Serious please :-( - DPChallenge Forums

Canon EF-S 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6

08/19/2006 12:57:28 AM · #1

If you really love someone and they can't seem to understand that or for some reason can't accept it, what do you do?

Do you fight for them? Do everything you can and hope they will accept it? Or what?

Help!

[/whining]

Update: Well, I've decided that it's time for me to move on. I will continue to be her friend (less benefits) and start dating other people. I think she is fine with that.

Soooo, I've met this nice girl and I think we are going out very soon. Oh, and there are two more that I think dig me too.. :-)

[smiling]

Message edited by author 2006-08-24 15:49:47.

amber

Canon EOS-300D Rebel

08/19/2006 01:00:42 AM · #2

Are you talking about when someone doesn't feel the same way? or is it that they don't believe you?

neophyte

Nikon D810

Nikon AF-S NIKKOR 24-70mm f/2.8G ED

08/19/2006 01:01:28 AM · #3

You only control what you accept....

Canon EF 28-135mm f/3.5-5.6 IS USM

08/19/2006 01:02:29 AM · #4

Originally posted by amber:

Are you talking about when someone doesn't feel the same way? or is it that they don't believe you?

More like they have been hurt before and are scared to accept it... or so I was told.

I Enjoy Ham

Canon EOS-30D

08/19/2006 01:05:30 AM · #5

hurt by you, or hurt by someone else?

Canon EF-S 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6

08/19/2006 01:06:39 AM · #6

Originally posted by I Enjoy Ham:

hurt by you, or hurt by someone else?

Her ex husband was really repressive and cheated a lot.

amber

Canon EOS-300D Rebel

08/19/2006 01:06:40 AM · #7

You give them time and just keep showing them through genuine words and actions that you care and that they can trust you not to hurt them again...that's if you are prepared to wait?

rinac

Pentax K20D

Pentax SMC-F 50mm f/1.7

08/19/2006 01:07:03 AM · #8

Originally posted by fotomann_forever:

Her ex husband was really repressive and cheated a lot.

Then fight.

Message edited by author 2006-08-19 01:08:01.

Olympus 40-150mm f/2.8 PRO M.Zuiko

08/19/2006 01:07:11 AM · #9

I think at that point you need to respect that person's wishes... if you weren't told by the person in question I'd think confirming that with them might be a good idea.

I think that love is willing to say "I can be your friend, and only your friend, if that's all you need" even when it hurts really, really badly.

But who knows.... keep being a good friend and they might come to love you back... be it love for a friend, or wanting something more.

edit: Ah.. ex husband. Wow.. *thinks* Something like that has GOT to take a huge toll on a person. It's going to be a little while before trust can happen again...

Message edited by author 2006-08-19 01:08:39.

Brad

Olympus OM-D E-M1

08/19/2006 01:08:09 AM · #10

When you try and make something happen before it's time, it backfires.
You have to let nature run it's course and never force an issue otherwise it's doomed.

08/19/2006 01:09:18 AM · #11

I also think... patience can BE a way of fighting for what you love.

rinac

Pentax K20D

Pentax SMC-F 50mm f/1.7

08/19/2006 01:11:07 AM · #12

Life's too short - fight.

08/19/2006 01:12:30 AM · #13

Originally posted by klstover:

I think that love is willing to say "I can be your friend, and only your friend, if that's all you need" even when it hurts really, really badly.

I think that would work for me, if there wasn't the physical involvement already...

In that... the lack of commitment kinda scares me...

08/19/2006 01:14:25 AM · #14

Originally posted by fotomann_forever:

I think that would work for me, if there wasn't the physical involvement already...

In that... the lack of commitment kinda scares me...

Oh. Um... crap.

I have no idea.

Except for this: honesty is always the best way to go... if you haven't shared how you're feeling you could try that.

08/19/2006 01:15:51 AM · #15

Originally posted by klstover:

Except for this: honesty is always the best way to go... if you haven't shared how you're feeling you could try that.

I have several times, often even...

I say, "I love you." I get "That's sweet"

08/19/2006 01:19:16 AM · #16

Originally posted by fotomann_forever:

Originally posted by klstover:

Except for this: honesty is always the best way to go... if you haven't shared how you're feeling you could try that.

I have several times, often even...

I say, "I love you." I get "That's sweet"

Well, I guess I mean more like "hey, I love you, and it sort of bothers me that we are not on the same page with this. I know things have been rough for you but I'd feel more comfortable knowing our feelings and expectations matched up a little better"

ps re "that's sweet": :-( :-(

Canon EF 28-90mm f/4-5.6 II USM (Black)

08/19/2006 01:22:44 AM · #17

"hey, I love you, and it sort of bothers me that we are not on the same page with this. I know things have been rough for you but I'd feel more comfortable knowing our feelings and expectations matched up a little better"

We've had that discussion too, a few times, but I've never gotten any resolution from it.

I feel she wants to be able to see other people. But, I'm not comfortable at that level...

I'm almost to the point where I want to say "all or nothing"...

I'm pretty much very confused.

Any singlke ladies wanna go out? LOL --- edit: nevermind... doesn't even sound fun to me right now...

Message edited by author 2006-08-19 01:23:50.

Gaby_G

Canon EOS-5D

08/19/2006 01:24:13 AM · #18

It has happened to me (being her side) and I can tell you for sure, that it will take A WHILE for her to be able to trust someone else (if she ever can do that)...You may end frustrated, and it`s horrible because probably you think that you dont deserve it, but in her case it will be hard to believe anyone... It`s not against you, probably it is against her... The must that you can do, is try to confirm you true feelings, not by words, but by your acts and the way you are around her...Be patient, caring and loving, if you love her that much stay by her side to show her that you really care...Good luck!

08/19/2006 01:25:05 AM · #19

Originally posted by fotomann_forever:

We've had that discussion too, a few times, but I've never gotten any resolution from it.

I feel she wants to be able to see other people. But, I'm not comfortable at that level...

I'm almost to the point where I want to say "all or nothing"...

I'm pretty much very confused.

Oh gosh! Well, at that point.. I mean, I know she is probably still hurting from her past, but that doesn't mean that you deserve to hurt as well. I think "all or nothing" might not be a bad idea? (Well, as long as you will be okay if the answer is "nothing")

rinac

Pentax K20D

Pentax SMC-F 50mm f/1.7

08/19/2006 01:26:41 AM · #20

Originally posted by Gaby_G:

Completely agree. That's what I mean by fight. I DON'T mean tell her you love her. That's not it. What you should be doing is making the time you two spend together, the best time ever. Go out places, do crazy things together, make her laugh lots, sit and watch chick flicks with her... etc etc..

08/19/2006 01:27:26 AM · #21

Originally posted by klstover:

Well, as long as you will be okay if the answer is "nothing")

I'm pretty sure that will be the answer. Seems everytime she starts letting her guard down, she builds a new bigger one overnight.

08/19/2006 01:28:47 AM · #22

Originally posted by fotomann_forever:

Seems everytime she starts letting her guard down, she builds a new bigger one overnight.

That doesn't surprise me... if something like that had happened to me I'd be really scared too. :-\

08/19/2006 01:28:50 AM · #23

Originally posted by rinac:

Done all that. I'm REALLY broke at the moment, because I bought her daughter school uniforms., even.