They're pretty good, you're hitting most of the technical aspects. I personally think they are fine the way they are, but some modelling agencies auditioning you as a photographer may not like the dark areas below the subjects eyes. It can make the person look a little less rested.
Your subject seems comfortable, which, to me, is one of, if not the most important thing after the technical aspects of model photography. if the model is uncomfortable with you, it will show in her body language. My favourite one is the one that has more of her body in the shot.
Sometimes it is hard to judge a technically good photo of a model. If there's no obvious problems in the focus and exposure, people tend to focus on the subject itself, and ignore other things like cropping, composition etc. Just be aware that when working with an modelling agency, a masterful photograph in your eyes (and the eyes of your peers) may not be seen sa it should be to the person looking through your portfolio. I only warn you because I've known some photographers who actually get the job, but end up returning from the interview dissapointed because someone didn't go "Wow" when looking at a masterfully composed photo.
Once you get some good portraits in your portfolio, go to some modelling agencies and see if they'll "hire" you on as a volunteer. Often, new models who are starting out and have no money to pay a photographer, will be looking for a photographer with a thin portfolio. It's a nice symbiotic relationship, and if the modelling agency sees you have some talent, they will probably have a long list of models with potential who don't have the start up money. Generally the arrangement is to take the photos for free, and let them worry about prints. Some photographers will actually provide some prints for free if they are really desperate for models.
You're certainly doing well, and I'd love to see some more. And hopefully my unorganized comments help even a little. ;-)
-Hideo
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