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09/23/2004 09:09:06 PM · #1 |
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know -- take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying, "Hello."
I politely said, "Could I please speak with Robin Carter?"
Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I realized I had called the wrong number. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had accidentally transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the Caller ID program?"
He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for that spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window . . so, I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole ( I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an asshole."
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.
"Hello."
"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."
Then I called Asshole #2.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, asshole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are...!"
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street.
When I got there, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and the channel 13 news crew.
NOW, I feel better - This is "Anger Management" at its very best. |
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09/23/2004 10:00:49 PM · #2 |
too funny ... :)
No, you cannot have my phone number
Coley |
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09/23/2004 10:27:16 PM · #3 |
| wow...I love that caller id part. thanks for making me laugh. :) |
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09/23/2004 10:53:54 PM · #4 |
| That is very funny and did the incident actually occur? If it did I am very surprised you did not get involved. The reason I say this is because someone does not have to have caller ID to trace or backtrack a call. If a crime had taken place and this had escalated to a court case phone records would have be subpoenaed and your number would have been on each persons record along with the times called. I know this because I was part of such a case where someone called me up at my business and threatened my family after a confrontation had taken place a few days prior. I called the police and because I knew the time of the call (give or take a few minutes) it did not take them long to locate the man. He just happened to be on parole and his terrorist threats put him back in jail. |
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09/23/2004 11:20:22 PM · #5 |
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09/24/2004 12:38:48 AM · #6 |
| This is something I will remember...great job |
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09/24/2004 12:42:15 AM · #7 |
| I think it's kind of sad, actually. |
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09/24/2004 06:24:31 AM · #8 |
| Of course I did not do this, since there is no channel 13 in iceland, but I thought I had to share this insanely funny story :) |
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09/24/2004 06:30:28 AM · #9 |
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09/24/2004 09:00:33 AM · #10 |
| Click Here for the Snopes entry on this. |
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09/24/2004 09:29:50 AM · #11 |
| As I said, of course this was not me doing this, but it is very very funny :P |
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09/24/2004 10:19:49 AM · #12 |
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09/24/2004 11:22:32 AM · #13 |
| I was literally ROTFL when I read this. Thanks for the great story. |
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