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05/12/2011 08:02:44 PM · #51 |
Glad to see other people understanding how I feel about this. The wife doesn't, or at least doesn't act like she does. I get paid this tomorrow so may use this chance to get him a cheap room through the weekend and send him on his way. Kelly and I have been married for 5 years (I think) and we have never really had the house to just us. And I think its about time for just us to be together
Ill let you know what happens |
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05/12/2011 08:42:43 PM · #52 |
| Kent, your profile doesn't say where you live...take a day to ck out homeless shelters...why pay for a hotel room...put him right where he belongs....find out information about the shelter...how long he can stay, it's his choice to leave. Knowledge is power...you will be on all our minds over the next few days...we are concerned for you and yours...time to "clean house"...good luck, and YOU can do this. |
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05/12/2011 09:09:04 PM · #53 |
Mike really needs to go. Your charity is enabling him to be a total loser, and your whole family is losing too. If you have considered moving out yourself, it has reached the point where you have nothing more to lose by throwing him out. Your wife should stand by you before him, and if the marriage can't survive this then it probably can't survive at all. Your son is at an impressionable age, and with a role model like Mike, he is likely to come to the conclusion that to work is unnecessary in life, that you can just be a lazy good-for-nothing slob and bludge off someone else - probably you.
I have seen something like this. Relative's partner brought her no-good, druggie, criminal brother into the house - temporarily/permanently. The relationship is over and my relative is better off - way better off. Ex still has her brother hanging around her like a millstone when he's not in jail.
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05/12/2011 09:23:11 PM · #54 |
Sadly, Kent, your wife will defend Mike because he's family. But you married her, not him! I mean you do marry into a family, yes, but does it necessarily follow that you also have to take on the family's black sheep too?!
And you already did, for far more time than you needed to. Mike should consider himself damn lucky that he did get away with leeching off of you for the last 5 years as long as he did. So though I don't like condoning going behind your wife's back, in this case it looks like you must if she won't come over to your side. Just be careful, because situations like this can get real ugly in hurry. That's why cops hate having to respond to domestics, they are so volatile. If you can get the help of bailifs or whoever else can help with an eviction, all the more power to you, they are impartial third parties and will have dealt with guys like him before.
Hang in there, this could be a tough process in the short term but the long term effects should be nothing but better after removing such a toxic presence from your life. |
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05/12/2011 09:29:07 PM · #55 |
Originally posted by monster-zero:
Glad to see other people understanding how I feel about this. The wife doesn't, or at least doesn't act like she does. I get paid this tomorrow so may use this chance to get him a cheap room through the weekend and send him on his way. Kelly and I have been married for 5 years (I think) and we have never really had the house to just us. And I think its about time for just us to be together
Ill let you know what happens |
I bet she does understand. But I bet she also doesn't want to give up on him, either. Or be the cause of him going even further downhill. What she doesn't realize is that she's not helping him. Has he improved in the last 5 years? Has he gotten back on his feet? No. If she really wants to help him, it's time for some tough love. |
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05/12/2011 09:38:17 PM · #56 |
| Perhaps look for a local hostel, they're nice enough, and damn cheap usually. |
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05/12/2011 09:46:06 PM · #57 |
If you have the money (and how could you NOT have the money... This should be worth whatever)... You can offer him a bus/plane/train ticket to anywhere USA and a crispy $100 bill... Total cost: less than $250 in most cases.. Value: Immeasurable - off the f-ker by giving him an opportunity that removes him from your area entirely, and it gives him the opportunity to not lose face, something people like this do value above all else, so if he can feel like he got over on you one last time, good... Very, very good... He'll go quietly that way.. Hopefully he'll (or you) will choose some place far, far, far way, perhaps somewhere in a foreign country... Of course, he could just be shot to Miami, we have a huge homeless population here, I'm sure he'd find some like minded souls to commiserate with here. Weather never gets very cold either, palm trees everywhere, all the pigeon you can eat, etc. etc... Great place to be homeless.. We even have a ton of suckers in the form of tourists, they'll buy any crap you twist out of palm leaf, and they'll buy fresh coconuts that you picked up from the side of the road under the coconut palms.. Yep, send him here, he'll live (or not, and I should figure you don't care, but I'm sure he'd get a few behavior lessons real quick on the street here...)
*shrug* |
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05/12/2011 09:46:08 PM · #58 |
Double post...
--
Message edited by author 2011-05-12 21:46:41. |
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05/12/2011 10:14:37 PM · #59 |
| Kind of funny how this topic changed now that I look back at all the posts. |
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05/12/2011 10:32:03 PM · #60 |
It probably changed about the time you stopped expecting us to be psychic. Lol.
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05/12/2011 10:43:12 PM · #61 |
Originally posted by jomari:
It probably changed about the time you stopped expecting us to be psychic. Lol. |
humph.... |
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05/13/2011 06:27:38 AM · #62 |
| Seconding Cory's idea of sending him far, far away. Wouldn't want him too local. Just make sure it's a 1-way ticket. For awhile the cops in some of our provinces would basically do the same thing, put them on a Greyhound to anywhere and that was that. |
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05/13/2011 10:26:28 AM · #63 |
i like Cory's idea too, I also, the more I think about it, think its kind of heartless to kick out someone if they aren't expecting it (have you even given them warning?) even if they deserve it. you at least have to give them the opportunity to find new living arraignments before you kick them out on the street, even if its only a day or two.
so, I'd confront him, and say you got two days (or before the wife gets back home) to find new arrangements and here's the bus ticket and $100 bucks to get you on your way, and then see them off to the bus stop.
Message edited by author 2011-05-13 10:27:36. |
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05/13/2011 10:58:17 AM · #64 |
| No. That gives Him the chance to steal more things or cause more trouble. I would not want him hanging around for 2 days after he knows he's been kicked out. This is not a nice or considerate person. Do not give him extra time to cause more trouble. |
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05/13/2011 11:50:51 AM · #65 |
Kent, I have had the unfortunate experience of removing someone from my house as well. Through that experience, I have learned the answer to one very important question...
When is enough...ENOUGH?!
When you reach that breaking point, the writing on the wall becomes crystal clear and you won't wallow in the details of how to get it done gently with everyone's permission.
When you understand the word "enough", you'll just draw the line and get it done...
Good Luck to you...;-)
My two cents... |
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05/13/2011 03:03:45 PM · #66 |
Originally posted by vawendy:
No. That gives Him the chance to steal more things or cause more trouble. I would not want him hanging around for 2 days after he knows he's been kicked out. This is not a nice or considerate person. Do not give him extra time to cause more trouble. |
Seconded. And why on earth should you feel bad about coming across as heartless?! Look at what he's done not only to you and your family, but to others who were kind enough to take him in. He doesn't deserve to be treated like a decent human being. He null and voided that contract long ago. Giving him 2 days' notice is a HUGE mistake... that's essentially saying, 'OK you now have only 48 hours with which to further ruin our lives' - and at thispoint he knows you and your family well enough to cause all manner of damage.
So absolutely no warning at all. Kick him out right then and there, have him escorted off the property too. |
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05/13/2011 03:11:51 PM · #67 |
Originally posted by mike_311:
Originally posted by vawendy:
Be really careful... if it looks like you're doing it behind her back, that could really backfire. |
if all of what is being posted is true, behind her back or not, I wouldn't care what my wife thought, he'd be gone, especially with the kids health. |
+1 the asthma was the kicker for me in this thread. if his lack of concern for your family wasn't evident enough, his lack of concern for your son's health should be the tipping point.
easy for a third party to say, yes...but it seems that maybe it's you making the decision that she can't because he is her blood. i saw somewhere earlier someone say that later they were thanked for having the decision taken out of their hands, hopefully that would be the case with your wife, after the anger and bitterness passed. but it seems you need to make a firm decision and put the man out of your lives. |
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05/13/2011 04:14:30 PM · #68 |
You could build a shed for him to live in, then make it a tourist attraction and charge people to look at him.
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05/13/2011 05:05:51 PM · #69 |
Originally posted by Strikeslip:
You could build a shed for him to live in, then make it a tourist attraction and charge people to look at him. |
Most of the people would want their money back |
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05/14/2011 07:31:33 PM · #70 |
I've been thinking about your situation quite a bit and although I think that Mike has to go, I know that making this happen isn't easy for you. I was wondering if you could get a Salvation Army counselor to help you? They would be pretty familiar with situations like this. For starters they would probably be able to help with alternative shelter for Mike.
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05/14/2011 07:56:04 PM · #71 |
| The Salvation Army don't want that bum. |
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05/14/2011 08:58:54 PM · #72 |
Five years? Smokes in the house where your twelve year old with asthma lives, yet YOU don't? Steals your money. Pees in milk cartons in his room???????? That's so far past lazy and into disgusting!
THROW HIM OUT!!!!
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05/14/2011 09:04:02 PM · #73 |
Originally posted by David Ey:
The Salvation Army don't want that bum. |
Maybe not but 'What would Jesus do?' |
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05/15/2011 03:01:01 AM · #74 |
Originally posted by clive_patric_nolan:
Maybe not but 'What would Jesus do?' |
Build him a door. Telll him not to let it hit him in the ass on the way out...?
I'm sure even Jesus would get tired of this crap after 5 years!!
Message edited by author 2011-05-15 03:01:21.
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05/18/2011 11:34:15 AM · #75 |
| Soooo, what is "The Rest of the Story"...just wondering how you are doing |
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