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07/29/2004 04:38:37 PM · #1 |
Ya'll might have seen these before but they are still good for a laugh...
Only in America......do drugstores make the sick people walk all the way to
the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can
buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and
a diet coke.
Only in America.....do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens
to the counters.
Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.
Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process
so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking
creatures'.
Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering.
EVER WONDER ....
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made
with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't
they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? |
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07/29/2004 04:44:12 PM · #2 |
In the same vein:
Who closes the door after the bus driver gets off the bus?
Why are pizza boxes square when the pizza is round?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
Can blind people see their dreams?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
AND:
There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. And while no one knows what is in a hot-dog, you can be pretty sure it isn’t canine.
English muffins were not invented in England nor French Fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
Quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and guinea pigs Are neither from Guinea nor are they a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, and hammers don’t ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose. 2 meese? Is cheese the plural of chose?
One mouse, 2 mice. One louse, 2 lice. One house, 2 hice?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down.
You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
You get in and out of a car, yet you get on and off a bus.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
When I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay I end it.
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07/29/2004 04:54:40 PM · #3 |
Originally posted by digistoune:
EVER WONDER ....
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
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Hair is a non-living protein which chemically bleaches under the action of ultraviolet light. Skin is a living tissue whose melanocytes (cells) produce additional melanin (dark stuff) in response to ultraviolet light.
Originally posted by digistoune:
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
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Even worse, why is "abbr." the abbreviation for the word "abridged?"
Originally posted by digistoune:
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
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Perhaps because medicine is considered as much an art as a science, and without constant practice one's skills get as rusty as an unused scalpel.
Originally posted by digistoune:
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
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What would the bats eat?
Originally posted by digistoune:
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
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It's too heavy, lacking in tensile strength, and orange.
Originally posted by digistoune:
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
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Precisely. : ) |
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07/29/2004 04:56:05 PM · #4 |
Originally posted by airatic:
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? |
I guess you'll get developed ... |
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07/29/2004 04:57:29 PM · #5 |
| BTW: The pizza boxes are square because otherwise the box would cost more than the pizza inside. |
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07/29/2004 04:59:46 PM · #6 |
| Hmmm ... I see you've been watching the "word guy" on PBS .... |
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07/29/2004 05:11:36 PM · #7 |
Originally posted by GeneralE:
BTW: The pizza boxes are square because otherwise the box would cost more than the pizza inside. |
That, and it would be harder to pry out the pizza if it extended to the edge of the box in every direction, well....slightly (I know, there are square pizza's that come in square boxes) |
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