Serious please :-( - DPChallenge Forums

Canon EF 28-90mm f/4-5.6 II USM (Black)

08/19/2006 01:33:16 AM · #26

Here's my summing up of what I think...

It would be really great if you could hang in there. She deserves a friend, deserves love that is supportive of her, deserves happiness and deserves to know she can trust people. She deserves patience.

But you have given her patience, and, if you do not feel you can keep going the way you two have been going, then I do not think you "owe" it to her to keep going like that.

It seems you have been a really decent guy with all this and have done what you can do. If you can keep doing it, great, but if you can't, then I would not feel bad.

Gaby_G

Canon EOS-5D

08/19/2006 01:34:29 AM · #27

Originally posted by fotomann_forever:

Originally posted by rinac:

Completely agree. That's what I mean by fight. I DON'T mean tell her you love her. That's not it. What you should be doing is making the time you two spend together, the best time ever. Go out places, do crazy things together, make her laugh lots, sit and watch chick flicks with her... etc etc..

Done all that. I'm REALLY broke at the moment, because I bought her daughter school uniforms., even.

AWWWWW... Marry me!!!!!

No seriously, just remember that the FIRST person that you have to love the most its YOU... If anytime you feel that by staying with her, you are doing something bad for you (like being broke for buying uniforms) think twice...

08/19/2006 01:34:43 AM · #28

Originally posted by Southern Gentleman:

You can do this and fight for her at the same time. Subtle love shown over time is a far stronger than love-overload shown for a stint in time when someone has issues to workout.

OK, makes sense... but how? I'm not sure if I can even handle it, especiall if I have competition from others.

08/19/2006 01:35:13 AM · #29

Originally posted by Southern Gentleman:

In a world where we want everything at the moment and our thoughts are setup to be in the impulse mode there is one thing that we canâ��t claim or hurry and thatâ��s anotherâ��s love. If you feel that she has shown you that she feels the same but canâ��t make the step forward in the relationship because of past events or persons then you must honor her request. You can do this and fight for her at the same time. Subtle love shown over time is a far stronger than love-overload shown for a stint in time when someone has issues to workout.

(emphasis mine)

I totally agree with the way you are thinking. I wonder though if she feels the same and is afraid to act on that, or if she won't let herself feel the same - two very different things.

Gosh, this is all so difficult. :-\

08/19/2006 01:38:25 AM · #30

Originally posted by klstover:

Gosh, this is all so difficult. :-\

Yeah, I know... I've made myself sick (physically) several times over the past two days thinking about it.

08/19/2006 01:39:06 AM · #31

Originally posted by fotomann_forever:

Originally posted by Southern Gentleman:
You can do this and fight for her at the same time. Subtle love shown over time is a far stronger than love-overload shown for a stint in time when someone has issues to workout.

OK, makes sense... but how? I'm not sure if I can even handle it, especiall if I have competition from others.

It seems like you've *been* doing the right things. And it's just gotten to be too much for you. I think it makes sense that you can't handle any more... I'm sure this has been really rough for you.

Canon EF 28-90mm f/4-5.6 II USM (Black)

08/19/2006 01:39:07 AM · #32

Originally posted by fotomann_forever:

OK, makes sense... but how? I'm not sure if I can even handle it, especiall if I have competition from others.

Start building some history, some memories. Not the shopping-for-material-shit memories, but the kind of times that are going to stay with her, even if others are in the picture. The "others', by the way, might show her a really great time doing exactly as I'm suggesting, and then where will that leave you?

Gaby_G

Canon EOS-5D

08/19/2006 01:39:46 AM · #33

Can I ask how long have you been dating, and how long has she been divorced?

Telehubbie

Canon EOS-40D

Canon EF 24-70mm f/2.8L USM

08/19/2006 01:40:06 AM · #34

Leroy, I've been there many times myself with different girls so I feel your pain. You really care about somebody, but they are too emotionally scarred to let you in, so you wait... and wait... wondering what the hell is going on. It's a big gamble depending on the person she is. Sometimes the gamble is worth it in the long run, and sometimes you have to fold your cards and move on. You can't rush it, it will happen when she's ready, if she's ever ready. She undoubtedly has had some rough times with her now ex husband, and those wounds will take a while to heal. Best of luck to you bro, follow your heart.

08/19/2006 01:40:26 AM · #35

Originally posted by rinac:

The "others', by the way, might show her a really great time doing exactly as I'm suggesting, and then where will that leave you?

Broke and lonely, which is exactly the way I feel right now.

08/19/2006 01:41:26 AM · #36

Originally posted by Gaby_G:

Can I ask how long have you been dating, and how long has she been divorced?

She's been divorced about two years... and we've been dating since February.

Message edited by author 2006-08-19 01:44:05.

08/19/2006 01:42:29 AM · #37

Originally posted by fotomann_forever:

Originally posted by klstover:

Gosh, this is all so difficult. :-\

Yeah, I know... I've made myself sick (physically) several times over the past two days thinking about it.

Oh.... *hug*

Make sure you read my "summing up"... I think it's important for you to realize that it's okay if you can't continue this way.

I've always thought that being on the same page is *hugely* important in relationships... if I start to think people I am in a relationship with are not on the same page as me (even in a more minor way than you think) it makes me go eeee... so this, being so major.... *hug again*

Canon EF 28-90mm f/4-5.6 II USM (Black)

08/19/2006 01:43:35 AM · #38

Originally posted by fotomann_forever:

Broke and lonely, which is exactly the way I feel right now.

Awww... now there are tears in my eyes for you.

You do not deserve this. I really want things to work out with you two and I really want you to be able to hang in there but... you do not deserve this.

Gaby_G

Canon EOS-5D

08/19/2006 01:48:36 AM · #39

Originally posted by klstover:

Originally posted by fotomann_forever:
Broke and lonely, which is exactly the way I feel right now.

Awww... now there are tears in my eyes for you.

You do not deserve this. I really want things to work out with you two and I really want you to be able to hang in there but... you do not deserve this.

I completely agree with this...And also think you must be in the same page with someone to be happy.... She has a past that will be very (if not impossible) to erase... And it will be following you all the time.. this means that even if she opens a little some time, just a distraction from you will make her close again... I think you are in a relationship that you do not deserve, you are giving to much for someone that doesnt feel ready to recieve it...

Canon EF 24-105mm f/4.0L IS

08/19/2006 01:48:46 AM · #40

Originally posted by fotomann_forever:

Broke and lonely, which is exactly the way I feel right now.

This statement worries me a little... I'm sorry that you're feeling lonely, I really am, but the fact that you keep bringing up the money issue makes me wonder if you're not expecting a little payback for your dollar?

I apologise if that's sounds cruel. I'm just really trying to get you to look inside yourself a little deeper.

Art Roflmao

Canon EOS-6D Mark II

08/19/2006 01:53:28 AM · #41

Originally posted by fotomann_forever:

Serious please :-(

Well, I know when I am not wanted. ;-)

Leroy, I read the all the posts and am of no use because I've been in very few relationships in my adult life - like I could count them on two fingers - and also because of the constraints you put on this thread topic, but I will say some prayers that your situation works itself out for the best - these things always tend to.

Now I must click "ignore" lest I give in to compulsion.

08/19/2006 01:53:29 AM · #42

Originally posted by rinac:

I apologise if that's sounds cruel. I'm just really trying to get you to look inside yourself a little deeper.

No apologies needed. Well, she is a single mother of 4 with pretty much a deadbeat Dad... and she's also a college student with no job, because she's also taking care of her grandmother.

So, I do end up helping her out monetarily as much as I can.

I love her kids to death. Problem there being, if me and her don't work out I'm REALLY going to miss them.

Tamron AF 28-300mm f/3.5-6.3 XR Di LD Aspherical IF for Canon

08/19/2006 01:55:16 AM · #43

Originally posted by fotomann_forever:

I love her kids to death. Problem there being, if me and her don't work out I'm REALLY going to miss them.

Ahhh, now this is the tragedy. I dare say, since you've been together for a couple of years, that the children have grown attached to you too, right?

SDW

Canon EOS-60D

08/19/2006 01:56:27 AM · #44

edit: after reading every post.

Message edited by author 2006-08-19 02:31:13.

08/19/2006 01:58:50 AM · #45

Originally posted by rinac:

I dare say, since you've been together for a couple of years, that the children have grown attached to you too, right?

Not quite a couple of years, only since february... (messed up my precious post) but yes, they do dig me a lot.

Nikon AF Nikkor 50mm f/1.8D

08/19/2006 02:03:09 AM · #46

Originally posted by fotomann_forever:

Not quite a couple of years, only since february... (messed up my precious post) but yes, they do dig me a lot.

Ooops, sorry, got the timeline mixed up.

Ok, now mulling this over a bit more...

Neuferland

Google Pixel 2

08/19/2006 02:07:14 AM · #47

REad through the thread and have a couple of questions for you to think about.

First, the deadbeat dad, is he going to be a problem or is he out of the picture completely. You need to factor this in, how is she handling the situation? Is she going after him for child support, etc?

Two, I read your description of her, divorced, 4 kids, college, taking care of grandma and quite honestly all I could think of was, "RUN! AS FAST AS YOU CAN IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!" But that's hard to do when you've made the emotional commitments that you have already. You also said you contribute to the household with money, just how much are you "helping" her out and with what? Things that are needed by the family or things that are wanted? There's a big difference there and that could also influence the kids attitude towards you. One thing I'm learning in my therapy is that kids want, constantly and when they find someone that is willing to give they take full advantage of it. They aren't being mean or greedy, they are just being kids and it's our responsibilty as the adults to teach them the boundries and that you sometimes have to do without and/or earn the things you want.

Just a few things to think about.

Message edited by author 2006-08-19 02:07:34.

_eug

Nikon D50

08/19/2006 02:08:50 AM · #48

My brother, I feel your pain. I did that once, but it never really work out for me. I have no advice, but you have my empathy.