Would you be mad? - DPChallenge Forums

Canon EF 85mm f/1.2L II USM

11/11/2014 04:05:41 PM · #1

My brother-in-law is a preacher. Not the kind of preacher I grew up with, though... more of a fire and brimstone type. He made it clear not too long ago that anybody with differing opinions on certain political issues are going to hell. Also, anyone who hasn't been "saved". So twice for me. I knew this was his belief, but this was the first time he had directed to me personally. He says he would rather offend me than to offend the god that gave him breath, or whatever.

I'm not asking if I should be mad at him, I've pretty much shrugged him off. I don't need people like that bringing me down. I'm not mad, he is forgiven, and on with life. Right? I don't need that kind of hate in my life.

I'm mad at my husband... I'm just questioning whether I should be or not. None of this bothers him what-so-ever. When I avoid his brother, he gets mad. But seriously, the thought of even running into him in the street makes me hot and mad. Hubby thinks I'm over-reacting, and basically I think he's under-reacting.

So opinions please. If you were me, how would you handle this? Would you expect your husband to be a little more on your side? Guys, if your brother had this opinion of your wife, would you expect her to "just get along"?

Also, he's been accepted to a job in Florida and is getting his bro a job there too. It lasts six weeks and they will be living together. He wants me to ride down with his sister-in-law, 11 hours, because she won't fly, and spend my Thanksgiving break with them. WTF

Cory

Canon EOS-1D Mark IV

11/11/2014 04:16:32 PM · #2

I'd start trying to convert him to a secular worldview, I'd try to get him to trip over his own bullshit. (and trust me, it's deep enough they ALL trip over it pretty quickly)

Incidentally, here's a good book.

ETA: I have no opinion on the other part. All I know is that given the strength of my views on this, I've decided that I really can't successfully maintain a close relationship with anyone who holds religious views, it's just too big of a chasm in worldview. So I guess if I had a brother, and he acted like this, I'd probably have converted or strangled him by now, and you wouldn't need to worry about it.

Message edited by author 2014-11-11 16:22:08.

raish

Olympus C-2500L

Nikon AF Nikkor 50mm f/1.4D

11/11/2014 04:24:39 PM · #3

RE: thanksgiving bullshit break - stipulate alternative accommodation to which you can withdraw if bro-in-law preaches at you. If anyone asks if that's really necessary or if you're serious? What do you think?

Plan B: take Cory along

11/11/2014 04:25:08 PM · #4

That sounds downright stressful (but looks like an interested read)... and this guy is about as closed-minded as they get. He once asked if I wanted to debate about an issue. I said sure and he named a topic. I had half a sentence out before he let out a big loud laugh and turned to talk to someone else.

Canon EF 85mm f/1.2L II USM

11/11/2014 04:26:42 PM · #5

Originally posted by raish:

Good suggestion, thanks. :D

Cory

Canon EOS-1D Mark IV

11/11/2014 04:30:32 PM · #6

Originally posted by Omega_Donkey:

Sounds like someone you're completely within your rights to simply refuse to tolerate. I am now of the opinion that you have no obligation to tolerate this jackass. You have the choice of going, and simply pretending like he doesn't exist, or not going.. Both of those have some serious drawbacks though, so I guess you could just pretend to have 'found Jesus' and really screw with the guy - spout off about Jebus riding dinosaurs, and how you're pretty sure that all muslims need to die, and how much you love and adore Sarah.... Just be so outrageous that he tries to be the voice of moderation.

11/11/2014 04:33:16 PM · #7

I think he would be proud of me and take credit. :( That sounds too much like him.

RayEthier

Canon EF-S 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6 USM

11/11/2014 05:12:22 PM · #8

I know for a fact what I would do... I would direct him to This.. but only because I am a man of few words.

If that fails... bring

Cory along, he can explain things a lot better than I can. :O)

Ray

Kelli

Canon EOS-D60

Canon EF 28-135mm F/3.5-5.6 IS USM

11/11/2014 05:22:06 PM · #9

I briefly had a relative go into the "saved" camp that was preaching at all of us sinners at every family function. I convinced her I'd converted to Satanism and she never spoke another word to me. She's no longer in the family though. :D

Lydia

Canon EOS-6D

Canon EF 100mm f/2.8L Macro IS USM

11/11/2014 05:23:10 PM · #10

Interesting... Families can be so awkward sometimes.

On the one hand, it seems to me that he firmly believes that if you don't get "saved" (I assume as Jesus to be your savior?), then you'll go to Hell. He doesn't want you to go to Hell, so he wants you to do everything you can so you won't go there.

In that case, if he were MY brother-in-law, and he believed that, and didn't TELL me, well... I'd be offended that he didn't love me enough to tell me. I mean, if you had cancer and he had the cure... you'd be ticked off that he didn't tell you, right?

On the other hand, how did he tell you this? Was it an "in your face" moment or a calm discussion? If so, I don't think I'd take to kindly to what anyone had to say to me if the delivery was mean. I've always told my children, "You may tell anyone, including Daddy and me, anything you want... as long as... you say it respectfully".

11/11/2014 05:36:41 PM · #11

It was in a pm via Facebook :/. More of a last straw I guess. He's always walking into my house and preaching. His favorite words are let me finish. Then literally hours go by. My house! I'm tired of being polite.

RayEthier

Canon EF-S 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6 USM

11/11/2014 05:36:46 PM · #12

Life is funny sometimes.

On my last trip back from my last trip to Australia I got to sit right next to a very nice Catholic clergyman who teaches theology at a University in Massachussets.

We discussed an array of things, (including religion) and the thing that I enjoyed the most is that although our perspectives on religion, dogma and dieties differed substantial (like not even close)... not once did he attempt to convert me.

That is probably the reason why the conversation was both long lasting and interesting.

Ray

Message edited by author 2014-11-11 17:37:36.

Elaine

Canon EOS R5

Canon EF 24-105mm f/4L IS II USM Lens

11/11/2014 05:53:29 PM · #13

Maybe some ground rules, especially in your house. Acknowledge that you have heard and understand his beliefs, but tell him you do not agree and will not subject yourself to any dialog about religion. Stand firm, and if he will not comply, politely ask him to leave your house.

You cannot make your husband choose between you and his brother, but I think he should back you up and make sure his brother doesn't preach in your presence.

MadMan2k

Sony Alpha a6400

Tamron 70-180mm F/2.8 Di III VXD

11/11/2014 06:32:06 PM · #14

I probably couldn't handle continued interactions with that guy if it's as bad as it sounds - if it were me I'd probably skip the thanksgiving. I am thankful not to have any family members I clash with, but not communicating with most of them more than a couple times a year (not for any specific reason, it's just how it is) probably helps to pre-empt any clashes...

I very much dislike being preached to, and would actively avoid anyone who refused to respect that.

vawendy

Sony Alpha 1

Sony FE 200-600mm f/5.6-6.3 G OSS

11/11/2014 07:13:04 PM · #15

only read the original post -- I'll have to go back and read the rest. But the husband is sooooooo in the wrong! To quote the bible (since we're being biblical here) And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh

Not backup the brother so he can be rude to the wife. He should be supporting you. It doesn't matter if he thinks you're overreacting. Even if you were (which you aren't), he should be supporting you and not letting his brother be so insufferable. He's afraid to go against his brother.

If he stuck up for you, it would solve a number of things, because the brother would probably listen to him.

The solution doesn't lie with changing your brother-in-law. It lies with your husband. (you couldn't change your brother-in-law if you tried.)

11/11/2014 07:31:04 PM · #16

Thanks everybody!! You have no idea! Will say more later... Kids visiting for dinner 😀. And btw I'm gonna be a grandma!!! ☺️

Erastus

11/11/2014 09:53:55 PM · #17

You shouldn't ever be mad with anyone. Well, I guess since you're married it's impossible to never be mad.
Getting mad just hurts you, no one else. I used to have a co-worker that informed me, since I didn't belong to his 300 member independent Baptist Church, I would taste hell right after my last breath. I told him I'd already had a bottle of Black Label beer. He laughed and finally stopped getting on my case about religion. I find the best thing to disrupt an unwanted discussion of religion is a fart. Only works in person though..........

Mike

Tamron SP 24-70mm f/2.8 Di VC USD Canon Mount

11/12/2014 07:55:14 AM · #18

just tell him that that if heaven is going to be filled with people like him, you'll gladly take eternity in hell.

Mousie