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12/08/2008 01:06:27 PM · #1 |
Think you can?
Post your best dirty joke, funny/nasty(within site rules) photo, ROTFLMAO song (NSFW)... whatever...
Whoever succeeds in turning me the brightist shade of red will earn a special gift (21+ only) ... or two (anybody) this holiday season.
Deadline is Friday at midnight EST.
I reallllly need to laugh this week! Big time!
Note to SC,
If this is really totally inappropriate, go ahead and delete. I'll understand. |
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12/08/2008 01:11:10 PM · #2 |
go check the vid in this thread:
//www.dpchallenge.com/forum.php?action=read&FORUM_THREAD_ID=851386
if that doesn't make you laugh, there is no hope for ya :-)
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12/08/2008 01:11:11 PM · #3 |
Hey!
Did you hear Michael Jackson got food poisoning!?!?
Yeah, apparently he tried to eat a 3 year old wiener. |
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12/08/2008 01:17:26 PM · #4 |
Originally posted by K10DGuy:
Hey!
Did you hear Michael Jackson got food poisoning!?!?
Yeah, apparently he tried to eat a 3 year old wiener. |
Why am I not surprised this joke came from you! LOL
Matt
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12/08/2008 01:21:35 PM · #5 |
I'm dusting off my Mamiya already! Good laugh, but I want to feel ashamed for laughing... I've never bought a Nikon product in my life!
Pay no attention to the SB-25 behind the curtain. |
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12/08/2008 01:22:55 PM · #6 |
Originally posted by K10DGuy:
Hey!
Did you hear Michael Jackson got food poisoning!?!?
...
Yeah, apparently he tried to eat a 3 year old wiener. |
[Chuckle] We're on the right track... |
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12/08/2008 01:23:34 PM · #7 |
Originally posted by nickp37:
Originally posted by K10DGuy:
Hey!
Did you hear Michael Jackson got food poisoning!?!?
...
Yeah, apparently he tried to eat a 3 year old wiener. |
[Chuckle] We're on the right track... |
Only on the right track eh? Darn, that's the best I've got. |
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12/08/2008 01:24:28 PM · #8 |
Originally posted by K10DGuy:
Originally posted by nickp37:
Originally posted by K10DGuy:
Hey!
Did you hear Michael Jackson got food poisoning!?!?
...
Yeah, apparently he tried to eat a 3 year old wiener. |
[Chuckle] We're on the right track... |
Only on the right track eh? Darn, that's the best I've got. |
I didn't say it would be easy... did I? |
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12/08/2008 01:29:07 PM · #9 |
Here we go:
Why witches do not wear any underwear?
So they can get a better grip on the broomstick. |
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12/08/2008 01:30:23 PM · #10 |
Johnny was sitting in class doing maths problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "'Cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now; If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop: one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."
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12/08/2008 01:38:48 PM · #11 |
Why do women rub their eyes when they get out of bed in the morning?
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.They have no balls to scratch. |
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12/08/2008 01:41:50 PM · #12 |
Most blush worthy joke I know
Tragically a schoolbus full of catholic schoolgirls crashes killing everyone onboard.
Up in heaven they form a line at the pearly gates and St Peter asks the first girl in line
"Have you ever touched a penis?"
She replies
"Just once with the tip of my pinky."
Peter says
"wash your finger in this holy water and enter heaven."
To the next girl he asks again
"Have you ever touched a penis?"
She replies
"Once with my whole hand."
Peter says
"Wash your hand in this holy water and enter heaven."
At this time there was much disturbance in the line as a girl pushed her way to the front of the line.
St Peter askes
"Jenny what is wrong?"
Jenny replies
"If I'm going to have to gargle that holy water I want to do it before Tiffany sticks her ass in it!"
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12/08/2008 01:44:15 PM · #13 |
| And Patrick takes an early lead... |
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12/08/2008 01:54:56 PM · #14 |
what the difference between a pile of dead babies and a pile of cement blocks
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I can't load the cement blocks into the back of my truck with a pitch fork! |
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12/08/2008 01:55:24 PM · #15 |
What do you do if you come across an elephant?
Wipe it off. |
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12/08/2008 01:58:56 PM · #16 |
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
It's cute, but can it eat peanuts? |
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12/08/2008 01:59:33 PM · #17 |
Two female friends are talking about their sex lives.
One says, "does your c**t tingle after sex?"
Her friend replies, "no, he just farts, rolls over and falls asleep."
Message edited by author 2008-12-08 13:59:55. |
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12/08/2008 02:00:11 PM · #18 |
Originally posted by Kelli:
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
It's cute, but can it eat peanuts? |
LAWLS |
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12/08/2008 02:01:52 PM · #19 |
A guy walks into a doctors office with a 5 iron wrapped around his neck and 2 black eyes. "What happened to you?" asked the doctor. "Well it all started when my wife and I were golfing and by accident she hit the ball into a cow field. When we went to investigate, I saw the ball in a cow's ass. I went and lifted the tail of the cow and that's when I made my mistake." The doctor looked puzzled and asked, "What mistake was that?"
"I said 'Hey this looks like yours hun!'"
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12/08/2008 02:05:50 PM · #20 |
| After 10 years of having sex in the dark, she finds out he has been using a dildo. Explain the dildo, you ba**ard!, she screams. If you will explain the children ! he smiles. |
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12/08/2008 02:06:42 PM · #21 |
a guy walks into a bar and takes a seat, calls the bartender over and says:
"you cover this drink and i'll show you something you've never seen before. "
bartender: " i've been doing this a long time - i doubt you can show me anything i haven't seen before."
" oh yeah " - and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny grand piano.
bartender: " well that's odd, but nothing special " - as the patron reaches into his other pocket and pulls out an 8" tall man, seats him at the mini piano and instructs him to play.
so the mini piano and mini man are there at the bar cranking out classical music like the bartender has never heard before. after a few minutes the bartender says:
" well that is something special, and i can't say i've ever even heard of - never mind seen such a sight. where did you get him ? "
patron: " well i'll tell you if you cover my next drink."
bartender: " OK - where'd ya get him ?" and he serves the second drink.
patron: " you have to go to the brooklyn bridge, at midnight, when the sun the moon and the planets are all in line. then you can make a wish, and it will be granted. but, mind you, you have to speak very clearly. "
bartender: " alright, but what's with being all careful about how you speak ?"
patron: " You really think i wished for an eight inch pianist ?"
Message edited by author 2008-12-08 14:08:05.
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12/08/2008 02:06:50 PM · #22 |
| This competition is heating up!!! Keep 'em coming... |
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12/08/2008 02:15:29 PM · #23 |
| A waiter from a chinese restaurant marries his young girlfriend and is concerned that he will frighten her on their wedding night. He tells her,"I know you are nervous and inexperienced, so I will do anything you want to try with out question." She thinks a moment and tells him that her friends all talk about "69" and that she would like to try that." He looks at her in puzzlement and says "You want shrimp and fried rice?" |
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12/08/2008 02:16:07 PM · #24 |
A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!"
The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer. A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, I'll break one of your arms!"
The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird's rectum, pulls it out and licks it. He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says, "Go ahead!"
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12/08/2008 02:29:42 PM · #25 |
a sixty year old women who is obsessed with her looks goes to a plastic surgeon for a face lift.
the doctor tells here she's already had too much plastic surgery, and he can't help her. but, he says, " i have a friend that might be able to." and passes along the phone number to his friend.
as soon as she gets home she calls this doctor friend, and makes an appointment to see him.
at the appointment the doctor friend explains that he has come up with a new invention that allows women to tighten their sagging eyelids at home by themselves.
the obsessed woman immediately writes a check for this new fangled self face lift comntraption. but the doctor explains that is needs to be used carefully and in moderation. the woman knods anxiously while he explains how it works.
doctor: " mem, i'm going to install a crank on your back. then whenever you feel that your face needs a bit of tightening, you'll just have to turn the crank a quarter turn clockwise. "
woman: " sounds easy enough, lets do it ! "
so the doctor installs the face lift crank, and the woman heads home.
as soon as she gets home, she turns that crank a quarter turn clockwise and is ammazed at the difference in complextion. and sure enough the next morning she turns that crank another quarter turn.
woman: "my oh my !" she says to her best friend "this is the best invention since sliced bread."
about a week goes by and the woman calls the doctor friend back with a question.
woman: " i really appreciate all your help, and your new invention is just dandy. but i have one concern."
doctor friend: " what's that mem ?"
woman: " well ever since i came to see you i seem to be growing facial hair."
doctor friend: " i think you should come down right now so i can have a look. "
so the woman goes back to see the doctor friend, and after about ten seconds the doctor friend says "mem, um you not growing facial hair."
woman: " what do you mean ? can't you see this mustache i've got ?"
doctor friend: " well yeah, but it's not a mustache."
woman: " well what the hell is it then ?"
doctor friend: " It's your pussy ! "
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