAPE OF A GOOSE.
FOR LADIES WHO MUST WATCH THOSE POUNDS
WE`VE FOUND A SPECIAL DISH:
STRAWBERRY ICE
ENSHRINED IN RICE
WITH BITS OF TUNA FISH.
AND MY LIME JELLO MARSHMALLOW COTTAGE CHEESE SURPRISE
(TRULY A CREATION THAT DESCRIPTION DEFIES)
WILL GO SO WELL
WITH MISSUS BELL`S CREATION OF THE WEEK:
SHRIMP SALAD TOPPED WITH CHOC`LATE SAUCE
AND GARNISHED WITH A LEEK.
AND MISSUS PERKINS` WALNUT LOAF
THAT`S CROWNED WITH MELTED CHEESE
WAS SUCH A HIT LAST CULTURE NIGHT,
WE ASK: NO SECONDS PLEASE!
NOW YOU MUST TRY
HER HOT DOG PIE
WITH CANDIED MUSHROOM SLICES...
THOSE LADIES WHO RESIGNED LAST YEAR,
THEY JUST DON`T KNOW WHAT NICE IS!
BUT MY LIME JELLO MARSHMALLOW COTTAGE CHEESE SURPRISE,
I DID NOT STEAL THAT RECIPE,
IT`S LIES,
I TELL YOU, LIES!
OUR GRAND AWARD:
A PICTURE HAT
AND A SALMON SEQUINED GOWN
FOR ANY GIRL WHO TRIES EACH DISH
AND KEEPS HER WHOLE LUNCH DOWN.
I`M SURE YOU ALL ARE WAITING
FOR THE BIGGEST NEWS: DESERT!
WE`VE THOUGHT OF THINGS
IN MOLDS AND RINGS
YOUR DIET TO SUBVERT.
YOU MUST TRY OUR CHOC`LATE LAYER CAKE
ON A PEANUT BRITTLE BASE
WITH SLICES OF BANANAS
THAT MAKE A FUNNY FACE.
AROUND THE EDGES PEPPERMINTS
JUST SWIMMING IN PEACH CUSTARD,
WITH LOVELY LITTLE CURLICUES
OF LOVELY YELLOW MUSTARD!
IF ALL THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR YOU,
PERMIT ME TO ADVISE
MORE LIME JELLO MARSHMALLOW COTTAGE CHEESE SURPRISE!
(I`VE MADE HEAPS!)
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