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DPChallenge Forums >> General Discussion >> Boss problems....can I have some opinions?
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08/03/2006 02:41:40 PM · #1
Ok...so this has nothing to do with photography but about my day job. (the one that feeds my photography habit!) For the past year, he and I have been at odds. Here's the story....

I started to work here almost 3 years ago, he and I became friends and I started hanging out with he and his wife and their friends. I made some really good friends. A few months after my Dad died (he passed away in May of 2005), my boss started treating me like crap, not talking to me, professionally and personally, in my face about things, and saying derogatory comments about me in front of customers. I have cried so hard over all this and I couldn't understand why. Well, come to find out that his wife got jealous. Now, I'm going to state very boldly that I HAVE NEVER HIT ON MY BOSS AND HAVE HAD NO INCLINATION TO. He and his wife was a friend and really helped me through the sudden death of my father. Their friends really liked me and 1 of their friends asked me to a concert and not his wife and that is where the problem started I think. I didn't coax their friends to my side or anything like that. I'm a nice person and a fun person but apparently she thought that her husband (my boss) and I were too good of friends. He never crossed the line with me and I didn't cross the line with him. Never even thought of doing that. But now, its hell and war around here because she told him to stop being nice to me.

So here's what happened today, he calls myself and our warehouse guy in the office and tells us that he's quitting because he didn't like the fact that he got caught taking too much vacation time and watching porn and playing poker on the company computer. I have been doing his job and mine for the last year since they cut his pay last year. Like I said, its been hell. He has come in drunk, called me when he's high, left the office to go play golf ALOT and I have been doing his job and mine but he still gets the paycheck that his does which is 3 times mine and commission.

He and I had a huge fight this morning with him telling me that he doesn't trust me and I came back and yelled that I have busted my ass to make this office work and if he got caught with the porn and poker and the vacation time, that was his fault, not mine. The head office has asked me if he was in the office and I'd say no. They searched his computer and found so much porn. Now I'm not against porn but not at the office!! Especially since our sales have been down and he's not even trying to sell. BTW, we are a hardwood flooring manufacturer.

So, here's my question, since I kind of turned him in, no I did turn him in because I'm sick and tired of his bull, do you think I have caused him to quit? Should I feel bad? Because honestly, I don't feel bad and I'm not going to cover for him any longer. I need to protect my own position. I feel relieved that he's leaving. Its so hard to work for someone that you had a good working relationship then because 1 person says don't be nice to them, they stop and everything goes to hell. I'm a good worker and work 50 hours a week here and believe in customer service. So, tell me what you think.

Thanks

g
08/03/2006 02:45:58 PM · #2
Sounds like to me he made his bed now he has to lye in it ...

I say forget it and Keep on Keeping on!

Erick
08/03/2006 02:47:46 PM · #3
Regardless of what personal animosity was between you two... even if you liked a person a whole lot... if they did something wrong at the job like that, I think they should be diciplined. So I don't think you have anything to feel bad for as far as that. If he did stuff he should be prepared to live with the concequences, and if he decides he wants to quit that is his decision.
08/03/2006 02:48:31 PM · #4
You did the right thing.

[delete a bunch of stuff - google fear]

Good job.

Message edited by author 2006-08-03 17:12:24.
08/03/2006 02:50:52 PM · #5
In the company I work for, if someone does something wrong and I see it and don't say anything.....I am just as guilty as the person who did it and I can also lose my job. As far as I can see, you did nothing wrong and being the person you are, if you feel bad....nobody will be able to change that...but you did nothing wrong. If he had any idea you said what you said to his boss, I'll lay 2 to 1 he would have found a way to get rid of you first.
Rule #1 in ANY place of employment is CYA (cover your a**).
The jealousy thing is his wife's problem, not yours. You know you didnt do anything wrong and so does he.

Step #2..Apply for his job ;)
08/03/2006 02:51:05 PM · #6
It sounds like he is to blame, not you and I don't think it has anything to do with your being friends in the past. Seriously, if someone, particularly a boss, is not doing their job, they need to be gotten rid of. Forget him and don't struggle with this AT ALL.
08/03/2006 02:52:05 PM · #7
uhm... at most places, having porn at work is grounds for automatic termination, because if any employee sees it and finds it offensive, that is one HUGE sexual harrassment lawsuit the company has to pay for

also, yelling at you in front of customers?? horrible and NOT ok

You should have gone to his superiors at the first sign of him doing any of this kind of stuff. You wouldn't want to get mixed up with any of it.

He put your job and your wellbeing at risk, and that is NOT ok, especially for a person in his position with his authority

no, You did the right thing... don't cover for him, it's not worth it, At all
08/03/2006 02:52:37 PM · #8
Originally posted by MrEd:

In the company I work for, if someone does something wrong and I see it and don't say anything.....I am just as guilty as the person who did it and I can also lose my job. As far as I can see, you did nothing wrong and being the person you are, if you feel bad....nobody will be able to change that...but you did nothing wrong. If he had any idea you said what you said to his boss, I'll lay 2 to 1 he would have found a way to get rid of you first.
Rule #1 in ANY place of employment is CYA (cover your a**).
The jealousy thing is his wife's problem, not yours. You know you didnt do anything wrong and so does he.

Step #2..Apply for his job ;)


LOL....I am applying for his job!!! Right now, our customers come to me first and not him anyway!
08/03/2006 02:52:58 PM · #9
You ARE NOT to blame. He's a grown up and got himself into this position. You should not be expected to lie to others about whether he's in the office or not.

Your past friendship, although nice, is over for whatever reason. Although it was once a healthy realationship, it's not that way anymore. Be relieved that it's almost over.
08/03/2006 02:54:06 PM · #10
Originally posted by amandalore:

uhm... at most places, having porn at work is grounds for automatic termination, because if any employee sees it and finds it offensive, that is one HUGE sexual harrassment lawsuit the company has to pay for


I totally agree with that but he was given a form to sign and refused to sign it. I would have fired him on the spot.
08/03/2006 02:54:47 PM · #11
Like it or not, CYA is the keyword in today's workplace. Being found guilty by association just because you knew and didn't say anything isn't worth the cost to you. Especially due to the way he's been acting, I wouldn't feel bad at all if I were you, and I WOULD be angling for his job. If you've already been doing it, demonstrate that to the powers that be.
08/03/2006 02:56:08 PM · #12
Originally posted by _eug:

You ARE NOT to blame. He's a grown up and got himself into this position. You should not be expected to lie to others about whether he's in the office or not.


He blames me for everything right now. He take NO responsibility for any of his actions and he feels everyone else is to blame but him.
08/03/2006 02:59:40 PM · #13
Originally posted by gayle43103:

Originally posted by _eug:

You ARE NOT to blame. He's a grown up and got himself into this position. You should not be expected to lie to others about whether he's in the office or not.


He blames me for everything right now. He take NO responsibility for any of his actions and he feels everyone else is to blame but him.

Denial - it ain't just a river in Egypt.

Call me a harda**, but that sounds like a personal problem - for him. Who cares what he thinks? The facts speak for themselves.
08/03/2006 03:01:59 PM · #14
Originally posted by OdysseyF22:

Like it or not, CYA is the keyword in today's workplace. Being found guilty by association just because you knew and didn't say anything isn't worth the cost to you. Especially due to the way he's been acting, I wouldn't feel bad at all if I were you, and I WOULD be angling for his job. If you've already been doing it, demonstrate that to the powers that be.


CYA, cover your ass, its really ashame that things have come to that. Employers look at you as dispensable and disposable. I have proven my worth because I landed a $12,000 sale that could possibly lead to a very nice long term account with a certain builder. And I told the owner of the company that yesterday and I was very proud of myself.

08/03/2006 03:03:19 PM · #15
Originally posted by OdysseyF22:

Originally posted by gayle43103:

Originally posted by _eug:

You ARE NOT to blame. He's a grown up and got himself into this position. You should not be expected to lie to others about whether he's in the office or not.


He blames me for everything right now. He take NO responsibility for any of his actions and he feels everyone else is to blame but him.

Denial - it ain't just a river in Egypt.

Call me a harda**, but that sounds like a personal problem - for him. Who cares what he thinks? The facts speak for themselves.


you're not a hardass but being honest and it is a personal problem for him and as of right now I could give a sh*t less what he thinks. I'm just glad he will be gone.
08/03/2006 03:03:40 PM · #16
Originally posted by gayle43103:

Originally posted by MrEd:

Step #2..Apply for his job ;)


LOL....I am applying for his job!!! Right now, our customers come to me first and not him anyway!

See? You're over it already. Should you get the job...and I hope like hell you do....be ready to hear from him that you got him fired so you can take his job. HE downloaded the porn, HE was playing poker, HE was leavng early, HE took to many vacations, HE...well, you get the picture. Seems that he might be the type of person that refuses to accept responsibility for his actions.

Good luck getting the job and keep us posted.
08/03/2006 03:03:45 PM · #17
Originally posted by gayle43103:

I have proven my worth because I landed a $12,000 sale that could possibly lead to a very nice long term account with a certain builder. And I told the owner of the company that yesterday and I was very proud of myself.


That is so awesome!!! Keep focusing on the good things like this. That is what is truly important - as others have said, you can just have your ex boss worry about himself, and you don't have to keep dealing with that.
08/03/2006 03:04:16 PM · #18
be careful posting job related questions online....never doubt the power of google. just be sure you want all of this to be public.

that said, good for you.
08/03/2006 03:05:00 PM · #19
Originally posted by gayle43103:

Originally posted by _eug:

You ARE NOT to blame. He's a grown up and got himself into this position. You should not be expected to lie to others about whether he's in the office or not.

He blames me for everything right now. He take NO responsibility for any of his actions and he feels everyone else is to blame but him.

And his marriage is probably a shambles and he probably blames her... His life is a mess and it's his RESPONSIBILITY that it is what it is. You're too busy living your life to be responsible for his too.

Cut your losses. Send him a brochure for the Landmark Forum or something...
08/03/2006 03:06:34 PM · #20
Originally posted by gayle43103:

Originally posted by _eug:

You ARE NOT to blame. He's a grown up and got himself into this position. You should not be expected to lie to others about whether he's in the office or not.


He blames me for everything right now. He take NO responsibility for any of his actions and he feels everyone else is to blame but him.


First of all he is to blame for everything,secondly don't make the same mistakes he did. I don't mean the porn and poker I mean begin friends with your employees. This is a terrible mistake in almost every form of business. If you want to be a true leader haveing friends below you can seriuosly hurt that.

I don't mean to be mean or rude to your employees. You should have a good rapport with them but hanging out after work is a mistake. I would definantly say to apply for his job. if you were doing both before then now you will be that much better concentrating on just one job. BTW if you are good at sales I could use some extra help down here in GA. I will pay you well:)
08/03/2006 03:06:51 PM · #21
His ethics are in serious question. It sure sounds like he's in denial about his behavior. Sooner or later he will have to come to terms with it. He does not deserve your friendship, he has not earned it.
Where your common circle of friends is concerned, it's going to cause major friction. Don't bet he won't paint a picture that puts you in a negative light. Take the high road, and don't spread stories yourself, but if anyone asks, be honest about why he's no longer working there.
08/03/2006 03:11:22 PM · #22
You did the right thing. You should go to his superior and tell them that you are being harassed.

Although your friendships were innocent (on your part), the results illustrate the dangers of fraternizing with superiors. The scenario you experienced is very common. It's easy to understand how a wife could get jealous over such a thing, especially being married to such a scoundrel! Not that I condone any of their behavior; just that you might keep the lesson in mind next time around.

Good luck, and I hope you get the job!
08/03/2006 03:12:10 PM · #23
Originally posted by Elvis_L:

First of all he is to blame for everything,secondly don't make the same mistakes he did. I don't mean the porn and poker I mean begin friends with your employees. This is a terrible mistake in almost every form of business. If you want to be a true leader haveing friends below you can seriuosly hurt that.

I don't mean to be mean or rude to your employees. You should have a good rapport with them but hanging out after work is a mistake.


I've been waiting to see how long it would take for someone to make this point. What we are seeing here is the almost inevitable end-result of too close a friendship between boss and employee. It's ALWAYS a bad idea.

R.
08/03/2006 03:16:06 PM · #24
Your profile comes up on page one on a Google of your name. So just be sure you have no problems about your boss and employers possibly reading this thread.
08/03/2006 03:16:29 PM · #25
Originally posted by Bear_Music:

Originally posted by Elvis_L:

First of all he is to blame for everything,secondly don't make the same mistakes he did. I don't mean the porn and poker I mean begin friends with your employees. This is a terrible mistake in almost every form of business. If you want to be a true leader haveing friends below you can seriuosly hurt that.

I don't mean to be mean or rude to your employees. You should have a good rapport with them but hanging out after work is a mistake.


I've been waiting to see how long it would take for someone to make this point. What we are seeing here is the almost inevitable end-result of too close a friendship between boss and employee. It's ALWAYS a bad idea.

R.


Sometimes it is hard but is always the best thing. I have no peers for hours in any direction so it makes it hard but I have had to fire several people that have similar personalitys as me. I know if I didn't follow my own advice that the choice to let them go (or not let them go) would have hurt my business a lot in the long run.
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