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DPChallenge Forums >> General Discussion >> Leaving your child ... =(
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03/07/2007 12:12:00 PM · #1
My wife and I are going on a vacation without our daughter! ... She's nearly 2 and she's never been without one of us for more than one day. WE (especially my wife) are very nervous, anxious, and dreading the moment we leave her for 4 full days (My mom is watching her at our house).

I'm looking for some tips and / or emotional support here. Anyone have a similar experience they remember?

PS: I guess this is more for calming my wife because I've been away from the baby for over a week before and we're still fine ;P

Message edited by author 2007-03-07 12:16:32.
03/07/2007 12:15:42 PM · #2
If you read to her, tape yourselves reading and your Mom can play it to her while you are away.
03/07/2007 12:18:30 PM · #3
Emphasize the positive.
Just remind her that getting away for a few days to reenergize and relax will make her a better mother when she returns.
03/07/2007 12:21:20 PM · #4
Well, you can take comfort that she'll be with your mom (She raised you so probably knows what she's doing) :) and that your daughter will be staying in your home. The less change the better in these situations. You're doing all the right things, including getting some alone time for yourselves.

The tape idea is a good one as well as having photos around that grandma can show her (stick one of her in your bags too) :)

It's hard the first time, but necessary. It will get easier for all of you as time goes by.

Call her often when you get to missing her. :)
03/07/2007 12:29:03 PM · #5

On that comment I seriously have to question your judgement ;P ... seriously =* ... It's been 31 years since I was 2 ... what a strange thing to say ;) ... I think this is the crux really for me ... it's that she isn't like we are .. she has that laissez faire gramma attitude that will reverse everything we've instilled into Ada's brain (sorry - paranoid daddy talking ;))) ....
thanks for the advice!

Originally posted by jenesis:

Well, you can take comfort that she'll be with your mom (She raised you so probably knows what she's doing) :)

03/07/2007 12:34:50 PM · #6
Originally posted by metatate:

she has that laissez faire gramma attitude that will reverse everything we've instilled into Ada's brain
Originally posted by jenesis:

Well, you can take comfort that she'll be with your mom (She raised you so probably knows what she's doing) :)


Isn't that what grandmas are for though?? :) Also, one of the downsides of going away. You'll always have to re-train 'em when you get home, should only take a few days though. :-P

Try to have a good time. :)
03/07/2007 12:35:19 PM · #7
The child will never forgive you...

:-)

Just kidding, you both work hard and deserve the break, trust me, if you dont have some `couple time` at some point (not just the odd evening in front of the TV) then it can be bad news later on. just make sure Gran spoils her rotten!
03/07/2007 12:38:08 PM · #8
Having a grand parent take care of you child is key (as long as your wife gets along with your mom).

Your wife will be so relaxed after day 2, and she'll really enjoy herself.

The first time my wife was away from our first child was for 2 days. We had my parent's cottage to ourselves. My wife said she would try one night and see how it went. By noon next day, she was reading a magazine in the sun and I asked her if we should go get our son. Her reply :"pfffft, yeah right".
03/07/2007 12:39:56 PM · #9
We went nearly 2.5 years of no break from our daughters, We went on a vacation and let my wifes parents look after the kids. Was a sad goodbye but shortly afterwards a week of peace was consumed We had no stress and no worries for the entire week. Have not had a vacation without the kids since and it has been about 3 years. So I envy you... Trust me. If you are leaving your kids in good hands then have no worries and enjoy yourself.
03/07/2007 12:59:49 PM · #10
I don't really have helpful words. lol my husband and I havent been away from both of the kids for more than an hour or two in the last six years and not at all in the last two years. We've both been away for a few days at a time seperately though but that's much easier obviously. Good luck. I'm sure it will all go well. If my daughter wasn't diabetic I'd pawn the kids off on my mom every chance I could. :D
03/07/2007 01:23:54 PM · #11
HAVE A GOOD TIME !!! ;)
we left our daughters (3&5) with my inlaws for 9days (two years ago)
it took my wife 2 days to calm .. (she was still trying to call every 2nd day)

in the end the girls had a great time (but my inlaws were very worn out ;)
03/07/2007 01:52:27 PM · #12
Relax. Enjoy yourselves. Take the opportunity to be husband and wife for a while again instead of Mommy and Daddy.

Your daughter will be fine. It's healthy for her to learn that when you do leave, you will return.
03/07/2007 02:02:39 PM · #13
My bro and his wife get me to come stay with their kids when they go on vacations. They'd call in and talk to me to make sure things were OK. Generally the boys didn't even want to talk to them when they called, either. They were fine with it. And Crystal, my one nephew is diabetic, too - it CAN be done. :-) (Caveat - they won't go away and leave them with either Grandma, though!)
03/07/2007 02:06:17 PM · #14
Woah... I couldn't leave my two year old for 4 days.

I have had to go away overnight with work a couple of times and I hated it - I missed him sooo much! 4 days would kill me!
03/07/2007 02:12:52 PM · #15
I was in an accident just before my daughter turned two. It was horrible. I couldn't hold her or carry her because of some bone breakage. My mother-in-law took her for a week and I was a nervous wreck.

She came back home spoiled and happy and just glad to be with mommy! She still goes to grandma's for a week and enjoys every minute.
03/07/2007 02:18:40 PM · #16
Great advice so far. Only thing I can add is make sure to bring back LOTS of souveniers (toys) for her. Seems materialistic for sure, but would be a positive reinforcement for her that your getaway wasn't a bad thing, and would set the tone for the next time you go away. Have fun!
03/07/2007 02:31:11 PM · #17
My ex-husband and I have joint custody of our two kids. Part of the agreement is that each of us gets TWO WEEKS of vacation with them every year. That means, two weeks each year without them too. We take them on trips all the time - he took them to Cincinatti last year, I took them to Disney. We go away all the time.

The first time is really hard. Around the second day it starts to ache like a heart-attack. Your only going away for a few days, so by the time you start getting stir crazy for her, you will be back again. If you go away longer, my best advice is everytime you think "I wish she could see this." write it down and take a pic. I have no choice but to be away from my two (and my two step kids) sometimes for weeks at a time, but keeping memoirs to share with them always helps a lot. When they go away with thier dad, I usually travel too - and bring them back a travel log. They are older now (11 and 7) but really appreciate knowing I was thinking of them every minute I was gone. They keep a log for me of photos and drawings, and I keep one for them. And I bring back lots of swag. :)

03/07/2007 03:00:26 PM · #18
There is lots of sage advice here. It's hard, but if you think about it, it is just really a win-win-win situation. You guys get some quality couple time together (which you really do need now and then). Your daughter get's some one on one time with grandma, which IMO, is very healthy to the child's growth and development. And grandma get's some time with her grand-daughter, which I'm sure delights her on many levels.

Grandma's have been spoiling, er, I mean taking care of kids since the stone-age. Have fun and enjoy yourselves. :-)
03/07/2007 03:08:43 PM · #19
I havent seen my daughter in over a year, she lives in Japan with grandad and grandma..... long story, all I wanna do is wish you both a great holiday and return safe to hold your child in your arms again to let the love flow. the break (small one) is very healthy for the whole family.

Have a great time
03/07/2007 03:15:40 PM · #20
The first time away from our kids is really hard, you have a lot of mixed feelings. I know, we left our little girl with grandma for 4 days when she was 2.

I tried to remind myself that when I was a kid, I loved to stay a few days with my grandma, she was very tolerant of my, well, you know, infancy... Also, you will see a "100,000-watt" smile when you return! Departing and returning is an integral part of life, and we must keep in mind that there will always be some kind of trade-off in this kind of situation.

In the meantime, enjoy yourselves. As taterbug put it, grandma's are historically very well prepared to take good care of kids. :-)
03/07/2007 03:51:54 PM · #21
Thanks everyone for the kind thoughts and suggestions -- The more I think about it the more I think she'll be fine (heck, she spends 8 hours or so at a babysitter every day so this might even be more fun for her) ...

MAK, that makes me sad about your daughter -- I know how it can be from a child perspective ... I bounced around a bunch when I was young and went very long periods without seeing one dad or another. It must be tough as a Dad.

Originally posted by MAK:

I havent seen my daughter in over a year, she lives in Japan with grandad and grandma.....
03/07/2007 03:59:31 PM · #22
When you leave, even if you would like to phone your child, don't. The call may assure you that she is fine, but it will remind her that she misses you, and make it harder on her. Call grandma of course, get updates, but after a day or two your daughter will get used to your not being there for the rituals of bedtime ect. if you remind her that you are missing it will make it harder on her and the grandparents.
03/07/2007 04:26:53 PM · #23
Originally posted by metatate:

(heck, she spends 8 hours or so at a babysitter every day so this might even be more fun for her) ...



She'll have no problems then..
03/07/2007 05:26:44 PM · #24
Originally posted by metatate:

WE (especially my wife) are very nervous, anxious, and dreading the moment we leave her...I'm looking for some tips and / or emotional support here.

One word: Alcohol. But don't give it all to your daughter, take some with you as well. ;-)

Good luck, have fun, everything will be just fine.
03/07/2007 05:29:44 PM · #25
We went through the same thing when our daughter was that age. We took off for a couple cruises when she was very young, and we let grandma and grandpa take over.

I can remember going through the same thing, and my wife was feeling the same way. But, sure enough, once we got on the big fancy ship, we just had a blast. At the end of the week we definitely looked forward to seeing her again, but you may find that it's not nearly as traumatic as you think :)
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