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10/18/2005 05:58:41 PM · #51 |
"MOON RIVER!!! You got the whole fist in there Doc"
-- From the movie Fletch!
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10/18/2005 06:13:24 PM · #52 |
Remember to ask the Doc for a note to show all your friends that after extensive examination, he has conclude that your head is not up there.
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10/18/2005 06:23:23 PM · #53 |
Originally posted by thatcloudthere:
Do I have to get nekkid for him (yes him) to touch my nuts or will the cancer show through my pants?
Also, can't I just rub my nuts and tell him what I feel? |
Well, why don't you save yourself and everyone else a lot of trouble and embarassment - test your blood pressure with a spare inner tube and the heat meter off your barbecue, tickle your arse with your finger, cup your nuts and cough, say "aaaagh" into a mirror, poo into a cup, piss in a bottle, dip some litmus paper in both samples, ring your doc up and say everything's fine, get a beer and watch TV?
Thanks indeed for this thread. Cracking entertainment!
:D |
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10/18/2005 07:15:16 PM · #54 |
| Please report back on your pee&nuts checkup.... hope you are okay;-) |
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10/18/2005 07:18:42 PM · #55 |
Originally posted by gibun:
Please report back on your pee&nuts checkup.... hope you are okay;-) |
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!
Hope everything turns out okay! In no time at all you'll be scrambling around like this little guy:
Nuts
Message edited by author 2005-10-18 19:23:34. |
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10/18/2005 07:32:58 PM · #56 |
Originally posted by Strikeslip:
I think you seem a little TOO reluctant to have your satchel fondled by a man. I think you're afraid you may like it.
;-) |
You beat me to it..I was gonna say "though protest too much". And as a side bar, if men had to go through what women do you guys would cry a whole lot more. |
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10/18/2005 07:37:32 PM · #57 |
i don't suppose you've ever passed kidney stones through your urethra then...
Originally posted by GoldBerry:
Originally posted by Strikeslip:
I think you seem a little TOO reluctant to have your satchel fondled by a man. I think you're afraid you may like it.
;-) |
You beat me to it..I was gonna say "though protest too much". And as a side bar, if men had to go through what women do you guys would cry a whole lot more. |
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10/18/2005 07:37:32 PM · #58 |
those women out there taking a jab at us men... i have a theory for you.
fact: women can handle much more pain than men.
fact: new born babies can take much more pain than women.
fact: the reason babies can take so much more pain is because their under developed brains do/can not register the pain. thus..... |
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10/18/2005 08:09:10 PM · #59 |
Originally posted by laurielblack:
It could be worse...he could have to undergo a Manogram... ;)
 |
While I too have been ROFLMAO over this thread, this tested the limits. Now that I have picked myself off the floor, I can only say: Good One, Laurie!
And I do hope our guest of honor comes home, er, feeling good. |
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10/18/2005 08:12:53 PM · #60 |
Originally posted by laurielblack:
It could be worse...he could have to undergo a Manogram... ;) |
This thread is definitely entertaining! I laughed! I cried! I pulled something! :) |
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10/18/2005 08:21:53 PM · #61 |
Originally posted by kpriest:
Originally posted by laurielblack:
It could be worse...he could have to undergo a Manogram... ;) |
This thread is definitely entertaining! I laughed! I cried! I pulled something! :) |
No, dear, you're not supposed to pull it. |
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10/18/2005 08:27:22 PM · #62 |
Originally posted by sfalice:
No, dear, you're not supposed to pull it. |
Doh! :P |
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10/18/2005 08:32:17 PM · #63 |
Originally posted by sfalice:
Originally posted by kpriest:
Originally posted by laurielblack:
It could be worse...he could have to undergo a Manogram... ;) |
This thread is definitely entertaining! I laughed! I cried! I pulled something! :) |
No, dear, you're not supposed to pull it. |
actually, at the hospital where I work, we get prisoners who stuff things inside their penis, and we do have to pull it ...out onto the xray cassette. Smile pretty for your picture dear.
- Linda
Message edited by author 2005-10-18 20:33:31. |
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10/18/2005 08:35:45 PM · #64 |
Originally posted by ShutterPug:
actually, at the hospital where I work, we get prisoners who stuff things inside their penis, and we do have to pull it ...out onto the xray cassette. Smile pretty for your picture dear.
- Linda |
THANKS for sharing. |
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10/18/2005 08:37:16 PM · #65 |
This might make you feel better: Imagine that your nuts are inside your abdomen. You must get naked (with the exception of a flimsy paper gown) and lay on an icy metal table, stick your legs up in stirrups, skootch all the way to the edge so half your butt sticks over. Then a doctor and nurse come in. The doctor sticks, first a hand, follwed by a cold metal torture tong device, into a place where such things were never meant to go. Then he/she swabs around with an evil cousin of the pipe cleaner until you wince in pain. The nurse pretends to be absorbed in preparing slides. All of this followed by a strange patting and prodding of your boobs that will put you off your significant other for a few days. After this is over, they assure you that you will only have to go through this once a year for the rest of your life, if you are lucky!
Oh, I wish my nuts were on the outside. |
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10/18/2005 08:39:55 PM · #66 |
The fun part is, he can't be alone in the room with you, so if he has a male nurse, you'll have one feeling you up, and the other watching :o)
If you ever feel a pain in your nuts, take it easy on your back, don't touch them for two weeks, wear tight undies, and take advil. If the pain goes away, you've just saved yourself from 20 people looking at, feeling, sonograming, and otherwise spending your insurance money just to feel you up.
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10/19/2005 07:49:48 AM · #67 |
Okay, I'm back...what a long night! (just kidding)
So he felt...no, he squeezed my nuts as if checking for ripeness. I figured if I did have cancer down there he just scared the hell out of it and cured me on the spot. I asked him if my nuts were small but apparently my voice was so high-pitched only the dogs outside heard it (does three barks mean yes or no?).
Peeing in a cup was much easier than I thought...I used the "halt and continue" method, despite my coworker's assurance that the "midstream cup shuffle" worked much better. My pee is embarassingly warm.
Oh, and it seems everything's fine with the nuts...this morning I get my blood tested (for the thyroid thing and other stuff) and we'll see what happens from there. Thanks for the (im)moral support, everyone! |
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10/19/2005 08:48:28 AM · #68 |
Originally posted by thatcloudthere:
Okay, I'm back...what a long night! (just kidding)
So he felt...no, he squeezed my nuts as if checking for ripeness. I figured if I did have cancer down there he just scared the hell out of it and cured me on the spot. I asked him if my nuts were small but apparently my voice was so high-pitched only the dogs outside heard it (does three barks mean yes or no?).
Peeing in a cup was much easier than I thought...I used the "halt and continue" method, despite my coworker's assurance that the "midstream cup shuffle" worked much better. My pee is embarassingly warm.
Oh, and it seems everything's fine with the nuts...this morning I get my blood tested (for the thyroid thing and other stuff) and we'll see what happens from there. Thanks for the (im)moral support, everyone! |
You owe me a new keyboard dood. Pepsi and electronics do not mix!
M
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10/19/2005 09:33:56 AM · #69 |
Originally posted by ShutterPug:
actually, at the hospital where I work, we get prisoners who stuff things inside their penis, and we do have to pull it ...out onto the xray cassette. Smile pretty for your picture dear.
- Linda |
Good Lord!!!! What in the hell could they possibly hide inside of their penis??? LOL! We have a corrections program here at the college, so I hear all sorts of prison/jail stories....I'll have to ask about his one! yuck!
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10/19/2005 09:50:34 AM · #70 |
Originally posted by colyla:
Good Lord!!!! What in the hell could they possibly hide inside of their penis??? LOL! We have a corrections program here at the college, so I hear all sorts of prison/jail stories....I'll have to ask about his one! yuck! |
They're not really trying to hide anything. They do this so they can get a night out of their cell by going to the hospital. Half the time they do it while showering - right in front of the guard. Heck, I had a guy last wqeek that swallowed a razor blade so that he could come to the hospital. This was right after he swallowed a paperclip and the pull from his jacket zipper, which the prison doc told him would just pass through so he could not go....he knew the razor blade would do the trick. He's in for life, so this is the only way he can see the outside world. Very sick.
- Linda |
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10/19/2005 10:36:46 AM · #71 |
Originally posted by thatcloudthere:
Originally posted by laurielblack:
Let's leave my transgendered dog out of this, please. ;)
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With ears like that, he must be compensating for something...not to mention the pink dress. I suddenly feel slightly manly. |
I still think Peanut's related to a certain odd basketball player... they both have the same pink boas... |
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10/19/2005 11:20:12 AM · #72 |
Originally posted by thatcloudthere:
Okay, I'm back...what a long night! (just kidding)
So he felt...no, he squeezed my nuts as if checking for ripeness. I figured if I did have cancer down there he just scared the hell out of it and cured me on the spot. I asked him if my nuts were small but apparently my voice was so high-pitched only the dogs outside heard it (does three barks mean yes or no?).
Peeing in a cup was much easier than I thought...I used the "halt and continue" method, despite my coworker's assurance that the "midstream cup shuffle" worked much better. My pee is embarassingly warm.
Oh, and it seems everything's fine with the nuts...this morning I get my blood tested (for the thyroid thing and other stuff) and we'll see what happens from there. Thanks for the (im)moral support, everyone! |
Damn now I'm sorry I missed this in the beginning. Honestly do you really think your doctors enjoys sticking his hand up your ass or feeling your nuts??? If you answered yes then just smile and wink at him. Hell what do you have to lose. He's already got your nuts in his hand and you might as well make the best out of a situation. Just don't give him a kiss goodbye. As for the "halt and continue" DUDE you NEVER pinch it off. Thats gonna be your follow up feel by your doctor when you go in complaining your walking funny from pinching it off.
Step 1 start by filing cup at begining of stream.
Step 2 pause only after the cuup is near the top and only long enough to move the cup away quickly.
Step 3 finish peeing.
Step 4 cap the cup before doing up your pants as it spills all over the place.
Step 5 after cup is capped and pants are done up, rinse the cup under hot water to wash off any drippage.
Step 6 Carry your sample to the nurse dripping with water and hand it to her telling her you might have missed a bit or dribbled (in other words) and make sure your smiling.
Step 7 walk back into the doctors office and ask him loud and proud "Are you ready to fondle my nuts???" (also said with a smile) this way he'll think your crazy and will just go for the quick grab instead of the caring fondle.
Step 8 when he's done ask him if he's gonna buy you dinner. This way he won't do this to you very often if ever again.
When you need to get ready for your butt tests PM me for the much needed things to do the night before and the right befores of going to the doctors. Such things can include but are not limited to smearing chocolate pudding all over your butt right before you enter.
If theres a way out of trouble you've found the right person fr advice.
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10/19/2005 11:22:35 AM · #73 |
::sends in Comittment papers on Kevin::
::watches as the men in white coats bring a nice jacket for Kevin::
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10/19/2005 11:23:46 AM · #74 |
Originally posted by greatandsmall:
patting and prodding of your boobs |
I thought this was normal. I do this at work all the time to get out of meetings or out of work earily.
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10/19/2005 11:24:38 AM · #75 |
Originally posted by di53:
::sends in Comittment papers on Kevin::
::watches as the men in white coats bring a nice jacket for Kevin:: |
I already have a jacket that lets me hug myself all the time. Its my favorite color. lol
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