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10/30/2005 07:07:57 PM · #1 |
I saw this in another forum I frequent and I thought it was pretty funny so I'm sharing it with you.
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We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox
became oxen not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse
or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of
pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called
beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural
would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak
of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we never
say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
Some reasons to be grateful you grew up speaking English (ain´t that great!):
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind! For example...If you have
a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a
tree!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in
eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English
muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work
slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is
it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of
them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that
smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a
wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?
If Dad is Pop, how's come Mom isn't Mop?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
--Author Unknown
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10/30/2005 07:13:26 PM · #2 |
LOL, I like that. I copied and pasted it into Word so I can save it on my computer and pass it on.
And people wonder why some have a hard time learning the English language. |
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10/30/2005 07:23:41 PM · #3 |
| I can relate to that. I used to sit through years of English lessons at school (in Germany) and shake my head at the overwhelming number of exceptions to the rules. |
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10/30/2005 07:24:26 PM · #4 |
That Rawks.. thanks for sharing got my giggle for the day!!
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10/30/2005 07:28:07 PM · #5 |
Originally posted by Beetle:
I can relate to that. I used to sit through years of English lessons at school (in Germany) and shake my head at the overwhelming number of exceptions to the rules. |
It's not the exceptions, it's the exceptions to the exceptions.
Such as....'i' before 'e' except after 'c', right? BUT, not in the 'â' as in neighbor and weigh.
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10/30/2005 07:35:53 PM · #6 |
English is screwy, but with all the ways to pronounce and spell it's a good thing we have spell checkers. :D
Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
It rarely ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased to no
Its letter perfect in it’s weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
(Something my niece brought home from school last year, don't know who wrote it).
David
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