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DPChallenge Forums >> General Discussion >> Time to laugh!!
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Showing posts 26 - 50 of 85, (reverse)
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 09/10/2005 11:48:30 PM · #26
What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl........???

You get a cock that stays up all night.
 09/10/2005 11:50:10 PM · #27
How do you get rid of a submarine full of blondes?
Knock on the door.
 09/10/2005 11:50:10 PM · #28
A little boy with a speach problem goes trick or treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate.

He goes up to the door and says "Twik or Tweet"
The lady at the door says "oh! who are you tonight?"
The boy replies.."I'm a piat!"
"where are your buckaneers?" the lady asked.
"ON MY BUCKIN HEAD!!"--boy says
 09/10/2005 11:50:40 PM · #29
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her
new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first
lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state her
husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love,
for the next 30 years, with him thinking that it was a
cute way for her to afford new clothes and other
incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to
find her husband in a very drunken state. During the
next few minutes, he explained that his employer was
going through a process of corporate downsizing, and
he had been let go. It was unlikely that at the age of
55, he'd be able to find another position that paid
anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore,
they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed
thirty years of deposits and interest totaling nearly
$1 million. Then she showed him certificates of
deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2
million, and informed him that they were one of the
largest depositors in the bank. She explained that for
the 30 years she had charged him for sex, these
holdings had multiplied and these were the results of
her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over
$3 million, her husband was so astounded he could
barely speak, but finally he found his voice and
blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing,
I would have given you all my business!"

That's when she shot him.
 09/10/2005 11:56:49 PM · #30
The man excused himself from the dinner table, needing to go for a pee. Coming back at the table everyone was shocked to see he pissed all over himself. 'What happenned?' they asked.

"These new bi-foculs... I took it out aiming and when I looked down I saw this thing is far to big to be mine... so I put it back....."
 09/10/2005 11:59:46 PM · #31
Cinderella needed to go to the ball, but she was on her period.
The fairy godmother turned a pumkin into a tampon and told her to be back by midnight or it would turn back.

So Cinderella went to the ball.
11:30 came and went
11:45--still no Cinderella!
Fairy Godmother is freaking out! Oh poor Cinderella! That poor dear!
12:30--Cinderella comes home

She was in a shocking state! Her hair was all messed up and her dress too. But she had a BIG SMILE on her face! The fairy godmother screams.."Oh Cinderella! Are you alright? How do you feel?" "Wonderful! I met the Prince!"-she said. "What? The prince? What Prince?" said the Fairy Godmother. "Peter Peter Pumkin Eater"-said Cinderella.
 09/11/2005 12:00:48 AM · #32
definition of a redhead... a blond on heat.
 09/11/2005 12:03:18 AM · #33
definition of a blowjob... a taste of things to come.
 09/11/2005 12:05:48 AM · #34
Aussie foreplay... "brace yourself Sheila.."
 09/11/2005 12:06:22 AM · #35
WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?

He needed a rough draft before the final version
 09/11/2005 12:09:58 AM · #36
Woman was definately not created by an engineer... they would never put the sewerage right next to the funpark.
 09/11/2005 12:10:14 AM · #37
Why did the woman break off her relationship with the french horn player?
Because everytime he kissed her he tried to push his fist up her ass!

What is the difference between a seamstress and a flute player?
A seamstress tucks up the frills........

Why did Arnold Schoenberg have to break into his house?
Because he didn't have a key!
 09/11/2005 12:10:23 AM · #38
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
 09/11/2005 12:11:43 AM · #39
Vladimer and Natasha were doing IT.

"Natasha.. and why is puskinski so dry tonight?"
"Because Vladimer, you are licking the carpet..."

Message edited by author 2005-09-11 00:12:04.
 09/11/2005 12:14:02 AM · #40
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
 09/11/2005 12:14:30 AM · #41
Originally posted by gibun:
Vladimer and Natasha were doing IT.

"Natasha.. and why is puskinski so dry tonight?"
"Because Vladimer, you are licking the carpet..."


that is funny!!
 09/11/2005 12:17:27 AM · #42
Jerome rocks up home with a brand new Mustang.

"where you got that you scoundrel, you been stealin' again?" asked the wife.

"it's like this", he explains, "well, you see at the market to day they had a challenge... the man with the longest schlong he can win the Mustang"

"Oh no! you did'nt show them that thing!" cried the wife.

"Nope, just enough to win.."
09/11/2005 12:19:17 AM · #43
An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey & the old m walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking & the boy was riding.
The man & boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk."
They then decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey.
The boy & man said they were probably right, so they decide to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal & he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story?
If you try to please everyone, you might as well...
Kiss your ass good-bye.
 09/11/2005 12:21:59 AM · #44
Favorite Canadian joke of all time (being Canadian myself)...

Why do Canadians do it doggy style?
So she can watch the hockey game too.
 09/11/2005 12:23:08 AM · #45
A priest, a rabbi and a preacher walk into a bar.
The bartender says...what is this, a joke?
 09/11/2005 12:25:43 AM · #46
Confucious..'Man who puts cock in peanut butter is f_cking nuts'
 09/11/2005 12:27:37 AM · #47
Confucious.. 'man who fishes in another man's pond may catch crabs'.
 09/11/2005 12:30:26 AM · #48
Confucious say " It is better to sleep with old hen than pullet "
 09/11/2005 12:34:24 AM · #49
Feminine Language: Lesson One

A must-read for all men. Keywords and their meanings:

FINE: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING: This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with a huffy "Fine."

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare, one that will result in my getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

(LOUD SIGH): This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

(SOFT SIGH): Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

OH!: This exclamation, followed by any statement, is trouble. Example: "Oh, let me get that." Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows and "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that we can't bring ourselves to write about them.

THAT'S OK: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's OK" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's OK" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead." At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO: This is not a statement; it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's OK."

THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say, "You're welcome."

THANKS A LOT: This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A LOT," when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only say "Nothing."

I hope this clears up any misunderstandings...
09/11/2005 12:57:42 AM · #50
Confucious say - Man walking backwards through airport door is going to Bangkok
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