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09/27/2006 04:32:46 PM · #51 |
So, so sorry...
You must grieve in your own way. No matter who says it's right or wrong to feel guilty, has never experienced what you must be going through. You are stronger than you even imagine. You were destined to find your mom and nothing can change it. It sounds like you were a very ''tuned in'' daughter and she knew that you were there.
Please accept my heartfelt condolenses and it you need to talk, just pm me.
All best,
Becky |
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09/27/2006 07:26:17 PM · #52 |
I, for one, am thankful that this is NOT just a photography site.
Deep, heartfelt thanks... more than you can ever know.... |
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09/27/2006 07:35:29 PM · #53 |
| My prayers are with you and your family, Shiela. I am so sorry... may you all somehow find some peace. |
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09/27/2006 07:35:43 PM · #54 |
Sheila, I am so sorry for your loss and what a horrible way to find out. My heart breaks for you. I hope you understand though, that your mother's soul left in a happy state and did not suffer because her body was left behind. My thoughts are with you.
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09/27/2006 07:40:02 PM · #55 |
Sheila,
I don't know you, but maybe I can give you some good council.
In early 2001 my mom was going through a rough time. We had lost my fater a few years earlier, and she was having a hard time going through life without him. They were eachother's rock, and without him she seemed lost.
We had planned on being together for Easter, but the day before I called her and she begged off going with us to our relatives' house. She just wasn't feeling up to it, she said, but that we should go and send her love to the rest of the family. I tried calling her Easter Sunday, but got no answer. Like you, I figured she was at church, taking a walk, taking a bath, or whatever.
Fast forward several days and I still haven't talked to her. I ask a neighbor friend to go check on her. Long story short she fell down the stairs. The professionals say she had a stroke and was probably out of it before she was half way down the stairs. It was little consolation at the time, and is only a little more consolation now.
I have come to terms with what happened. Immediatley after the event I beat myself up for not having her move in with us, not moving her into a single floor home after my dad died, not stopping by to visit on Easter, not insisting she come with us to Easter dinner. But over time I have come to terms with those feelings. I know she was happy that I was living on my own, in my own house, with my own family. She loved my wife, and she was proud of the life I had built myself. She wouldn't have had it any other way. The only thing you can console yourself with is that she went quickly and peacefully. What happens afterwards doesn't matter, she's at peace now.
My prayers go out to you and your family. Sorry for rambling on, but I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.
*Hugs*
---A
Message edited by author 2006-09-27 19:41:56.
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09/27/2006 07:46:50 PM · #56 |
Sheila,
I'm sorry for you loss. What a terrible way to find out. But take solace in the fact that you spent some of that last time with her and she enjoyed it. Last winter, my grandfather passed a couple of days after I spoke with him He lived alone. It was a cold day out in Western PA, and there wasn't any smoke coming from his chimney. My cousin went over to find out what was going on. She walked in and found him on the sofa. Apparently he had passed the day before, and to my knowledge, I was the last person to talk to him. Again, I'm sory for your loss and wish you and your family the best in this very hard time.
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09/27/2006 07:48:05 PM · #57 |
Sheila, wow, my heart breaks reading your story. Thankfully, you were able to spend some of her last moments together. Knowing that should bring some peace to your heart. On the bright side, your mother didn't have to fight a long drawn out illness. She lived until the end of her life rahter than spend the last part of it dying. We all should be so fortunate.
My thoughts and prayers will be with you, as you grieve over your loss. Know that you have friends here and lean on us when you feel down.
Message edited by author 2006-09-27 20:10:48. |
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09/27/2006 08:04:49 PM · #58 |
We've been where you asre now.
We had dinner with my father inlaw, said goodnight, and went home. He was found sooner than your Mom by a neighbor.
He was in his recliner, next to his phone. We left about 9:30 and he normally went to bed about 10:00 - 10:30.
We had a long talk with a very kind coroner. Your Mom likely felt nothing. Heart victims who have a waking attack are usually found on the floor, trying to get help. He just dozed off watching TV, his heart likely slowed and finally stopped without him ever waking. We were told, that had we stayed, (we were beating ourselves up about that one big time), that he would have gotten tired and went to bed, and then died.
Our hearts still ask "what if?..." from time to time, but we know that that almost nothing would have changed a thing, unless he happened to already be in the hospital on a monitor. Even then, no guarantees they could have saved him.
We know your pain, and do know that while time never heals completely, it does lessen the pain and gives you other joys in the future.
Take care,
Alex & Sharon Baker |
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09/27/2006 08:05:49 PM · #59 |
| Sheila, I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through, but I think your mother was a very fortunate woman - she was still on her own and had you and your sister to check up on her but not "watch" her. I'm sure she took comfort in that. Be assured you did nothing wrong and have nothing to feel guilty about. You have my heartfelt sympathy - you're a good woman and I wish you the best in dealing with this very hard time. |
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09/27/2006 08:07:52 PM · #60 |
Thank you also for the personal thoughts and expression of thanks at this time. You really just need to constratate on whats important to you at this time, and to know we are going to be 110% behind you, in every step of the way Sheila..... Never forget that sweet lady.
I to love the compassion of so many DPC members, give to us fellow members when needed.
DPC is a very warm, caring, and loving family, to those that need it.
Originally posted by BeeCee:
I, for one, am thankful that this is NOT just a photography site.
Deep, heartfelt thanks... more than you can ever know.... |
Message edited by author 2006-09-27 20:08:40.
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09/27/2006 08:10:03 PM · #61 |
sorry, clicked wrong button.
Message edited by author 2006-09-27 20:10:35. |
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09/27/2006 08:24:30 PM · #62 |
I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
Be strong. My prayers and thoughts. |
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10/06/2006 12:23:55 AM · #63 |
Well, I made it through the service somehow... through the influx of out-of-town family.... through all the details that MUST be dealt with immediately.... Now everyone's gone home except my sister, the lawyer has been met with, restoration services come and gone... and the hard part begins. Now I sift through 87 years of someone's life, deciding what belongs where and with whom.... and now I'll have time to think.
I don't feel ready to think yet.... |
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10/06/2006 12:40:06 AM · #64 |
Think of you, and our hearts are with you always.....
Just take it one day at a time.
love Shez & Pete
Message edited by author 2006-10-06 00:40:37.
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