| Author | Thread |
|
|
08/19/2005 11:32:35 AM · #1 |
Hypothetically speaking: You are working abroad. Your wife goes into a junk shop looking for some dolls to use for an image.The guy in the shop suddenly grabs your wife by the wrist hard, saying he is going to kiss her eyes. He hurts her wrist but she manages to break free and escape. How would you feel if:
a) your husband had to be reminded the next day thar it happened
B) he couldn't understand why you were still upset three days Later
C) This was the 7th time you had been asaulted in some form in the last 10 years. |
|
|
|
08/19/2005 11:37:56 AM · #2 |
Contact the local authorities, and have them know about it.
I see no reason for you not to talk to ur hubbie. |
|
|
|
08/19/2005 11:39:08 AM · #3 |
A. He's an idiot!
b. He's an idiot!
c. What were you wearing at the time of the asaults and where were you each time? Maybe you need to have a companion or a big gun with you on these junk shop ventures. |
|
|
|
08/19/2005 11:39:45 AM · #4 |
Well, as a husband I'd have immediately called the cops, and probably had to be restrained from pounding the guy with a baseball bat. But that's just me. I could care less if someone flirts with my wife, but if you hurt her you're (generic you) in big trouble.
As a wife (if I were), I'd probably be even more pissed at my husband that he didn't care, than at the original guy. Then I'd go out and take some martial arts classes, and kick the $h!+ out of the next person that accosts me. |
|
|
|
08/19/2005 11:41:21 AM · #5 |
It's very dangerous to cast judgement on someone else here with only one side of the story. I don't know what goes on behind closed doors.
Having said that, it's obvious that this hypothetical lady is upset and has some issues surrounding what happened, and I'd encourage her to see someone about it. |
|
|
|
08/19/2005 11:43:02 AM · #6 |
I'm guessing all of the above.
Learn what a well placed knee can do to dissuade such overtures. ...probably would work on the husband as well. ;)
Seriously - what country? - makes a big difference as to what action to take. |
|
|
|
08/19/2005 11:43:52 AM · #7 |
Originally posted by vtruan:
A. He's an idiot!
b. He's an idiot!
c. What were you wearing at the time of the asaults and where were you each time? Maybe you need to have a companion or a big gun with you on these junk shop ventures. |
Isn't what she was wearing irrelevant? Behaviour like that is never acceptable.
Edit... yes it does depend on the country and culture.
Message edited by author 2005-08-19 11:44:28. |
|
|
|
08/19/2005 11:45:46 AM · #8 |
Originally posted by BobsterLobster:
Isn't what she was wearing irrelevant? Behaviour like that is never acceptable. |
I agree. Unless she was wearing a T-Shirt that said "Kiss my eyes" |
|
|
|
08/19/2005 11:46:55 AM · #9 |
| If she is wearing a mini-skirt in to a junk shop. The junk shop dogs (men) will be snarling and ready to take the meat. Yes attire can insite an attack, not always but it can in certain places. |
|
|
|
08/19/2005 11:47:30 AM · #10 |
He said I sounded calm on the phone so he thought I was over it.
He gets home and I'm suddenly angry - but he thinks I should be angry at the guy - buy he neve once said call the police - what does that say about me?
|
|
|
|
08/19/2005 11:47:48 AM · #11 |
I seem to remember hearing somewhere that a kiss on the eyes was a sign of respect somewhere but it sounds like he really hurt you and I'm glad you got away. As far as your questions here are my answers:
a) He is an insensitive idiot that apparently doesn't take your fears and feelings into consideration. It took everything my wife in her had to keep me from returning to a shop where the cashier had just commented about her chest. He needs to take your seriously and if not call the cops at least help you deal with this.
b) see answer to a)
c) Do you have to work abroad? Any way you can return to a safer location or has this happened other places? I would certainly call the authorities and travel in more numbers. Make him go with you once but enter as a separate customer after you so they don't know you are together, let him see what happens.
And I'm sorry if it is taken out of context but vtruan your question about what you were wearing really makes no difference. People will assult you no matter what you are wearing. It makes it sound like she was asking for it by the way she was dressed. If that wasn't your intent in the question I'm sorry but that's how it sounds.
|
|
|
|
08/19/2005 11:52:44 AM · #12 |
| I agree that dress may not matter, but if the cloths show skin, attention can be drawn easier to these perverts than conservatively dressed, especially in certain places. Would you let a loved one go dressed showing lots of skin in all places? I hope not. |
|
|
|
08/19/2005 11:53:12 AM · #13 |
I was indecently assaulted in the UK 10 years ago and all the police wanted to know was what was I wearing!!!!!!!!
It's not a one sided story - it is exactly as stated. And it is Singapore one of the safest cities on earth. I just wanted to know if others thought the same way. BTW I had a Long skirt on - covered from hea to foot - only my hands showing. |
|
|
|
08/19/2005 12:06:40 PM · #14 |
does "kissing in the eyes" mean anything?!
Singapore is a very safe city, as stated, but wouldn't it be like a local tradition, or gesture, of some sort!?
The person used of force to grab you, but try to find out if it's some sort of manifestation.
I've tried google for it, but couldn't find out relevant info! |
|
|
|
08/19/2005 12:10:05 PM · #15 |
Originally posted by vtruan:
I agree that dress may not matter, but if the cloths show skin, attention can be drawn easier to these perverts than conservatively dressed, especially in certain places. Would you let a loved one go dressed showing lots of skin in all places? I hope not. |
Thats bullshit. I've met a LOT of girls that show a lot more then skin and not once would I have even considered touching or doing someting to them that would be harmfull. Attitudes like this piss me off because it says to people with nice bodies and pleasant looking that they "NEED" to cover up to protect themselves. Yes, showing skin will cause attention but its kinda like a fat person wearing spandex. Its a privilage NOT a right. No man has ANY right to put his hands on ANY women regardless or race, creed or color. If I was there I would have simple put a bullet in him and make him think twice about his actions. I'm not a viol;ent person but I have zero tollerance when it comes to crap like this. If you want I will jump a plan and do it without questions asked. Thats how much I hate it.
|
|
|
|
08/19/2005 12:30:39 PM · #16 |
Originally posted by notonline:
Originally posted by vtruan:
I agree that dress may not matter, but if the cloths show skin, attention can be drawn easier to these perverts than conservatively dressed, especially in certain places. Would you let a loved one go dressed showing lots of skin in all places? I hope not. |
Thats bullshit. I've met a LOT of girls that show a lot more then skin and not once would I have even considered touching or doing someting to them that would be harmfull. Attitudes like this piss me off because it says to people with nice bodies and pleasant looking that they "NEED" to cover up to protect themselves. Yes, showing skin will cause attention but its kinda like a fat person wearing spandex. Its a privilage NOT a right. No man has ANY right to put his hands on ANY women regardless or race, creed or color. If I was there I would have simple put a bullet in him and make him think twice about his actions. I'm not a viol;ent person but I have zero tollerance when it comes to crap like this. If you want I will jump a plan and do it without questions asked. Thats how much I hate it. |
I don't think it was meant to be against the people wearing the revealing cloths, it is against the people that can't control there feelings and desires enough to leave others alone. Yes, it is b s that a woman can't wear whatever she wants out in public without someone staring or desiring over her. Yes it is a part of human nature to desire what you don't or can't have, but it CAN and needs to be controlled. Nobody, man or woman, should have to put up with that.
The man that grabbed your arm may have hurt your wrist and it will heal but what your husband needs to understand is that the images and thoughts and even pain that man put in your head hurts MORE and does NOT heal as easily as a flesh wound.
|
|
|
|
08/19/2005 12:33:58 PM · #17 |
Originally posted by amber:
He said I sounded calm on the phone so he thought I was over it.
He gets home and I'm suddenly angry - but he thinks I should be angry at the guy - buy he neve once said call the police - what does that say about me? |
It sounds to me like the real issue runs deeper than an unpleasant experience with a grabby shopkeeper.
This type of thing happened to a friend of mine, and the underlying problem was that her husband had a fear of confrontation and was not capable of standing up for her (or even himself, for that matter). She needed someone more assertive, and their marriage eventually broke up.
It sounds like the hypothetical husband may have boundary and communication issues. If this type of thing happens frequently, counseling might help. If it's a one-off experience, I'd let it go. He might even be ashamed about how he handled it; and rehashing the past can't change what's already done.
Dress should have no bearing on the fact that people should not make such advances. If a woman feels the need to dress seductively for strangers she may have reason to seek counseling; but that's nobody else's business.
Remember women's emotions sometimes confuse men. Hell, they confuse me too! Imagine being him and coming home to find out she was really still angry, and now it's his fault. I'd probably be defensive too.
I've learned (the hard way) that when I have a problem with something my hubbie did, to wait until I've cooled down, tell him I'd like to talk about something, and ask when we can discuss it. That way I don't ambush him. This always works for us. Once I've gotten something off my chest, I seem to feel better. And he is actually willing to modify his behavior.
I hope the Hyptheticals work it out.
|
|
|
|
08/19/2005 12:38:04 PM · #18 |
Originally posted by notonline:
Originally posted by vtruan:
I agree that dress may not matter, but if the cloths show skin, attention can be drawn easier to these perverts than conservatively dressed, especially in certain places. Would you let a loved one go dressed showing lots of skin in all places? I hope not. |
Thats bullshit. I've met a LOT of girls that show a lot more then skin and not once would I have even considered touching or doing someting to them that would be harmfull. Attitudes like this piss me off because it says to people with nice bodies and pleasant looking that they "NEED" to cover up to protect themselves. Yes, showing skin will cause attention but its kinda like a fat person wearing spandex. Its a privilage NOT a right. No man has ANY right to put his hands on ANY women regardless or race, creed or color. If I was there I would have simple put a bullet in him and make him think twice about his actions. I'm not a viol;ent person but I have zero tollerance when it comes to crap like this. If you want I will jump a plan and do it without questions asked. Thats how much I hate it. |
Thankyou notonline.
I cant believe what insensitive ******* some people can be. She could be walking around naked and that does not give anyone the right to EXCUSE an assult because of her attire. Attitudes like Vtruans are the reason that more women DO NOT report rape and assult than women that do and these sick people continue to walk the streets.
It doesnt matter whether or not dress insites a feeling in someone, when you blame assult on attire, you give that someone an excuse to be a dirtbag. That is wrong.
If all of a sudden i started walking down the streets of colorado & started shooting only men with beer bellies who wore button down shirts, would that make it more okay? Hell no. There is absolutely no difference in the 2 situations.
Amber - i am very sorry this experience happened to you. Please, if you haven't already, report it. It is not your fault - but if you play the victim instead of taking action, it is all two posible that it will happen to another young woman before this shop keeper is repremanded. No one can take back what has happened to you, but you may be able to save it from happening to another. *hugs*
edit - my pissed off spelling is 10x worse than my normal spelling
Message edited by author 2005-08-19 12:44:16. |
|
|
|
08/19/2005 12:41:04 PM · #19 |
Assault on a woman is never acceptable in any circumstance. I don't care if she was running butt ass naked down the street in a state of hysteria from popping one to many exstacy drops. lol sorry got carried away there.
The only thing that would make a difference here is her behavior at the store. Was this a random action on his part or was it prompted by your behavior. What cause the encounter? Where were you in relation to him? Did you talk to him? What was your body language? At that point you can devise whether he thought it was appropriate to kiss you, but obviously the manner that he approached it is never acceptable. Even in a long standing relationship where "rough play" is staged and pre-meditated the couple's would want to conduct themselves better than that.
I think really the only reason the above questions need to be answered is so you can better understand why this is a re-occuring pattern for you. Is it your behavior, environment, perception, etc. Are you not cautious enough of your surroundings? As so on!
I think it would be really hard for anyone here to devise whether your husband is a dick or not by the way he is acting. The only advice I could give you is that you must take care of yourself and do what you think is right. If you feel assaulted you need to pursue action despite your husbands efforts. If he is truly acting "uncaring" it will be something you can deal with later, but should not be the deciding factor on how you deal with this situation.
IMHO
|
|
|
|
08/19/2005 12:47:51 PM · #20 |
Why are you asking us to validate your feelings of anger towards your husband? I don't get it...talk to him if you're angry.
Does it make any difference if we say
a) he's a dick
b) he's a dick
c) he's a dick
? |
|
|
|
08/19/2005 12:49:06 PM · #21 |
| Elli & Kevin, calm down. I could careless if ya walk down Broadway, NTC naked, that's your priority. The truth, which may be beyond P.C., is that there are thousands of purverts in this world. Why did the police ask the same question? Purverts/rapists will attack and it you dress like a hooker, you may be treated like one. Just my opinion. I'm not the feeler type, so sorry your feeling are so hurt, but the truth is we need to get these jurks of the streets. So, go after the attackers and cut their nuts off. |
|
|
|
08/19/2005 12:51:46 PM · #22 |
Originally posted by amber:
buy he neve once said call the police - what does that say about me? |
I think it says more about your husband than it does you, men are generally quite retarded when it comes to understanding things like this, try and explain how it makes you feel, hopefully he will then understand.
You shouldn't have to put up with what you went though, no matter where you are and it cetainly shouldn't matter what you were wearing.
|
|
|
|
08/19/2005 12:59:21 PM · #23 |
Originally posted by amber:
... C) This was the 7th time you had been asaulted in some form in the last 10 years. |
Sorry, but this sends up a flag for me. And before anybody jumps all over me for saying this, let me state that I am not defending the guy's actions. However, if somebody is consistently the "victim" of some type of action, I have a hard time believing they are completely innocent.
Case in point: My mother recently volunteered the information that she has been rear-ended in her car 6 times in her life. Either she's making it up (not impossible), or her driving technique needs an overhaul.
|
|
|
|
08/19/2005 01:05:54 PM · #24 |
Originally posted by vtruan:
Elli & Kevin, calm down. I could careless if ya walk down Broadway, NTC naked, that's your priority. The truth, which may be beyond P.C., is that there are thousands of purverts in this world. Why did the police ask the same question? Purverts/rapists will attack and it you dress like a hooker, you may be treated like one. Just my opinion. I'm not the feeler type, so sorry your feeling are so hurt, but the truth is we need to get these jurks of the streets. So, go after the attackers and cut their nuts off. |
Attitudes like yours are the reason pervesion is allowed to exist. Why did the cops ask the same question - because they are run by people like you - middle aged men with mysogenist attitudes towards women. Why do the perverts exist, because whenever a woman tries to report a sex crime, she is put up against the wall by people like you. By excusing an assult due to attire allows the cycle to continue. And i hate to break it to you, but most women who are assulted dont dress in mini skirts. The majority of sex crimes committed on women happens in thier own neighbourhood & is commited by someone they know. Commited why they are walking down the street home from thier school bus or at a family bbq.
I will go after people like you, thankyou. Because people like you are the reason the "junk" stays on the street. People like you are the reason women are afraid to report sex crimes. To get the junk of the street, we gotta start getting rid of attitudes like yours.
Message edited by author 2005-08-19 13:06:34. |
|
|
|
08/19/2005 01:09:31 PM · #25 |
Criminal actions are just that, criminal. I am not going to jump into the discussion wholeheartedly, but I want to make a suggestion to those who are. Some posted quarrels over differing opinions are operating on two different levels: theoretical and applicable. Now, while hopefully these two interact on a consistent basis, the fact remains that they sometimes do not.
Example: Humanity wants justice (theoretical). Justice does not always occur (applicable).
Example: Criminality should not be justified (t). Reasons behind actions are complex (a).
Example: Loved ones should support loved ones (t). Relationships are complex (a). Misunderstandings occur because we are human (t and a).
Do you see how my "theory" "applies" to this matter?
|
|
Home -
Challenges -
Community -
League -
Photos -
Cameras -
Lenses -
Learn -
Prints! -
Help -
Terms of Use -
Privacy -
Top ^
DPChallenge, and website content and design, Copyright © 2001-2024 Challenging Technologies, LLC.
All digital photo copyrights belong to the photographers and may not be used without permission.
Current Server Time: 04/24/2024 05:28:00 PM EDT.
