Question for anyone that has a teen, or ever had..

Canon EF 24-105mm f/4.0L IS

10/26/2013 09:58:50 PM · #1

a teen... Is it now the "norm" to want to make friends with your teens friends parents?

My son has been hanging around with this girl at least a year. She's here a lot, he's there a lot. They go to the same school, go to the same after school clubs. My son has gone to Atlantic City on a train with her and her father to a concert. I've taken her with us to the zoo and aquarium. Etc. All of a sudden, the mother is calling me wanting to get together to "get to know each other better". My son is 14. They're not getting married. They're not even dating. He has a girlfriend. They are friends. I've met both parents. I know their names, where they live (as I'm usually the chauffeur) and their phone number. And they know mine. Is there really a need for more? I don't have time to hang out with my own friends, people I would actually want to spend time with. So, what would you do?

ShutterPug

Canon EOS-6D

10/26/2013 10:03:39 PM · #2

She may just want to know you since her child is in your care from time to time. As a mother, I know I wanted to know the parent of friends if they were going to be driving my child around. They way they keep their house, care for their own children, treat pets etc. gives many clues as to whether you feel safe leaving your child in their care. I would have no problem with a parent wanting to know me.

scalvert

Canon EOS-5D Mark III

Canon EF 24-105mm f/4.0L IS

10/26/2013 10:11:20 PM · #3

Wear a chicken costume. Their reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

Sony 24-70mm F4 Vario-Tessar T* FE OSS

10/26/2013 10:16:19 PM · #4

I don't think that's what this is Linda. I've been driving her daughter around for a year now. We've met, more than once. They've been to my house. Met my dog, my granddaughter, my daughter and husband. It feels more like she's trying to find a friend. And I just don't have time to add to my list of people that need my attention. I try not to judge children by their parents. The reason I'm usually the one doing the driving is because she seems to be "medicated" most of the time. Though I don't know the reason for it as I don't think it's any of my business. The kids spend most of their time at my house playing video games. And she's usually reluctant to go home.

There has only been 2 kids I've requested my son stop hanging around with, but it was based on their actions, not their parents.

Bear_Music

Samsung Galaxy S24 Ultra

10/26/2013 10:21:44 PM · #5

No, it's not the new "norm". And I'd draw the line pronto, if you haven't already, or you're going to be spending energy you can't afford on this non-relationship.

Sony 24-70mm F4 Vario-Tessar T* FE OSS

10/26/2013 10:32:42 PM · #6

Originally posted by Bear_Music:

No, it's not the new "norm". And I'd draw the line pronto, if you haven't already, or you're going to be spending energy you can't afford on this non-relationship.

What I told her is that I have a very busy week ahead, but if she wanted to stop by for a few minutes on Tuesday after the kids get out of art club she could stop by. It was a very surreal phone conversation. I had a car accident last week (rear ended by someone on a cell phone), my car is in the shop and I'm driving a rental. I told her I'm at the whim of the collision shop, when my car is done I need to return my rental and pick it up. I'm going to Boo at the Zoo tomorrow. I'm babysitting till 7 pm every night of the week, Wednesday is trunk or treat at the school, Thursday is Halloween. I really just don't have time. She was so persistent I finally gave in. But I want to cut it off when she comes. I've been trying to get together with an actual friend for over a month, and both of our schedules haven't permitted. So I'm feeling really put out by this. I'm just not sure how to go about putting the brakes on this.

Bear_Music

Samsung Galaxy S24 Ultra

10/26/2013 11:55:00 PM · #7

A few years ago I met a fellow and his wife I found fascinating. We seemed to hit it off rather well, in their place of business. I suggested perhaps getting together for dinner someday, and he told me point-blank that he and his wife have no extra time for socializing. That worked :-)

RayEthier

Canon EOS-5D Mark II

Canon EF-S 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6 USM

10/27/2013 01:37:05 AM · #8

Originally posted by Bear_Music:

A few years ago I met a fellow and his wife I found fascinating. We seemed to hit it off rather well, in their place of business. I suggested perhaps getting together for dinner someday, and he told me point-blank that he and his wife have no extra time for socializing. That worked :-)

I am convinced that this poor soul never had the pleasure of feasting on one of your culinary delights... I know I have and there is no way I would turn down any invitation of having dinner with you.

Ray

hihosilver

Nikon D200

Nikon AF-S Zoom-Nikkor 28-70mm f/2.8D IF-ED

10/27/2013 01:37:33 AM · #9

As the mother of two daughters (11 and 13), I hear you, Kelli!

Generally, I've noticed that Moms who team up on a personal level end up working together as a close network for the kids...almost like an extended family. So, to her, this request may seem a natural course of evolution in her network for her daughter. I know quite a few moms who frequently get together for "happy hour" or shopping, and they trade their time generously driving and supporting each other's kid activities. As a natural hermit, I am not one of these cozy type of Moms. But, I am very careful to connect openly into the parental network of my kids.

Why not incorporate her wish to get to know you better through an activity with the kids where you two may have time to talk, but not necessarily be "stuck" one on one. Halloween is a hugely social time, and actually, I've gotten to know quite a few parents through Halloween events. Just a thought that instead of resisting the flow of her request, perhaps incorporating her into your flow of life through your connected children maybe easier.

Personally, if a parent made that insistent invitation of me, I'd wonder if they didn't have an underlying request that they really wanted to talk about. But, I'm very direct and would probably just ask.

P.S. Puppy Bear never invited me to dinner...*pout*

Message edited by author 2013-10-27 01:38:24.

vawendy

Sony Alpha 1

Sony FE 200-600mm f/5.6-6.3 G OSS

10/27/2013 11:58:28 AM · #10

Sounds like she's just trying to make a new friend.

And yes -- it is the new norm -- but not at that age. Usually this happens when the kids are in pre-school or kindergarten. The neighbors around her have a big friend group. Book club, keno, breakfast after the first day of school, and closer relationships between a number of them/us. But that was developed when the kids were quite young, not at this late of an age. I'm guessing that she's low on friends, or lost one recently and is filling the gap. If you don't want to be as blatant as Bear's person, you could just say, "Things are so crazy, maybe after the first of the year". Long enough time for almost anyone to get the drift. And if they don't, far enough away, that maybe they'll forget by after the 1st of the year. And plausible enough to believe.