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05/22/2007 02:02:19 PM · #51 |
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root. |
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05/22/2007 02:07:53 PM · #52 |
Originally posted by mk:
Just a heads up for anyone else on a heavy duty work filter...that got caught in mine. |
Mine too
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05/22/2007 02:36:20 PM · #53 |
Stupid joke my brother told me...for some reason I cracked up when he told it.
Three men (of various races, pick your favorites!) sat down for an interview at an engineering firm. The interviewer was running short on time and sat infront of all three men.
Interviewer: "The best answer to this question will earn you the job. What is the greatest invention ever?"
Man 1: "The wheel! Without it, we would not be able to travel anywhere except for walking."
Man 2: "Electricity! It powers virtually everything today, without it the world would be set back tremendously."
Man 3: "The thermos!..."
Interviewer/Man 1/Man 2: "The thermos!? How is that a great invention?"
Man 3: "It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold. HOW DO IT KNOW!?!" |
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05/22/2007 03:24:37 PM · #54 |
If you really want to laugh read how seriously the people at Wikipedia take knock-knock jokes!
//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knock-knock_joke |
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05/22/2007 03:32:08 PM · #55 |
I like the Brooke Shields one...a little drawn out but still funny. |
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05/22/2007 03:36:07 PM · #56 |
I laughed more at the language between the jokes than at the jokes themselves.
"One of the more outrageous examples is a triple pun:..."
Oh that is OUTRAGEOUS!
Message edited by author 2007-05-22 15:36:36. |
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05/30/2007 10:29:49 PM · #57 |
A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his
friends with him. While he's talking to his grandmother,
his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table,
and finishes them off. As they're leaving, his friend says
to his grandmother, "Thanks for the peanuts." She says,
"Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the
chocolate off 'em."
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07/07/2007 03:47:46 PM · #58 |
A cocky Texas Department of Highways employee stopped at a
farm and talked to an old farmer. He told the farmer, "I
need to inspect your farm for a possible new road."
The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field."
The Highway employee said, "I have the authority of the
State of Texas to go where I want. See this card? This card
allows me to go where ever I wish on any farm land."
So, the old farmer went about his farm chores. A few minutes
later, he hears loud screams from the direction of his field
and sees the Departmental of Highways employee running full
speed for the fence. Close behind was the farmer's prize
bull. The bull was madder than a nest of hornets and gaining
on the employee at every step.
The old farmer called out,
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.
"Show him your card !"
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07/21/2007 09:09:28 AM · #59 |
Just got this in an email from my mom and couldn't stop laughing...
It's called a Naked Mole-Rat, from Africa.
Going through life is hard enough,
but to go through life looking like a dick with buck teeth must be horrible!
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07/21/2007 10:00:22 AM · #60 |
Originally posted by sabphoto:
Just got this in an email from my mom and couldn't stop laughing...
It's called a Naked Mole-Rat, from Africa.
Going through life is hard enough,
but to go through life looking like a dick with buck teeth must be horrible! |
FOFLMAO, that has to be one of the funniest things I have ever seen. |
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07/26/2007 02:44:35 AM · #61 |
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root...
and STILL be afraid of a spider.
-------------
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws"
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WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally." |
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07/31/2007 02:53:42 PM · #62 |
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07/31/2007 03:56:21 PM · #63 |
A middle aged wife recently got a promotion at work and needed to travel to france for business. Her husband drove her to the airport, and right before seeing her off he said to her "don't forget to bring me back something nice!"
So the wife responds "What do you want?"
The husband says "A young french girl."
The wife says nothing and leaves for france. One month later she returns and the first thing out of her husband's mouth upon her arrival is "Did you bring me back a french girl?"
The wife responds "I did everything that I could. All we can do now is wait a few months to find out if it's a girl." |
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07/31/2007 04:01:31 PM · #64 |
Three men;one from Newfoundland, one from Quebec, and one from Alberta; happen upon a magic oil lamp. All three of them rubbed it and out came a genie.
"You have three wishes. There are three of you so you each get one wish."
The man from Newfoundland says "I wish that there be a wall around Newfoundland, no one comes and no one leaves."
"It is done."
The man from Quebec says "I wish for a wall to surround Quebec, no one in and no one out."
"It is done."
The man from Alberta says "I wish for both walls to be filled with water."
Message edited by author 2007-07-31 16:02:14. |
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07/31/2007 05:48:29 PM · #65 |
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08/01/2007 02:12:00 AM · #66 |
Never ask a Grandma in Mississippi
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if
they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman, to the stand.
He approached her & asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, & frankly, you've been a big disappointment
to me.You lie, you cheat on your wife, & you manipulate people & talk about
them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't
the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room & asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was
a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, & he has a drinking problem. He
can't build a normal relationship with anyone & his law practice is
one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife
with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and in a
very quiet voice said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows
me, I'll send you to the electric chair!"
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08/01/2007 02:14:52 AM · #67 |
| of all the Southern States you could have picked.......hoots |
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08/01/2007 02:16:02 AM · #68 |
I had to, just had to 
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08/01/2007 02:17:40 AM · #69 |
| well us here Mississippi gurls IS brutally honust...sooooo (you can translate the drawl)...moral of story? DONT ASK IF YA DONT WANNA KNOW!!! I fit that bill...ya picked the right state Mr. Brad...drop the letter thread = Mr. Bra |
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08/03/2007 12:29:33 PM · #70 |
A young guy from New Jersey moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back in New Jersey."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?"
The kid says, "One."
The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid says "$101,237.65."
The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fishhook.
Then I sold him a medium fishhook.
Then I sold him a larger fishhook.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fishhook, and you sold him a BOAT AND a TRUCK???!!!"
The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing........' |
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08/03/2007 04:29:37 PM · #71 |
Results of the latest BBspot Poll:
Top 11 Binary Digits
Are You Smarter Than An Eighth-Grader? (of the future, that is) |
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08/03/2007 10:34:27 PM · #72 |
lol I only got 4 of 10 right. |
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08/03/2007 10:43:27 PM · #73 |
Originally posted by sabphoto:
lol I only got 4 of 10 right. |
I only got 11 (see previous link) |
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08/03/2007 10:54:23 PM · #74 |
Originally posted by sabphoto:
lol I only got 4 of 10 right. |
I have issues..
You scored 8 out of 10.
Our education system is failing.
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08/04/2007 06:30:29 PM · #75 |
Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.
The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally.
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary.
Message edited by author 2007-08-04 18:30:46.
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