Would it be rude??? - DPChallenge Forums

03/12/2012 03:03:40 PM · #1

Just got news that my husband's grandfather was taken off of life support. We plan on traveling to attend the funeral.
He was a Vietnam Vet, so it will be a military style funeral. This is something I would love to capture, for the memories, to tribute him.
But would it be rude to photograph the funeral?

Currently, I'm not on the best terms with my in-laws, due to some mistakes that I have made, to the point that they won't even acknowledge me. And I don't' want to step on anyone's toes, or create more bad blood. So what does one do in a situation like this?

If I had been older at my grandfather's funeral, I would have definitely captured the time. But I was only 14 or so. He was also a war vet, fighting in the Korean War.

Any insight?

Mike

Tamron SP 24-70mm f/2.8 Di VC USD Canon Mount

03/12/2012 03:07:34 PM · #2

i dont think so, there was a article in a i cant remember what magazine about funeral photography, apparently you can hire photographers to do this.

mbrutus2009

Nikon D850

Nikon AF-S Nikkor 16-35 f/4 ED VR

03/12/2012 03:09:57 PM · #3

Have you asked your husband?

Me personally wouldn't do it unless I had permission from your husband. Tell him to let people know that you plan on making a scrapbook or photo album for it. Might be a good opportunity to give yourself a good name again if you do it and give an album to the grandmother (if she is still alive) and maybe each of the brothers and sisters of your husband.

Wouldn't be too expensive to put together a photo album for each family...

That's just my take on it.

Canon EF 24-105mm f/4.0L IS

03/12/2012 03:10:37 PM · #4

Originally posted by mike_311:

i dont think so, there was a article in a i cant remember what magazine about funeral photography, apparently you can hire photographers to do this.

I've heard about that. And I know that most people wouldn't think to do something like that, but I think that looking back on the time, it would be a good thing to be able to show to future generations. As for the current generations, if it was done graciously, and with class, then it could really serve as a tribute to who he was and what he meant to the family.
Thanks for the input.

Cuttooth

Canon EOS R

03/12/2012 03:11:31 PM · #5

for me i don't think it would be rude. i guess it will really depend on your spouse's family.

at my father's funeral, who was also a korean war vet, we (my sibs and me) took pictures of the funeral and the burial.

Google Glass Google Glass

03/12/2012 03:13:11 PM · #6

Originally posted by mbrutus2009:

Definitely will talk to the hubby about it. It's not something I would do without his permission. I just wanted to get some insight from some other photographers on what they would do. If it's unacceptable to do at something like this.

Also, I would want to put a scrapbook together, mostly for my father-in-law, as he worshiped the ground his dad walked on. The grandmother passed about 3 years ago, so it's a difficult time for everyone involved.

And honestly, I don't like showing so much emotion, perhaps it would take my mind off of the "sad" factor. As selfish as that might sound.

ambaker

Canon EF 70-200mm f/2.8L USM

03/12/2012 03:13:16 PM · #7

As mentioned above, let your husband run interference for you. Tastefully and respectully done, this could help restore you in their eyes.

03/12/2012 03:15:51 PM · #8

Ask permission first. Even if you don't technically need it, having it gives you more confidence to shoot the event and if someone asks you what you're doing you'll have an easy answer to give them.

Message edited by author 2012-03-12 15:16:17.

03/12/2012 03:18:03 PM · #9

I do agree with the whole "permission" thing, and that's a definite.
Thanks again to everyone who have helped with their thoughts.

Mike

Tamron SP 24-70mm f/2.8 Di VC USD Canon Mount

03/12/2012 03:18:17 PM · #10

i could see it not being an issue for a military style funeral since you are documenting an honored military ritual. im not sure I'd be too comfortable if someone were photographing me mourn at a traditional funeral.

on that note i think id try to stay way out of the way and not point the camera at mourners, keep the lens on the military personnel and procedure.

Message edited by author 2012-03-12 15:18:54.

Nikon AF-S Nikkor 16-35 f/4 ED VR

03/12/2012 03:20:28 PM · #11

Originally posted by mike_311:

True enough. Was thinking of shooting with my 100mm f2.0, or even my 70-300mm f4-5.6. Being in the back of the room, so that I wouldn't appear less visible. Thoughts?

Message edited by author 2012-03-12 15:21:00.

mbrutus2009

Nikon D850

03/12/2012 03:21:50 PM · #12

Originally posted by mike_311:

on that note i think id try to stay way out of the way and not point the camera at mourners, keep the lens on the military personnel and procedure.

Good note to keep in mind...

03/12/2012 03:27:03 PM · #13

Originally posted by dyridings:

I do agree with the whole "permission" thing, and that's a definite.
Thanks again to everyone who have helped with their thoughts.

If you're not familiar with military funerals you may want to do a little research first and also ask if you can get an event agenda. I've only done one and it was a military / freemason funeral and it kept me moving around.

Canon EF-S 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6 IS

03/12/2012 03:29:05 PM · #14

Originally posted by mbrutus2009:

Originally posted by mike_311:

on that note i think id try to stay way out of the way and not point the camera at mourners, keep the lens on the military personnel and procedure.

Good note to keep in mind...

Those could be great pictures that even the family would want. However, sticking a camera in their face isn't a good idea so I would recommend staying back and using a zoom.

Message edited by author 2012-03-12 15:29:35.

CNovack

Canon EOS-600D/T3i Rebel

03/12/2012 03:29:35 PM · #15

Originally posted by mbrutus2009:

First off, my condolences on the loss.

Marko, has a very good point - first and foremost ask your husband on his feelings about the issue. If he is comfortable with it and agrees to speak along side you before the funeral then I would proceed to the second issue you mentioned.

Second to consider is:

Originally posted by dyridings:

Currently, I'm not on the best terms with my in-laws, due to some mistakes that I have made, to the point that they won't even acknowledge me.

Most likely if you just show up snapping pictures you are going to further isolate these in-laws. This is an emotional time regardless that 'it was his time'. When emotions run high, then things done with good intentions not communicated before and agreed upon by all the close parties can quickly get ugly. I also think you are going to have carefully consider the emotions and feelings of the members of the family -how do you think they will respond if you even approach the subject of taking pictures.

As I mentioned if your husband is comfortable with the idea then you both need to approach the family with the request that this is going to be done in a fashion that honors his life. And I stress LIFE - a photo book with pictures put in the album with stories and mayhap one page that shows some of the funeral will be much more likely favorably accepted. I think it also best to avoid facial shots as that no one who is sad wants a camera pointed their way. Shots like the hands receiving/holding the flag from the casket. But bottom line this is a time for family to gather, console, and commemorate the loss of a loved one and some may take the idea of taking pictures as turning it into a show or that it is morbid. If you do approach the family choose your words carefully and respectfully.

hahn23

Canon EOS-5D Mark IV

Canon EF 24-105mm f/4.0L IS II USM Lens

03/12/2012 03:35:28 PM · #16

It's a tough assignment to photograph a funeral. I just finished one last Friday.

I was asked to perform this task by the widow and her family. So, they knew me and knew I had been asked to capture some images. That said, it was still uncomfortable for me.

It helps to be as inconspicuous as possible. Not once did I try to arrange groups of people, like I would have done at a wedding. And, I listened with attention to times of silence, times of prayer, important points in the eulogy. I mean there are just some times to keep that shutter quiet and show respect for the privacy of the mourners.

I never got the idea that photography at the funeral was considered rude. But, it was good to mostly just be a part of the mourning group.

03/12/2012 03:46:36 PM · #17

Originally posted by hahn23:

It's a tough assignment to photograph a funeral. I just finished one last Friday.

I was asked to perform this task by the widow and her family. So, they knew me and knew I had been asked to capture some images. That said, it was still uncomfortable for me.

It helps to be as inconspicuous as possible. Not once did I try to arrange groups of people, like I would have done at a wedding. And, I listened with attention to times of silence, times of prayer, important points in the eulogy. I mean there are just some times to keep that shutter quiet and show respect for the privacy of the mourners.

I never got the idea that photography at the funeral was considered rude. But, it was good to mostly just be a part of the mourning group.

Good points. Btw, I would have loved to have your lighting situation. When I did mine there was a threat of rain and so the outdoor part was held under a tent and of course they didn't think to use a white one.

Message edited by author 2012-03-12 15:47:14.

Sigma 18-250mm f/3.5-6.3 DC OS HSM

03/12/2012 06:40:54 PM · #18

Thanks to everyone. Upon further thought, I believe I'm just going to go to be supportive. Dont want to create any more animosity. But thanks for the words of advice. :)

NathanWert

Canon EOS-90D

03/12/2012 10:30:13 PM · #19

I used to bury people for a living. I've seen all sorts of things. Photographs, bikinis, beer drinking, etc. it all depends on the family.

cowboy221977

Canon EOS-60D

Canon EF-S 10-22mm f/3.5-4.5 USM

03/12/2012 11:00:30 PM · #20

OK my personal take on your post , being an Iraq vet twice over. I think he would love for it to be documented...I know I would... However if the in-laws don't want that well it should not happen. I would try to talk to them and ask for some acceptance

BrennanOB

Canon EOS-1D Mark II

Tamron SP AF 28-75mm f/2.8 XR Di for Canon

03/13/2012 05:07:26 AM · #21

Before you decide one way or another, take Richard's advice and go watch a military funeral. It is a very different thing from a civilian funeral. The honor guard, the presentation of the flag, the salute, are all theatrical displays that go to honor the fallen. At my uncle's funeral a few years ago I was asked to shoot and was pretty uncomfortable with the idea, until I realized it was the pomp and ceremony his widow wanted photographed not the emotions of the family, and the way the Navy set up the seating and the casket ect., the service was designed to be photographed. The sight lines were kept clear, all the honors took place to the right so the picture could get the mourners (without faces or with) and get the guard and the presentation all from one spot on the left.

03/13/2012 06:59:35 AM · #22

Originally posted by BrennanOB:

My grandfather was a Korean war vet... he had the full honors funeral. Pity I was too young to document it. I just think that it would create more problems rather than do any good (at east at the time being). But thanks to everyone that took the time to give their advice.

MikeO

Fujifilm x100

03/13/2012 01:55:56 PM · #23

If your not in a good relationship with the family then I would leave well alone, just support your husband.

Taking photographs is not on my list when attending a funeral but I am old and these days nothing surprises me much.