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01/17/2006 04:49:00 PM · #1 |
Vin Diesel never shaves; he shoots himself in the face every morning so his facial hair doesn't get the wrong idea.
Onions do not make Vin Diesel cry. Vin Diesel makes onions shiz themselves.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.
When Vin Diesel had his first wet dream, he nearly drowned.
If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
When Vin Diesel drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.
Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.
Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.
Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is shiz!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Vin Diesel's hair is too afraid of him to grow.
When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.
In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.
Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shiz.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
Vin Diesel covers his Slip 'n' Slide with gravel
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01/17/2006 04:54:09 PM · #2 |
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01/17/2006 04:57:51 PM · #3 |
Lol...that was freakin hilarious.
My roomates got a kick out of it too...
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01/17/2006 05:00:00 PM · #4 |
These things crack me up. I should make one up about Ansel Adams.
Message edited by author 2006-01-17 17:00:30.
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01/17/2006 05:01:42 PM · #5 |
I like the one about Mr. T
Mwha...that one rocks
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01/17/2006 05:02:18 PM · #6 |
Originally posted by stare_at_the_sun:
I like the one about Mr. T
Mwha...that one rocks |
Chuck Norris is pretty funny as well.
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01/17/2006 05:02:48 PM · #7 |
OMG! Wildly funny. When I read the one about the wet dream, I about fell out of my chair !!!
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01/17/2006 05:04:25 PM · #8 |
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad chuck norris never cries.
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01/17/2006 05:05:59 PM · #9 |
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01/17/2006 05:07:46 PM · #10 |
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01/17/2006 05:25:53 PM · #11 |
Psssstt....
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01/17/2006 05:26:29 PM · #12 |
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01/17/2006 05:54:49 PM · #13 |
Really funny - I think.
Who is Vin Diesel? |
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01/17/2006 05:58:11 PM · #14 |
OK, I googled him.
Never heard of him or any of his movies.
Guess I gotta get out more? |
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01/17/2006 06:52:07 PM · #15 |
Originally posted by strangeghost:
OK, I googled him.
Never heard of him or any of his movies.
Guess I gotta get out more? |
It may just be the generation gap. ;o)
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01/17/2006 07:05:14 PM · #16 |
Originally posted by strangeghost:
OK, I googled him.
Never heard of him or any of his movies.
Guess I gotta get out more? |
most of his movies are about as good as a punch in the face.
except Pitch Black --- cause he invented black.
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01/17/2006 07:49:19 PM · #17 |
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01/17/2006 07:59:17 PM · #18 |
Originally posted by Brent_Ward:
Originally posted by strangeghost:
OK, I googled him.
Never heard of him or any of his movies.
Guess I gotta get out more? |
It may just be the generation gap. ;o) |
Never heard of Vin Diesel he dies in saving private Ryan when trying to help a little French girl, he was the first triple X , he was in the first fast and the furious, and he was the pacifier. I am not a big fan though.8~) |
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01/17/2006 08:14:53 PM · #19 |
| Hahhhahahhahahahahhahhahhahahhahhahahahhaahhahahahahhahahaha...somebody stop me. |
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01/17/2006 08:28:20 PM · #20 |
that was TOO GOOD
hahahahha
(my sides hurt) |
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01/18/2006 02:47:37 AM · #21 |
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01/18/2006 03:00:52 AM · #22 |
| He was in shaving ryans privates? |
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