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02/01/2007 01:56:05 PM · #1 |
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly " just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
We hope this clears up any confusion,
The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd
Message edited by author 2007-02-01 14:32:12.
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02/01/2007 01:58:14 PM · #2 |
| new rule: never ask fotomann to be your best man in your wedding, or give you advice of anything. |
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02/01/2007 02:02:24 PM · #3 |
hahahhaha thats great, i need to add one though:
At the movies, should the situation arise, you MUST leave at least one space between you and another guy, or get a female to sit between you. If need be, go see another movie. |
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02/01/2007 02:03:43 PM · #4 |
Originally posted by focuspoint:
new rule: never ask fotomann to be your best man in your wedding, or give you advice of anything. |
Are you kidding! Leroy would make one hella Best Man. It's the Best Mans job to set up the Bachelor party. Who better than Leroy for that task?!!! |
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02/01/2007 02:05:03 PM · #5 |
Originally posted by thegrandwazoo:
Who better than Leroy for that task?!!! |
 DrJones :-)
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02/01/2007 02:05:25 PM · #6 |
Originally posted by fotomann_forever:
Originally posted by thegrandwazoo:
Who better than Leroy for that task?!!! |
DrJones :-) |
Point taken! Man law! |
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02/01/2007 02:08:32 PM · #7 |
| LOL ... Those are great ... #27 is my favorite!! If she isn't smart enough to ask for "L" glass then she deserves what she gets!! |
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02/01/2007 02:11:20 PM · #8 |
Originally posted by thegrandwazoo:
Originally posted by fotomann_forever:
Originally posted by thegrandwazoo:
Who better than Leroy for that task?!!! |
DrJones :-) |
Point taken! Man law! |
Actually, I think I'd want Gary, kiwiness to set mine up :-)
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02/01/2007 02:13:08 PM · #9 |
Originally posted by fotomann_forever:
Originally posted by thegrandwazoo:
Originally posted by fotomann_forever:
Originally posted by thegrandwazoo:
Who better than Leroy for that task?!!! |
DrJones :-) |
Point taken! Man law! |
Actually, I think I'd want Gary, kiwiness to set mine up :-) |
OH YEAH :P |
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02/01/2007 02:13:54 PM · #10 |
| wait... I just got a good advice from fotomann :P |
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02/01/2007 02:30:58 PM · #11 |
Still my favorite part :
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are
you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the
butt and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
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02/01/2007 02:56:00 PM · #12 |
| Ok, I got one from experience (ashamed to admit it)... NEVER "be the nice guy" and take your wife to a Rick Springfield concert. :-/ |
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02/01/2007 03:12:34 PM · #13 |
Originally posted by Telehubbie:
Ok, I got one from experience (ashamed to admit it)... NEVER "be the nice guy" and take your wife to a Rick Springfield concert. :-/ |
You're right to be ashamed; You should have to supply everyone here with a fifth of (liquor of choice here), just to get back into the man club! ...or at least several good nudes :)
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02/01/2007 03:20:21 PM · #14 |
lol those were great.... this needs to be added I always pick on my friend about this one
Men should never hold a pink/red/black purse or what ever color the purse is.... in the middle of the shopping mall on his shoulder while his wife/girlfriend is in the ladies room.
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02/01/2007 03:21:11 PM · #15 |
*trying to figure out how someone with only one half-way decent song could have a concert* :-)
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02/01/2007 03:22:11 PM · #16 |
Originally posted by fotomann_forever:
*trying to figure out how someone with only one half-way decent song could have a concert* :-) |
Covers |
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02/01/2007 03:26:28 PM · #17 |
Originally posted by thegrandwazoo:
Originally posted by fotomann_forever:
*trying to figure out how someone with only one half-way decent song could have a concert* :-) |
Covers |
you guys are forgetting that he used to be a soap opera star ... for many house wives that in itself is reason enough ... |
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02/01/2007 03:27:47 PM · #18 |
Originally posted by thegrandwazoo:
Originally posted by fotomann_forever:
*trying to figure out how someone with only one half-way decent song could have a concert* :-) |
Covers |
Ahh, will have to put "does she like Springfield" on my check off list for potential wife candidates. LOL
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02/01/2007 03:29:11 PM · #19 |
Originally posted by pamelasue:
you guys are forgetting that he used to be a soap opera star ... |
Forgetting implies that we actually knew that ... LOL...
Message edited by author 2007-02-01 15:29:36.
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02/01/2007 03:31:53 PM · #20 |
| ... your THOUSANDS of potential wife candidates ? |
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02/01/2007 03:33:21 PM · #21 |
Originally posted by fotomann_forever:
*trying to figure out how someone with only one half-way decent song could have a concert* :-) |
Ha! You're right! It was all a blur to me, but the concert somehow lasted about 1 1/2 hours. |
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02/01/2007 03:39:57 PM · #22 |
Originally posted by brizmama:
Still my favorite part :
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are
you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the
butt and having the balls to say, "You're next!" |
LOL, my hubby's "guts" would be outside his body and his "balls" would no longer be in existence if he ever dared ;) |
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02/01/2007 03:42:49 PM · #23 |
Originally posted by Greetmir:
... your THOUSANDS of potential wife candidates ? |
Every girl I meet is a potential... LOL :-P
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