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06/14/2007 09:05:01 AM · #1 |
Ok this problem is probably not for this kind of thread but I don't know anywhere else to go and I pretty much just want to "Rant" about it or just vent a little. Ok well my b/f and I have been going together for 2 years. It has been very hard on us because we live 2.5 hrs away from one another so I try and get up there every other weekend but sometimes thats hard to do. Ok well we both have dreams that we want to accomplish one of his being getting into the music business. He just told me last night that his sister who lives in Georgia has found him a good job that would start him off in the right direction, towards that goal. She has a friend there that would help him out, etc and thats fine. The only problem is that georgia is 12 hours away from me, and once my mom moves to PA it will be 14 hours from her. And then my sister is leaving for the air force this Monday. My other sister live near me now so if I did move it would be 12 hours away from them, etc. I don't know what to do.....I have been so close to my family, I am a huge mommas girl, etc and I have never really been far from home whatsoever. But I don't want to lose Chris. And then I know it will be hard on my mom because she just lost one daughter to the air force and then she will be losing me to a man. I guess I do need to eventually grow up and move out but 12-14 hours away is just so hard to do. I want Chris to have the best, accomplish his goals etc and I want to live with him more than anything. Damn this is so hard! Well I guess I am done venting. Sorry to fill up the forums with this, maybe someone has some kind of advice! Well thanks for taking the time to read!
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06/14/2007 10:19:05 AM · #2 |
At 20 years old you should be building your future, finishing your education or starting your carreer direction. If Chris is all that, then he will wait until you feel better about making that decisison. I know it sounds old fashioned, but I really think women should be independent until they are atleast 25 before they enter a permenant relationship; that way they really get to know themselves before trying to incorporate another personality into their lives. Just my 2 cents. :)
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06/14/2007 10:19:35 AM · #3 |
My wife lives 20 hours away from her parents and that is by way of a 747. something like 9800 miles
I think you need to sit down with your boyfriend and have a long heart to heart. Figure out where you are both going and where you want to end up. Then once you both know what you want and are willing to do to get it. Sit down with your mom and have a h2h with her also.
Long distance relationships are hard. But if you are meant to be together that 12 hour drive is just a blink of time in the big picture.
Seems like you have plenty of options and alot of thinking to do. Hope you work it all out.
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06/14/2007 10:33:26 AM · #4 |
Move on.
You're 20, so you've been dating since you were 18. Not many people have stayed with the person they were dating when they were 18.
You're both growing and holding on to something that isn't there will stunt your growth.
Besides, you don't know what other wonderful people are out there waitin to date you. (I didn't find my true love until I was 30).
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06/14/2007 11:12:38 AM · #5 |
You said this in your other thread, as well as how much you dislike your job.
Originally posted by MssyNita:
I can't wait to get into school, get my degree in either accounting or management, make some money and then open up my studio/coffee shop. Thats my biggest goal in life! |
How does this fit in with moving?
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06/14/2007 11:18:59 AM · #6 |
Of course, 'age is just a number' but I think 20 is a bit too soon to uproot your entire life for someone. Being that you're already in a long distance relationship, moving in with him to a whole nother city far away could put a strain on things. That's alot of stress rolled into one sticky situation. And if things didn't work out as good as you would like, what then? I'm not saying that it would happen, but it could.
Plus, being so young, you have tons of options to consider. Your education and your goals (apart from any other person) should be your number 1 consideration. Take care of yourself first. Going your separate ways does not have to me not being friends.
Best of luck whatever your choose. |
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06/14/2007 11:21:24 AM · #7 |
when I was 20 (a long time ago) ... I thought that I knew what I wanted out of life ... I thought my boyfriend was 'the one' ... boy was I wrong (long story) ... I chose to move to California, alone, at 21 ... start over and figure out who I was and what I wanted to do ... that was the best decision I ever made ... learned how to take care of myself, who I was, what my values were ... I struggled at first, missed my family ... but in the end I'm MUCH stronger and smarter for having done that ...
think about yourself ... don't make a decision for anyone but you ... you're only 20 ... be selfish ... follow your dreams and achieve your goals ... |
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06/14/2007 11:36:14 AM · #8 |
| It would seem that your boyfriend had no problem deciding what was best for him. Follow his lead and decide what is best for you. Decide if following him to Georgia with no plan is really in your best interest. |
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06/14/2007 11:37:02 AM · #9 |
Originally posted by dahkota:
It would seem that your boyfriend had no problem deciding what was best for him. Follow his lead and decide what is best for you. Decide if following him to Georgia with no plan is really in your best interest. |
VERY well stated!!! |
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06/14/2007 01:05:50 PM · #10 |
During a recent difficult time a wise person said to me "Everything is happening exactly as it was meant to happen."
At first, this seems a bit fatalistic, but upon looking a little deeper I think the message is that we all have trials and lessons that we must encounter in order to make us who we are meant to be.
When I was your age I was faced with a similar life-changing decision. I made what would seem to be the wrong decision and it really set me back, emotionally and financially. However, that decision helped shape me into who I am today; and I really like that person.
So my advice to you is to step outside of yourself, pay close attention to the signs that you are getting and make a decision based on what feels right to you. Most importantly, don't be afraid of making a mistake. Mistakes are the foundation of personal growth. |
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06/14/2007 04:39:24 PM · #11 |
Thanks everyone so much for your advice. I don't believe Im too young. I mean we have been dating for 2 years, I have known him for 5 years. I have just become so attached to him so its hard to just say I want to go my own way and lose him. I understand hes moving to better himself but it hurts that he didn't even think about me. He didn't even tell me until 2 weeks after finding out. When I found out I almost just threw everything away at that one moment. We have been having some difficulties in our relationship lately that we have been working through and I was just confused as to why Im trying to change for the better, etc and he is moving. To me it was just a complete waste of time, everything I did for him. I mean I have been afraid to get my license for the longest time, just a month ago I just got them, 4 years and 3 permits, I finally got them now. And it was for me number 1 and for him number two so I could drive up to him sometimes. He has been driving 2.5 hours each way, so five hours in one night to bring me up to house and now Im trying my hardest to work out a schedule to where i can, after hopefully two months I will feel comfortable to, drive the highway to his place so it won't be hard on him but now I feel like whats the point? I want to more than anything for us to work out, idk. I guess maybe I am just thinking too much into this. He is just many first to me, number 1 my first love and I just don't ever want to let go. I don't know if anyone can understand that, it is just so hard!!! I hate this!
Message edited by author 2007-06-14 16:40:59.
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06/14/2007 04:51:24 PM · #12 |
| You mention your mother. What is your relationship with your father like? |
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06/14/2007 05:25:39 PM · #13 |
Take care of the REAL #1 ... YOU ... I promise you, there WILL be other men that you love ... every girl feels the way you do about their first love ... take steps now to ensure that you can survive on your own and take care of yourself ... go to school and get the best education you can ... if you and your boyfriend were really meant to be together then it will happen ...
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06/14/2007 05:41:23 PM · #14 |
Originally posted by dahkota:
It would seem that your boyfriend had no problem deciding what was best for him. Follow his lead and decide what is best for you. Decide if following him to Georgia with no plan is really in your best interest. |
I agree with this.
Message edited by author 2007-06-14 17:42:26.
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06/14/2007 05:44:08 PM · #15 |
If there is something for you besides him in Georgia, go. But I don't know what that would be.
Me, I am 21, moved to California to be with my boyfriend but also, I didn't like my life, didn't like Florida, and California has a lot more to offer. I don't think he's "the one" nor do I have stars in my eyes about "forever". I just know he's GOOD for me now, helps me grow as a person and I am happy with him. That is my concern, happiness.
Go where you will be happiest with your life. And if you don't know where that is then maybe you aren't ready to make a big change yet. Just don't feel like you have to stick around for your mom, you have to live your life. My family misses me terribly but they all left at some point too. My dad left his family in Jersey to pursue his career in Miami. It's just the way things go.
Anyhow, as others said. He's pursuing his goals. Figure out what yours are and where he (and georgia) fits in the equation. If it doesn't fit, don't make the sacrafice, esp if he wouldn't do the same for you. |
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06/14/2007 07:30:53 PM · #16 |
It may not seem like a lot of help, but I'd wait a few months before deciding. Moving 12 hours away is pretty huge, and a lot of people who move out of state decide to move back pretty quick. Besides that, it's a fabulous test. You stay where you are, hang out with your family, do what you do, have some independence. He goes to GA, tries out this job-thing, sees if it works, has a little independence. In the meantime, there's a telephone. If, in few months, his job is going well and you're desperate to see each other, then consider this move-or-stay decision. If that isn't the case, you'll have a different decision to consider (which may sound morbid, but it may just be he hates GA and wants to move back).
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06/14/2007 07:40:50 PM · #17 |
In your entire statement, this is the most important part:
Originally posted by MssyNita:
he didn't even think about me. He didn't even tell me until 2 weeks after finding out. |
You aren't too young and it is hard to go your own way. But he is - follow his lead and go your own way.
I'm pretty sure everyone here has had firsts. And yes, its hard to get over. But the rest of us survived and you will too.
Really think about this and about what you want out of life. If all you want is to be with him, well, what kind of life is that for you?
This might be harsh but I think he is telling you what he wants. And he is also allowing you to find out what you really want. |
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06/14/2007 07:56:53 PM · #18 |
I cant believe people are saying your too young, your 20.I was married at 20 and now have been married for 7 years with 2 kids and one more on the way. And you have been dating him for a long time, obviously none of us here know enough about the situation to be fully informed but try this...
Worst case one.
You move and find out hes not the right one for you, you move back (and can still do what you wanted to)
Worst case Two.
You leave him and regreat what might have been for the rest of your life. or you move to be with him.
perhaps  EducatedSavage has said it better.
Yes you need to do what is important for you, but if that involves him then you need to make it work. |
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06/14/2007 09:11:09 PM · #19 |
Again thanks to everyone, you have helped alot. He isn't moving until his current lease isup which is in about 8 months so I guess I have some time but I just wanted to be ready and wanted to know what to do ahead of time. Again thanks so so so so much!!!
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