Gluttonyby
dugparkComment by KiwiShotz: ::: Critique Club :::
Hi Doug, this is the in-depth critique you asked for from one of the CC members, I'm delighted I drew it. Your 4th best result too.
First Impression - the most important one:
It made me laugh. Hippos just look the part of gluttons. I wasn't overwhelmed or wowed by it but I scored it as a good average image but not a remarkable one.
Composition:
The cropping and positioning look right but for some reason the overall effect is underwhelming. Composition could help here I believe. Because the eye enters an image bottom-left and exits top-right(like we read), the compositions that appeal subconciously are those that allow the eye to enter and stop it from leaving.
One of your commenters said that she couldn't settle on what to look at. Another felt uncomfortable about the exposed area top-right. A third didn't like the underexposed area bottom-left. See the pattern? Something in the composition was working against you.
I suggest that it might have been maddeningly easy to address too. Try flipping it left-right. When you do that, there is a bright open area for the eye to enter (just where the eye expects it to be). The eye then can travel up the "leading line" (bottom-left to top-right) of the forehead onto the fat rolls of the neck - which is the major point of your image. The almost solid dark area of the shoulder then
prevents the eye from leaving the image. All in all, a perfect composition which would probably negate those three composition related comments and maybe got you an extra point from each of them.
I know this al sounds like mumbo jumbo but it's not. It's well researched in the art history world and it works.
Subject:
Perfect for illustrating your message:) It's on challenge, it's funny and it's simply portrayed.
Technical (Colour, focus, and light):
Good focus and despite the two comments about the exposure in opposite corners, it looks like you just about got it right. The top right isn't 'blown' too much and you've managed to hold the detail in the almost black shoulder. I would agree with the commenter who suggested perhaps a little less contrast and you've had addressed both issues. I sympathise, sometimes you're stared at it for so damn long, you can't view it objectively any more.
I'm interested in why you went to black and white. I have seen a
lot of B&W lately on DPC and somethimes it just doesn't look like the best treatment of the subject. Such a reaction is hugely subjective, perhaps even heretic, without having seen the coloured original. In this case, It doesn't appear that mono has added to the impact. It may have detracted from it - but that's not really a terribly fair comment because you saw it and worked it for a valid reason.
I'm really interested in your camera settings and the reason for them. Were they a left over from a night shoot or a purposeful setup. ISO800 is fast stuff which is of course prone to noise although I can't see any on this monitor - he wasn't moving that fast was he? Perhaps you were in his enclosure and the one moving fast?
To grow its vote?:
Some suggestions to try in the privacy of your own home (delivered in a plain brown wrapper). Flip it, lower contrast and possibly colour - over to you.
Summary:
Good image and one that I think did have some basic areas that would have seen it doing even better than 60% (which is pretty good for a start)
Brett
