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DPChallenge Forums >> General Discussion >> Never fart in an empty elevator.
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07/13/2006 01:53:15 PM · #1
Because you never know who might be getting on next.
07/13/2006 01:57:02 PM · #2
Yeah that happened to me once... Ate a chili burger and then got on the elevator, let one rip and the next person who stepped in and then immediately stepped right out was a scantily clad lady known to the universe as Pamela Anderson. This was of course all the way back in 1993 and man was I bummed... :S

I was wearing my liederhosen and all, there was no way she was going to resist me had there not been for the "accident" :P
07/13/2006 01:57:44 PM · #3
You're supposed to exit the elevator but stand there like your doing something and just as the doors close...let 'er rip.

Not that I've done this or anything ;)

A better tip would be never fart while bending down to tie your shoes or pick something up.

07/13/2006 02:14:57 PM · #4
I walked into an elevator once. noticed the guy already on there was turning red. At first I thought he had motion sickness from the elevator, So I went about my business pressed #14 but as soon as the doors closed I realised that he must have just crapped his pants because the smell was eye watering. I quickly made up an excuse and said woops wrong floor I need 4 not 14 a second later the doors opened and I got off the elevator. I told the middle aged couple waiting to get on the elevator that he did it and walked away. not sure if they stayed on the elevator or not. Not sure why I remember this so well either.


07/13/2006 02:15:25 PM · #5
Originally posted by Larus:

Yeah that happened to me once... Ate a chili burger and then got on the elevator, let one rip and the next person who stepped in and then immediately stepped right out was a scantily clad lady known to the universe as Pamela Anderson. This was of course all the way back in 1993 and man was I bummed... :S

I was wearing my liederhosen and all, there was no way she was going to resist me had there not been for the "accident" :P


lol. You seem to run into a lot of famous/hot women. Do you need someone to carry around your lighting equipment or such? :P
07/13/2006 02:17:14 PM · #6
Same goes for farting at your desk when no one is around. It's like a magnet!
07/13/2006 02:19:20 PM · #7
Originally posted by LoudDog:

Same goes for farting at your desk when no one is around. It's like a magnet!


everyone farts. that's a fact. even girls! and you are so right...

;-)
07/13/2006 02:24:57 PM · #8
another thing that is kind of bad. I took my two daughters to McDonalds one day. We were sitting about 6 tables away from the nearest person. I let a quiet one go. No way you could hear it anywhere else in the resturant. So no one knew I did it. Till my youngest daughter 3 years old at the time at the top of her lungs asked me why I farted and didnt say excuse me. Everyone in the resturant heard that. That time I was the guy turning red.
07/13/2006 02:25:29 PM · #9
Originally posted by biteme:

Originally posted by LoudDog:

Same goes for farting at your desk when no one is around. It's like a magnet!


everyone farts. that's a fact. even girls! and you are so right...

;-)


I disagree with this; it's a well-known fact that little girls don't fart. Why? Because they don't have a**holes until they get married...

(runs for shelter)

R.
07/13/2006 02:27:08 PM · #10
Rewind to circa 1982.

My best buddy & I had been out on the town in Manhattan, had a knarly lunch of chili, chips & beer, wandered about the town taking pictures and eventually went up to the Empire state Building. After seeing what was to be seen and taking lots of pictures - you know, that stuff called film, we proceeded to the elevator to head back down and were the last two in.

Well one "fell out", silently of course, and should have carried with it an environmental Biohazard warning, and was perhaps the absolute worst smell that has ever left my body, even to this day. By now, my face was in a terrific pain from holding back an outburst of laughter, my body tense with muscle spasms holding back the involuntary movements associated with laughter. sounds could be heard behind us of people shuffling, though it was a packed elevator, occasional coughs were heard, making holding back the laughter even worse.

Nearing the end of the 100+ story ride down, an elderly woman, in a shrill voice, said: "Is something burning?".
About that time the elevator came to a slow stop, the doors opened, and the two of us burst out of the elevator, exploding in laughter and never looked back as we made a mad dash as far away from the coughing passengers, never to look back and see what damage was caused to them, as we were sure the pain would have been evident on their faces.

Yes, this is a true story.
My friend and I have kept in touch of the years, and all it takes is to say "Is something burning?" and neither of us can talk for a few moments.... I can still hear her voice 20+ years later.

Message edited by author 2006-07-13 14:34:30.
07/13/2006 02:27:59 PM · #11
It's also good not to vomit in a elevator.
07/13/2006 02:29:08 PM · #12
Originally posted by Megatherian:

It's also good not to vomit in a elevator.

That all depends - if you are about to be robbed, it's a great deterrant...
07/13/2006 02:30:49 PM · #13
This is somewhat true. My wife didnt start doing anything gross til I married her. Then all the truth came out. lol I will also run and hide now.

Originally posted by Bear_Music:

Originally posted by biteme:

Originally posted by LoudDog:

Same goes for farting at your desk when no one is around. It's like a magnet!


everyone farts. that's a fact. even girls! and you are so right...

;-)


I disagree with this; it's a well-known fact that little girls don't fart. Why? Because they don't have a**holes until they get married...

(runs for shelter)

R.

07/13/2006 02:31:43 PM · #14
Originally posted by Bear_Music:

Originally posted by biteme:

Originally posted by LoudDog:

Same goes for farting at your desk when no one is around. It's like a magnet!


everyone farts. that's a fact. even girls! and you are so right...

;-)


I disagree with this; it's a well-known fact that little girls don't fart. Why? Because they don't have a**holes until they get married...

(runs for shelter)

R.


Raymee just finished picking himself off of the floor, and still has tummy pains and tears in his yes from all the laughing this one generated...

Too funny Robert... oh yeah... he is hiding behind Karma folks... hehehehe.

Ray
07/13/2006 02:34:47 PM · #15
Originally posted by Bear_Music:

Originally posted by biteme:

Originally posted by LoudDog:

Same goes for farting at your desk when no one is around. It's like a magnet!


everyone farts. that's a fact. even girls! and you are so right...

;-)


I disagree with this; it's a well-known fact that little girls don't fart. Why? Because they don't have a**holes until they get married...

(runs for shelter)

R.


MY husband isn't an a******. :p

Message edited by author 2006-07-13 14:36:29.
07/13/2006 02:36:49 PM · #16
The trick is to let one rip just before you exit, especially good when there is only one other occupent ......
I had someone do that to me, they left laving an awful smell, then a elderly couple joined a few floors later...

The looks I got would have frozen hell over.......
07/13/2006 02:37:26 PM · #17
MYhusband isn't an a**hole. :p [/quote]

Yeah ::looks around in a paranoid fashion:: MY husband isn't either (wink, wink) well as long as he's a member of this site also, he isn't an a**hole. (I love you sweetie!::bats the eyelashes::)


Message edited by author 2006-07-13 14:38:20.
07/13/2006 02:40:22 PM · #18
Made a weekend trip to Spokane a few years back. Went out for a few beer with my brother in law the night before we left. The next morning as I was taking our luggage down to the car, one "accidentally" slipped out. It was a true blue champion beer fart of the highest degree. As I walked towards the door to the underground parking, two middle aged women came through the door and headed to the elevator. The last thing I heard as I watched the elevator doors close was a loud "Oh my God". I'm sure they survived and thankfully I never ran into them again. It still puts a smile on my face when I think about it.
07/13/2006 02:40:55 PM · #19
Originally posted by Bear_Music:

Originally posted by biteme:

Originally posted by LoudDog:

Same goes for farting at your desk when no one is around. It's like a magnet!


everyone farts. that's a fact. even girls! and you are so right...

;-)


I disagree with this; it's a well-known fact that little girls don't fart. Why? Because they don't have a**holes until they get married...

(runs for shelter)

R.


LOL! Then I'd probably not tell you I'm married for 2 years...

:P
07/13/2006 02:46:30 PM · #20
Originally posted by tooter:

Made a weekend trip to Spokane a few years back. Went out for a few beer with my brother in law the night before we left. The next morning as I was taking our luggage down to the car, one "accidentally" slipped out. It was a true blue champion beer fart of the highest degree. As I walked towards the door to the underground parking, two middle aged women came through the door and headed to the elevator. The last thing I heard as I watched the elevator doors close was a loud "Oh my God". I'm sure they survived and thankfully I never ran into them again. It still puts a smile on my face when I think about it.


Oh my god.....I just about died when I realized your screen name!!
07/13/2006 02:47:46 PM · #21
Me too!
07/13/2006 02:48:03 PM · #22
As long as we're sharing... When I was in the Navy, I had an friend on the ship that had THE most toxic farts I had ever experienced before or since. We would be standing outside on the deck during a refueling detail or something, the ship cruising at 15 knots and he would let a silent one go in the crowd and even thought the wind was blowing by, his noxious, almost visible cloud would linger. Soon everyone starts yelling and pointing the finger at each other and he would move away laughing hysterically. He made a game of it. To this day, I am convinced he, and he alone is responsible for the deterioration of the ozone layer and global warming.
07/13/2006 02:48:28 PM · #23
Originally posted by KarenNfld:

Originally posted by tooter:

Made a weekend trip to Spokane a few years back. Went out for a few beer with my brother in law the night before we left. The next morning as I was taking our luggage down to the car, one "accidentally" slipped out. It was a true blue champion beer fart of the highest degree. As I walked towards the door to the underground parking, two middle aged women came through the door and headed to the elevator. The last thing I heard as I watched the elevator doors close was a loud "Oh my God". I'm sure they survived and thankfully I never ran into them again. It still puts a smile on my face when I think about it.


Oh my god.....I just about died when I realized your screen name!!


ROFL! thanks for pointing that out,. I hadnt even looked. CLASSIC!
07/13/2006 02:48:45 PM · #24
The screen name is no mistake.
07/13/2006 02:57:01 PM · #25
I suggest that if you happen to break wind in an elevator, just hit all the fire and emergency buttons/ by the time the fire department gets there, you just say; I passed out from natural gas.

on a side note; there is no more exhilarating feeling than when the door opens and no one is standing there. You slip away and leave your "olfactory graffiti" behind. You got away with something.

THis sounds like a bud light commercial. real men of genious.

"Mr. alone in the elevator farter"

You go ahead and break that wind with abandon, Going up, you bet only to the stinky penthouse...
(oh I think the inspection certificate is expired-)- {the high backgrounfd voice}

But seriously; why do they have buttons that will stop the elevator, sound the alarm and call all manner of personell to the elevator, but the fan is must times under lock and key?
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