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05/27/2007 08:23:44 PM · #151 |
Wowsermongo.
So much for a thread on marriage eh?
Since when is being a mother... no matter if you're stay-at-home or working... synonymous with marriage?
Hate to wake you up to the 21st century people, but marriage does *not* equal parenthood, and parenthood does *not* equal marriage.
There are millions of children in two parent families being abused and neglected every day. Many by their stay-at-home mothers. Oops.
There are tens of thousands, if not more, couples living in happy, childless marriages, that may not ever see children enter the equation.
There are tens of thousands, if not more, couples living happy, productive lives without ever getting married in the first place. Many of these couples have children. Many have both parents working. Many are stay-at-home moms or dads.
There are millions of stay-at-home dads. There are millions of single parents. There are millions of divorcees that maintain strong, passionate friendships with their ex-spouses. There are many that don't.
Can we please dispense with the blanket statements on all sides? It is all about making personal life choices that work for *YOU*. If you feel that you need to work hard and not let a marriage die no matter what, that is something you need to do. If you feel you need to be a stay-at-home mother, that is something you need to do. If you feel you can or need to work as a parent to provide support, or simply to keep your sanity, that is something you need to do. If you need to make *ANY* decision that brings you closer to happiness, or contentment, or whatever it is we seek from life, that is something you need to do. Whatever you choose, you will hopefully learn the lessons from it if and when mistakes are made... but remember that what works for you does not work for everyone. Society is huge and diverse. Marriage is *not* a requirement, a law, or a sentence.
Live life, but let others live as well... and use a little more caution when presenting your point of view, and perhaps we can avoid people getting put out so badly in the future because they perceive that someone is intolerant of their own choices. |
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05/27/2007 08:58:00 PM · #152 |
Originally posted by NightShy:
Originally posted by Chiqui:
So, what you are saying is that those who choose to still work once they have children are not real women? That sounds like an attack.
June |
It’s how you choose to work. My sister-in-law took a graveyard shift at a local boarding school that allowed her to send her son off to school and husband off to work in the mornings, sleep while they were gone, and be ready for family dinner and responsibilities before they even got home. She sacrificed her comfort and sleep so she didn’t have to sacrifice her family.
Originally posted by Chiqui:
As for the one income, I am sorry to break this to you but not ANYONE can live on one income. Unfortunately, rents are high and bills pile up. Sometimes, specially if you have a family, you NEED two incomes just to get by. Not everyone has a great paying job that is capable of supporting 4 or 5 people. So, would I rather live in a dump and badly just so I can stay home with my kids or go out there and work so I can give them a bit more? I'll go with the latter. Call me a bad mother if you will.
June |
Yes. ANYONE. And it doesn’t have to be a dump. I grew up with a single parent dad most of my young childhood working a laughable low paying job supporting 3 young children. We didn’t have a color TV or cable, we didn’t go out to eat, we didn’t have fancy cars, and I even got rubber cement for a Christmas present once (holy cow, was I ever happy! I loved that stuff)! Guess what? I NEVER KNEW WE WERE WITHOUT! The ONLY thing I thought I didn’t have was a MOTHER. But I’m blessed to have psudomothers like my friend’s moms and my incredible grandma that taught me integrity, love, hard work and tolerance. They are more my mothers than my real mother or stepmother. Both of who are working moms who care for things instead of relationships with their children. Now, if I knew I wasn’t whom my children saw as their mother, my heart would break forever.
Originally posted by Wildcard:
Ahhhh NightShy... I hope real life doesn't hit you too hard. |
“REAL” life is no respecter of age, gender, race or favorite color. Who are you to be the referee of what adversity is or who is fit for it? Shame on you!
Originally posted by UrfaTheGreat:
I know a woman who works as a cleaner.. She has kids at various growing stages.. Her husband is a handy man.. he gets payed on commission .. She gets up at 5 in the morning and goes to different places to clean up other people's dirt.. most of what her husband earns he consumes in alcohol.. but she is determined to keep her marriage [She also doesn't believe in divorce].. She has raised her kids as well as she can.. She barely sees her kids because one of her kids needs to have an ear operation .. Is she a good mother?
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I know personally I never want to be in that position so I’m preparing now. I know I’ll never marry any man who goes near alcohol or has other addictive or abusive tendencies. I am careful NOW with my money and live within my income even if that means I can’t have some luxuries. I think far too often young couples think because their in love and want to get married, that it’s always the best time to do it. I firmly believe a strong and supported financial, trusting and loving foundation in the beginning is the only way to start.
Originally posted by OdysseyF22:
Originally posted by Chiqui:
So, what you are saying is that those who choose to still work once they have children are not real women? That sounds like an attack.
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Once more, we are missing the specifics and reacting to a general blanket statement, which was in fact, never issued.  NightShy was quite clear that she applauded working women, and that her comments were addressed to those who neglected their family in favor of work, and as a result their children are raised by daycare, come home alone, etc.
I won't argue the income statement with you, as that certainly depends on the situation of individuals. I am certain there are some families where both parents have to work. And in that group, I'm sure there are still parents who manage to do so without neglecting their families, which is definetly a good thing :-) The impression I got from the whole thing was the drawing of a line between those who are content to have a family and a comfortable living, and those who sacrafice their family in their lust for aquiring more money/stuff/etc.
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You hit it right on. See, this is why our world would be awful with one sex and why we need a balance of men and women. He understood exactly!
Ladies, stop victimizing yourselves so darn much for heaven’s sake and actually listen to what I’m writing. What exactly about it is immoral or bad for the welfare of mankind? Am I advocating hate or violence? Why are so many passions inflamed because I am starting young to make a way in my life to be a mother and wife instead of the sadly popular trend of Mommy Boss? Why is it wrong to make the decision now that my future husband and I will never add to the far too high divorce rate, or that my children will never go to daycare? Yes! Life isn’t all peach cheeks and daisies! I can’t think of anything more devastating that losing a husband or child and I pray I’ll never have to taste such sorrow, but if I do, I know God is doing it for my good. Life is what you make of it. You can either become hard and bitter and bring down the world with negativity, or you can see your hard times as opportunities to better the world with your experience. |
You can make any decisions now and plan all you want but keep in mind that one day you may just have to swallow everything you have said here. Life has a way of getting complicated and to make matters worse, man plans and god laughs.
I think you have to understand that a working mother does not mean a neglectful mother and that a child in daycare does not a neglected child make. I am sorry that you had such bad experiences with your mother and your stepmother but that is just not the case with the majority of working mothers.
I am the child of divorced parents and my brother and I grew up with my mom who had to work to provide for us. We never went to bed hungry nor did we ever feel neglected in any way or cast aside by my mother. There are plenty of mothers out there who do not work and yet do neglect their children. It has nothing to do with whether you work or not and everything to do with the sort of person you are.
You come across as having a holier than thou attitude and that is what is making some of us upset. I truly hope, for your sake, that everything you have decided for yourself really does happen, down to a T. I hope your future husband is perfect and has a good income so that you can stay at home taking care of your perfect children who will never have to endure the horrors of a daycare center. I hope your marriage is forever and that you never come face to face with the evilness of divorce. But most of all, I wish you never fall off that pedestal because it's a long way down.
June
Message edited by author 2007-05-27 21:03:17.
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05/27/2007 09:55:04 PM · #153 |
PLEASE CONTINUE OFF-TOPIC POSTS / DEBATES HERE. Thank you.
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06/21/2007 01:20:04 AM · #154 |
Dredging up this month-dead thread to announce that I proposed yesterday...and she said yes! I couldn't be more thrilled! Unfortunately, my awesome job has me away from home for the next month or so... so there were only a couple days of celebrating before I had to leave for work :-(.
Someones gotta find the gold to make the rings though, right? :-P And whats a few weeks out of a lifetime? |
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06/21/2007 01:21:22 AM · #155 |
Originally posted by option:
Dredging up this month-dead thread to announce that I proposed yesterday...and she said yes! I couldn't be more thrilled! Unfortunately, my awesome job has me away from home for the next month or so... so there were only a couple days of celebrating before I had to leave for work :-(.
Someones gotta find the gold to make the rings though, right? :-P And whats a few weeks out of a lifetime? |
w00t! Congratulations! :)
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06/21/2007 01:24:13 AM · #156 |
Congratulations...I wish you many years of happiness and may all your problems be little ones...!!
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06/21/2007 01:25:49 AM · #157 |
Originally posted by option:
Dredging up this month-dead thread to announce that I proposed yesterday...and she said yes! I couldn't be more thrilled! Unfortunately, my awesome job has me away from home for the next month or so... so there were only a couple days of celebrating before I had to leave for work :-(.
Someones gotta find the gold to make the rings though, right? :-P And whats a few weeks out of a lifetime? |
Congratulations !! I recon something like this could have used its own thread thou :) |
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06/21/2007 01:28:22 AM · #158 |
Originally posted by Shadowi6:
Originally posted by option:
Dredging up this month-dead thread to announce that I proposed yesterday...and she said yes! I couldn't be more thrilled! Unfortunately, my awesome job has me away from home for the next month or so... so there were only a couple days of celebrating before I had to leave for work :-(.
Someones gotta find the gold to make the rings though, right? :-P And whats a few weeks out of a lifetime? |
Congratulations !! I recon something like this could have used its own thread thou :) |
hmm. i like that idea... (new thread)
Message edited by author 2007-06-21 01:31:40. |
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