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03/08/2007 02:48:46 PM · #1 |
I have a client that want's a picture with text on it. My choice. She just wants it to sound cool. She's fairly goth. Meaning she doesn't go heavy on the makeup but she wears the clothes and loves the wiccian type of style. Anyway the pic she chose is of her back. She's walking down a road that has a few turns with trees around. It's a nice pic, (not my fav) but I'm not too sure what to put on it. Here is what I have so far, but I need to know if it makes sence or even sounds good.
Every turn in a road gives us a choice..
Should we tun left or right.
Should we stay or go.
Should we say goodbye or hello.
Every choice shapes who we are,
And who we want to be.
We canĂ¢€™t fear the unknown
We canĂ¢€™t let others choose for us.
We are powerful by our own right
A right given to us at birth.
Make your choice.
Never regret it. |
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03/08/2007 02:51:09 PM · #2 |
Yeah, I think it makes sense. Personally I would change some of the periods to other punctuation but that's kinda minor.
The main thing I felt was that it ends rather abruptly. I think that a space before the last two lines, setting them apart from the rest, might help.
Of course poetry is very subjective so others may totally disagree with me. |
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03/08/2007 02:54:23 PM · #3 |
Originally posted by angelfire:
I have a client that want's a picture with text on it. My choice. She just wants it to sound cool. She's fairly goth. Meaning she doesn't go heavy on the makeup but she wears the clothes and loves the wiccian type of style. Anyway the pic she chose is of her back. She's walking down a road that has a few turns with trees around. It's a nice pic, (not my fav) but I'm not too sure what to put on it. Here is what I have so far, but I need to know if it makes sence or even sounds good.
Every turn in a road gives us a choice..
Should we turn left or right. -----> added the r to turn
Should we stay or go.
Should we say goodbye or hello.
Every choice shapes who we are,
And who we want to be.
We canĂ¢€™t fear the unknown; -----> added the semicolon
We canĂ¢€™t let others choose for us.
We are powerful by our own right. -----> added the period
A right given to us at birth.
Make your choice.
Never regret it. |
I like it! Very strong and well written.
Just corrected a few typos :) |
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03/08/2007 02:57:14 PM · #4 |
>_>
<_<
How many roads must a man walk down?
:P |
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03/08/2007 03:15:22 PM · #5 |
Originally posted by howzit:
I like it! Very strong and well written.
Just corrected a few typos :) |
Some more punctuation suggestions:
Every turn in a road gives us a choice..
Should we turn left or right. -----> added the r to turn
Should we stay or go.
Should we say goodbye or hello.
Every choice shapes who we are,
And who we want to be.
We canĂ¢€™t fear the unknown. -----> added the semicolon ---> change semicolon to period
We canĂ¢€™t let others choose for us.
We are powerful by our own rightĂ¢€” -----> added the period --> Changed period to em-dash (Alt-0151 or Shift-Opt-Hyphen)
A right given to us at birth.
Make your choice. ------> I think the earlier suggestion of setting off these two lines will work typographically --
Never regret it. ------>it then resembles a sonnet visually. |
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03/08/2007 03:34:30 PM · #6 |
| Hey Thanks everyone espicially with the grammer and spelling. It's almost sad to admit my degree is in print journalism. LOL |
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