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DPChallenge Forums >> General Discussion >> Trouble with my girlfreind - Please advice!!!
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09/20/2005 02:24:10 AM · #1
Well.. i thought this is the best place to ask something like my story... and this is what happned:

i have a small studio i built in my house,and i took some of my freinds photoes.. mostly girls.. the word spread around the city and more girls come to be photographed.. i personally like it.. the problem is - My girlfreind doesnt.. the thing that cracked everything is that iv put in my portofolio - portrait a phot of my ex girlfreind.. so she was really pissed off.. i apologize for this one.. coz it wass out of line.. i just thought it was a good one...

the big question: how do you explain its simple photography "without nothing in the air"
i hope some of you have experience the same thing as i did...

now.. what should i do about the other portraits... should i stop?
p.s...
My "H" is not so jeoulos.. its just she is in n.z.. and im in Israel right now.. so she is not around me... maybe thats the reason?

this is my love portraits...:
,

thats some of my studio work for some other portraits.. i would love to get some comments.. coz i might put them off..
,

my other portraits: Jellyman portraits

People of the world portrait: Jellyman World portrait

Message edited by author 2005-09-20 02:25:48.
09/20/2005 02:29:37 AM · #2
I think no 3 bottom row is hotter than your GF.
I say Dump her.

You think you have problems, Think of what a Gynaecologist goes through!

You are talented with portraits. If she cannot understand it's your job, and to do it properly you need to connect with your subject to do it well, she or you need to move on.

I would suggest though that you wait till she is with you before continuing.



Message edited by author 2005-09-20 02:33:58.
09/20/2005 02:30:43 AM · #3
My EX-WIFE didn't like me taking photos of other women...

If there is no trust now, just imagine what it will be like later.
Good Luck!

Message edited by author 2005-09-20 02:31:10.
09/20/2005 02:33:33 AM · #4
It's what you do -- a part of who you are. She needs to accept that.

Trust doesn't exist when you two are in the same room -- only when apart.

Personally, I think you two need to talk -- really talk. There seems to be something on her mind she is having trouble getting out -- otherwise, why would it come out as hostility (jealousy).

David

Message edited by author 2005-09-20 02:34:50.
09/20/2005 02:42:21 AM · #5
Let me just say that she doesnt want to tell me to stop coz she feel bad if she will.. but i know its upset her...

donfanatic: i see you had the same trouble as i had.. you stress me out a little by saying EX-WIFE...
09/20/2005 02:51:41 AM · #6
She's feeling insecure. She's a long ways away, and all she sees of you is that you're hanging out with babes. It may be a trust issue (she doesn't believe a studly guy like you can hang out with babes and not get a little action on the side) but it doesn't have to be that. It might be simple jealousy (Her real beef is that they get to hang out with you and she doesn't, and she's jealous of them and projecting it onto you).

No way for us to know. Possibly no way for YOU to know, at this point. If it's jealousy she isn't likely to admit it, after all. Either way, it's fairly immature, although perhaps less so if you've given her REASON in the past not to trust you. Her anger over the posted shot of your ex-GF is pretty off-the-wall, though, IF the shot was taken before you split up witht hat GF and hooked up with the current one. But shit, man, if your life with her is gonna consist of her trying to expurgate your history, your past, that's really bad...

Again, I don't know the details.

If your current GF is younger than you (18 or 19 say) then the immaturity might be something she's going to grow out of. If she's your age, 24 or 25, that's pretty old to be harboring petty feelings like this, and it's a warning sign big-time.

I lived in a marriage where bit-by-bit my wife stripped me of my entire past, so I've been there and regretted it.

If youw ant to keep shooting babes AND keep her happy, it's possible that if she has a female friend she trusts where you are, that friend could "assist" you in your model shoots, serving as a de facto chaperone, and put your GF's mind more at ease.

My gut reaction is that this is a rerlationship that isn't going to work, but I really don't have enough information to make that call.

Robt.
09/20/2005 02:55:35 AM · #7
I still say go with no3 and start doing NUDES Hehehe!

Life is too short for carrying around this kind of crap. Live free, honest,true and beautifully.

Message edited by author 2005-09-20 02:56:56.
09/20/2005 03:00:40 AM · #8
Im not sure what your insurance/ suit proof due to poverty, coverage is like, but you might want to have someone sitting in on the shoots for more than your girlfreind's sanity's sake. Perhaps I hang out with lawyers too much, but I always either get the subject to bring a freind to help, or I bring an assistant to any shoot behind closed doors. It not only re-assures my wife that we are just shooting, it keeps misunderstandings that might result in law suits or hurt feelings to a minimum.
09/20/2005 03:01:12 AM · #9
i know you cant do this but i take mine to the shoots and she gets to share a lot of insightful input. that way she knows what im up to..she understands though (i think) she knows it what i like and she has known it for a long time. if your GF doesnt understand and if its not just trying to get attention cause youre far away then go with BlackDots advice!
09/20/2005 03:25:01 AM · #10
Damn, half and hour and none of the DPC Ladies have responded -- I expected this thread to be a couple of pages by now. :)

David
09/20/2005 03:42:38 AM · #11

I have been in this situation before with my wife! I had a work colleague ask me to take some photos of her on the beach (some topeless). My wife was all sweet at first until the day and then started getting edgy. When I got back from doing the shoot she was all fire and brimstone. My advice, if you like your woman and she's not comfortable with it, no matter how hard it is stop doing it! Otherwise, fire away cause you've got some good shots there.
09/20/2005 03:43:31 AM · #12
You lucky bastard! Send them to me in NZ. I'll take their pictures!

P.S. Don't piss a Kiwi girl off. They are very DANGEROUS!

09/20/2005 04:08:56 AM · #13
I had to reply for some here.. thx for the comments.. but i must clear some things out:

1. iv never gave her a reason not to trust me...i was always Faithfull
as "bear music" asked..

2.For BrennanOB - i must say i dont take nude.. and i agree with yo uabout somebody siiting there.. but not in simple portrait as i did.. nude picture need to be treated differently and im sure any woman would be pissed off about it (and im 25 with no action right now..)

3..that bring me to what Britanicca said: I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SOME COMMENTS FROM YOU WOMEN OUT THERE...

so go ahead.. im waiting...

for "bandit": "find your own girls!!" (im kidding)
but i must say that i found out that in every woman there is a side that want you to take their picture... its part of there nature..
another proof is how many "self portraits" are here on DPC from woman..
correct me if im wrong...
09/20/2005 04:20:14 AM · #14
Originally posted by jellyoooo:



another proof is how many "self portraits" are here on DPC from woman..
correct me if im wrong...


Awww, Jellyoooo - we like to enter the same Challenges that you do, including those self-portrait ones.

Besides, self portraits are fun, especially if you can wear fur, guilt-free.



As far as your problem goes, I think you guys are doing a great job of puzzling it out on your own.

09/20/2005 05:05:24 AM · #15

(Her real beef is that they get to hang out with you and she doesn't, and she's jealous of them and projecting it onto you).


OK, here's a female take.. Bear Music pretty much summed it up. There's no rational explanation and it can't be resolved logically. I feel for her and I do sympathize with you. All I can say is - forget loooooong distance relationships!!! I know it doesn't help your present situation but believe me, there's no easy way out and somebody's got to make a mighty big sacrifice here. Maybe you should move down to kiwi-land for her and that way she'll have you around all the time and you can still shoot babes. ;-) Me, I moved to France for my guy ...
09/20/2005 05:11:45 AM · #16
Its o.k - we have plans to get a life together.. its just temporary that we are split apart..

maybe i shouldnt get photoes of girls when she is far away... only when she is with me..

to be honest for all the woman photographer.. i would be jelous too if she took other man but only like nude stuff...


09/20/2005 05:31:21 AM · #17
I know that I will run into very simular troubles with my girlfriend in near future. I just hope that the fact that I will have a second person avaiable functioning as a stylist if going to nude or showing some skin pictures. That stylist is a friend of a friend of hers and a good friend of mine. Already assisted in a wedding photo shoot that I did last year.

But I believe that the biggest reason for her being unsecure about the picture of your ex girlfriend might be that she thinks you still have feelings for her and/or that she feels like she doesn't match up to her if they two were put in front of you.

I'm hoping that my girlfriend will understand that I want to make photography a part of my life both professionally and personally. Hoping for her support rather than disapproval.

Good luck, hope this doesn't trouble your future. Have that talk with her that someone suggested here.
09/20/2005 05:59:52 AM · #18
Point her to this post, it might help her to see that you are concerned about it.
The problem with Jealousy is that it is one of those emotional things that seem to appear regardless of logic. It is something that all people experience, just some can control it and some can’t. The only way to fight it is with trust, and with a long distance relationship, you don’t have any way to build that trust.
My wife makes some snide comments about my photographing other women and Nudes, but I think we have built up a trusting enough relationship that it isn’t a big problem.
One thing that is important is always to share the photographs with her. Don’t hide anything. Get her involved. After a shoot (Especially nude) my wife is keen as punch to see the shots. (Probably wants to compare & find any imperfections that she doesn’t have).
On the other hand my wife hates having her photo taken, and knows that I like photographing people, so I have no choice than to photograph other people.

Try to involve her in the selection process, cropping, post processing.

So try the following:
Whenever you are going to do a shoot, tell here before hand.
Afterwards show her the photos (By e-mail or web page).
Ask her opinions, what she likes, what she dislikes.
Get her involved.
Get her to choose the favourites.

I find my wife often sees flaws or problems that I don’t as women always look at other areas than men. I tend to look at the face, and overall composition, my wife looks directly for wrinkles, folds, bulges, unevenness, crinkles fat bits, thin bits etc. that I often completely don’t see.
09/20/2005 06:53:27 AM · #19
Wow.. aKiwi... i must say.. first thx..

second.. i never thought about it the way you decrive it.. sharing talking about the photoes with her.. i defenetly gonna try that..

im so excited so i think that would probebly work...

but still i think ill take it at a time.. no nude for now.. (
althogh some offered...)

ill start with your approach..
thx..
09/20/2005 06:59:02 AM · #20
OK one I'm not sure I'd show her this post she maybe upset that you are sharing your relationship problems with the world.
Two I know I'm extremely Jealous and I would probly be mad at my man too, though I wouldn't say anything until he really ticked me off and then I'd let all the crazy ideas I'd been brooding on come flying out which would end in a big fight gaining nothing-why? Because I am not confident with myself. I don't think my hubby would ever cheat but then again..... It may be inssues that she needs to work on. If you've never given her a reason to doubt you maybe she was burnt by someone in the past and has trouble trusting. Tips to help
tell her you wish she could go with you, complain about the other girls but not too much it may seem fake, never lie to her about a girl being less attractive than what she really is because if she later sees the girl's photo and the girl is pretty she gonna think you crazy reasons why you lied to her. Make sure to compliment her on a regular basis that will help her with confidence issues. If you never compliment her and are out taking pics of pretty girls all the time she will get up set. When you are together tell her you want to take her pic and never let her see you fixing all her flaws in PS. I know it sometimes makes me feel bad when my hubby spends an hour going over every flaw.
These are just a few tips. I wouldn't give up on her yet, especially if you love her, all relationships have issues but you have to try to work together on them. Poeple just give up anymore and regret it later. Not saying to live miserable forever trying to fix things but some problems are small and easy to fix with time, patience, and understanding.
Hope this helps some.
Angie
09/20/2005 07:03:35 AM · #21
but still i think ill take it at a time.. no nude for now.. (
althogh some offered...)


Damn! I really wanted to see no.3 nekkid. Ah well..
09/20/2005 07:13:56 AM · #22
My two bits.....

If you are going to lead a life to please others; to make them happy, then you will end up miserable at some point. The reason being: If someone requires you to make them happy, then their happiness is derived from an external source like the high one gets from drugs. After a while they expect more and more things to be done in order for them to be happy. Mean while, you are trying to do more things to make them happy, and losing yourself. Eventually, they will use that against you. There are three outcomes:

1. It will be the, "If you do that I will not be very happy about it" statement. It eventually leads to a very ugly situation called "emotional blackmail", and is very damaging.

2. No matter what you do it will not make them happy and in many cases the other or both become angry about it which can lead to open hostility plus the possibility of substance abuse to get that high in life (alcohol being one of the substances of choice).

3. The other will just believe you are inadequate and since they are dependency personalities they will seek others to fill where you no longer seem able to.

It is better to do what you like and be with others who enjoy the experience with you. We all need things that fill us up with life, but the happiness must be from within us, not around us.
09/20/2005 07:33:23 AM · #23
Ok, another females advice. Jealousy is a sign of lack of trust. Trust is CRUCIAL to a truly solid relationship. Now, you are both young (I am assuming she is around your age)and I truly believe you have to go through the relationships that are less than perfect in order to appreciate the right relationship when it comes along. Now, you are also a long way away and yes, we girls do like to think we are cherished by our men and when they are away, that is a little hard to show and words can only go so far. (ever heard of the phrase..actions speak louder than words..it's so true). My advice would be to send her a photograph of yourself each day or contact the people you know in New Zealand and get them to take her a flowers from their garden each week. (trying to think of things that don't cost a lot of money). Basically, I am saying, blow her away with things that take thought to organize and that way she will KNOW you are spending time thinking about her. Now, if it still continues, then it is a maturity issue and it is something you will need to either a) live with until she matures or b) decide to do without. The main point is NEVER give up on YOUR dream to please someone else. Always identify the problem and work on that, rather than let her make demands of you that will affect your dream. And, it is true, If you find the right person, you will know it and when you get there, enjoy my friend.
09/20/2005 08:11:32 AM · #24
Ok....As a photographer....My Husband would not like it if I was taking photos of other men without him there....and I can understand that! I don't think it has to do with trusting me but he would be wondering what the men are doing! and if he was taking photos of half naked woman when I was not there, I would not be very happy! Not knowing what is going on in those photo shoots maybe driving your GF crazy!

Maybe you should wait until you are together again so her can see for herself what does on!

Melissa
09/20/2005 08:14:03 AM · #25
I can understand how she isn't happy with the situation, but you need to explain to her that this is what you love to do...it's not about the girls or anything like that, your passion lays in photography. If she cannot understand your passion, what truly makes you happy then I think you're better off without her.

EDIT: Invite her on a photoshoot...tell her she's more than welcome to come along on any photoshoot she wants to. If she's good with makeup, ask her to be the makeup artist, etc...get her involved if you can -- that is, assuming you don't have anything to hide ;-)

Message edited by author 2005-09-20 08:15:01.
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