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DPChallenge Forums >> Tips, Tricks, and Q&A >> Monitoring another computer in your house question
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06/02/2005 02:27:19 AM · #1
Ok first let me say I all for privacy but my son has his own computer in his room and his habits have changed lately. Nothing bad but constantly chatting on the computer in blogs, I think he has his own blog, chatting with older people, multiple email addresses, etc. What got me to wondering if he is hiding something is when I walk in his room he minimizes every IM, Chat, and WebPages. I try to discreetly look over his shoulder but you know teens they are aware. I was wondering if there is a way to view, in real time, his screen from my computer. I know at one place I worked I could go to view terminals and view each cash register [computer] as the employee was ringing up items. I kind of would like to know if something like that is possible with home networking. Again I don’t want to invade his privacy but at the same time I want to be a responsible parent. Here is the hardware I have if that makes a difference.
1. Cable Internet in to cable modem
2. From cable modem to D-Link – DI604 router
3. From router – port 1 to my computer – port 2 to his XBOX, - port 3 to his computer – port 4 is Open.
4. Both computers running Windows XP Home service pack 2
5. I have not set up a network
6. When I connected the router I did not have to do any setup except contact the cable company and give them the new Mac address.
7. There is a set up in windows XP for networking and the software that came with the router has a network setup but I have not been able to understand how it works or if they will do what I’m looking for.

Any help would be appreciated.
Thanks

06/02/2005 02:45:18 AM · #2
That's easy! Put the computer in the family room!
06/02/2005 02:47:12 AM · #3
You could install VNC on this computer, but I bet your teen knows more about it than you do :D

06/02/2005 02:50:24 AM · #4
Originally posted by TooCool:

That's easy! Put the computer in the family room!


Not that easy. My computer is in the family room leaving no room for another computer.
06/02/2005 03:04:00 AM · #5
If you install VNC or RAdmin or any such program... make sure you turn off any interaction, so that its read only. Otherwise, it'll be pretty obvious what is going on if you are suddenly controlling his computer ;)
06/02/2005 03:10:14 AM · #6
You could talk to him about it
06/02/2005 03:11:47 AM · #7
I'm not a parent, so this is just my personal opinion, but I really think this is morally wrong. If the trust issues are this bad, they need addressing before you snoop on him.
06/02/2005 03:21:00 AM · #8
Originally posted by Zoomdak:

You could talk to him about it


Have done that but he says he is just talking to friends. I have informed him of the dangers of the Internet. I am not trying to control him in any way but just want to know that he is playing it safe. Yes I trust him but I don't trust the Internet which can pull someone in like a black hole.
06/02/2005 03:27:24 AM · #9
Originally posted by BobsterLobster:

I'm not a parent, so this is just my personal opinion, but I really think this is morally wrong. If the trust issues are this bad, they need addressing before you snoop on him.


How is that Bob? I don't want to know what he is doing, his every move, just want to protect him from the Internet. You have to be a parent to understand parental instincts. Read my above post. Morally wrong would be to, as a parent, after talking to him he still hides what he is doing on the Internet stepping away an saying well let thing be... A parent has the right to know what his or her child is involved in. Like I stated above, I trust him but have little trust in the Internet.
06/02/2005 03:30:48 AM · #10
You could also enable your router to track sites (history) and you should be able to see from the router point of view where he's going and what he's looking at without him knowing. Everything else is spyware and can easily be detected.
06/02/2005 03:33:03 AM · #11
Originally posted by SDW65:

Originally posted by BobsterLobster:

I'm not a parent, so this is just my personal opinion, but I really think this is morally wrong. If the trust issues are this bad, they need addressing before you snoop on him.


How is that Bob? I don't want to know what he is doing, his every move, just want to protect him from the Internet. You have to be a parent to understand parental instincts. Read my above post. Morally wrong would be to, as a parent, after talking to him he still hides what he is doing on the Internet stepping away an saying well let thing be... A parent has the right to know what his or her child is involved in. Like I stated above, I trust him but have little trust in the Internet.


I see both points of view here and am in a similar situation (3 of my 4 kids are teenagers), all logs are stored on a server and I have VNC installed. The kids know about the situation, I think that it's important that you do this openly or the situation will get much worse.
06/02/2005 03:36:43 AM · #12
Originally posted by notonline:

You could also enable your router to track sites (history) and you should be able to see from the router point of view where he's going and what he's looking at without him knowing. Everything else is spyware and can easily be detected.


That is a good option. I will have to read up on my router manual.
I hope people are not taking this the wrong way. Everyone deserves there privacy but at the same time a parent has the obligation of protecting the children. When I talked to him if he would of said dad this is where I go and this is what I view and do. That would of been the end of it. I don't want to know what he and his friends talk about, thats not my business and if he has a problem I trust him to come to me. But when he hides everything he is doing, clearing history, and will not talk about it then I feel I, as a parent, has the right to see what he is doing so I will know what to talk to him about, if he is doing thing that can be dangerous. Hope that makes since.
06/02/2005 03:40:16 AM · #13
Originally posted by colda:

Originally posted by SDW65:

Originally posted by BobsterLobster:

I'm not a parent, so this is just my personal opinion, but I really think this is morally wrong. If the trust issues are this bad, they need addressing before you snoop on him.


How is that Bob? I don't want to know what he is doing, his every move, just want to protect him from the Internet. You have to be a parent to understand parental instincts. Read my above post. Morally wrong would be to, as a parent, after talking to him he still hides what he is doing on the Internet stepping away an saying well let thing be... A parent has the right to know what his or her child is involved in. Like I stated above, I trust him but have little trust in the Internet.


I see both points of view here and am in a similar situation (3 of my 4 kids are teenagers), all logs are stored on a server and I have VNC installed. The kids know about the situation, I think that it's important that you do this openly or the situation will get much worse.


By all means YES! I'm sorry I did not state that in my original post. I told my son that if he was not open with me and I feel he could be endangering himself over the Internet then I as a parent would install something to monitor his activity and/or put time limits on how long he can stay on-line. If I load any software to view his activities he will be shown before I even look at anything.
06/02/2005 03:55:20 AM · #14
Then yes, if your looking at where he's going and not really what he's saying in the chats just set up the history cache in the router and it will track where all ports go. Just because you clear the history doesn't mean you can't find out where he's going. Look at the cookies, temp. internet files and the cache. All those will tell you if your router doesn't. the router is the quickest way. I have a lynksys and is very easy to set up for tracking.
06/02/2005 04:05:45 AM · #15
Okay, I see no problem with this as long as he is aware of the situation.
06/02/2005 04:09:52 AM · #16
Thanks for the understanding and help everyone.

06/02/2005 04:36:37 AM · #17
Scott -

First of all you can pretty much ignore any advice from anyone who is not a parent. No offense, but until you've been on this side, you have no clue, I know people will give me crap for saying that, but that has been my experience without exception.

I've raised 3 kids (22, 20, 19), have one almost 13 and one "in the oven" - dang near 3 generations by the time I'm done - and I have pretty much been through it all. Anyone who says it is wrong to spy on your kids on the phone or on the computer are probably the people luring them into bad situations - ok well maybe not, but they're on crack. All my kids had their own computer and I use RAdmin (greatest thing on earth - used it for 8 years) which allows me to view their screen undetected and/or control their PC.

I actually don't consider any this spying since I tell them and remind them that I have this capability, I also have logs, etc. Of course you would not believe how quickly they forget. And I would only check up on them if I get the feeling something's going on. I can tell you I have prevented some major issues because of this! None of them has ever griped about me having the ability to eavesdrop because I always tell them it is a condition of their use of the PC, phone, etc. (Yes, phone also!).

I have learned though, when to react to something and when to ride it out and talk to the kids without letting on that I know something - this is what makes this great! They think you have some kind of magical parental instincts or something! Hehehe. I should emphasize the importance (as others have pointed out) of talking with them and more importantly, listening to them.

Anyway - Kids are too important and the world is too dangerous not to closely monitor. Don't be fooled by "but my kid is different - they are very trustworhty" - it doesn't matter - there are predators and all kinds of garbage that destroys kids innocence and their spirit if you are not careful.

Ok - I've said enough. Feel free to PM or email me if you want to hear any more about it.
06/02/2005 04:49:56 AM · #18
I am a parent of 3.

I have to agree with kpriest about the "if your not a parent" thing.

I too was going to mention RAdmin.

But one more thing. I go a step further. I have administration capabilities on the kids computers. They can't just download crap without a password.

I also don't let them have television, computers or the xbox in the privacy of their rooms. Music is ok.

Teenagers are a weird breed of cat, and to encourage them to be even more disjointed from the family enviroment by letting them retreat to their bedroom to me is just asking for trouble in the long run.

Just another of many opinions I have.
06/02/2005 06:12:58 AM · #19
A lot of you are going to give your kids a complex.

Seriously. You worried about your kid not talking to you -- that's good. But, you don't need to be finding out what they are not talking to you about, that is probably something quite trivial. I'll give you the benefit of doubt that if you thought it was anything but trivial they would not have a computer in their room anymore. You need to find out why they won't talk to you -- the what is immaterial. And don't give me that hog-wash about trusting them; that you just want to check to make sure. It is simply not possible for a sane individual to trust someone that is not willing to communicate with them.

Sure you have the right to enforce greater and greater restrictions if they don't cave in to your will -- and they have the right to resent it and find greater and greater ways to hide what they are doing. It's a cold war on a family scale, a fight for dominance over their individuality.

Privacy is very important for any age but especially for teenagers. it is only when they are alone that they can hear their own thoughts -- and only then can they make the decisions that will shape who they are to become. Give them no privacy and the only choice they have is to become who ever the group they are in wants them to be -- in a family environment that may not be so bad, but it's not a good habit to saddle someone with when they enter the world at large. Peer pressure is a mighty powerful thing to those without the practice at deciding things for themselves. Sure they will make mistakes, but some have to be made -- noone has ever learned to do anything without making mistakes. Living a life is the same as any other activity in this regard.

Sorry if this came off a bit hard, and is certainly not intended to be taken as a personal attack -- but it's a subject that is too important to be sugar-coated out of existence. The main thrust of what I was trying to say is simply to not concentrate so much on what the child is doing, that will only sidetrack you efforts. Concentrate instead of who the child is (and not, perhaps, who you fear they are becoming) and the rest will work itself out in the end.

David

BTW: It doesn't take a parent to know what a teenager is like, that will just give you another outside viewpoint -- it takes someone who has been a teenager to see things from the same viewpoint. ;)

Message edited by author 2005-06-02 06:29:46.
06/02/2005 06:20:35 AM · #20
I can't say I've used it for this purpose, but VNC will do what you want, and I've heard of someone using it for that purpose. Oh, and it's free (donation encouraged).

If you want to protect them without spying on them, try something like CyberPatrol, which can prevent sensitive data being sent across the net, amongst other things.

(Disclaimer: I work for CyberPatrol's parent company.)
06/02/2005 06:33:19 AM · #21
I totally agree with Kpriest and Swinging Johnson. I too am a parent. My child does have a computer in her room, but no internet access. She has asked and we have said no way. Internet only in common rooms where everyone can see. Do we trust her? OMG yes. Do we trust pedophiles and other perverts to not try to seek her out on the kids only chatrooms or blogs or websites? HELL NO!!! That is what they do. I am so sure that so many parents of kids who said I trust my kid and they would never become tempted by some stranger on the internet, are really grieving the loss of those kids every day because they were not hyper-vigilant and their kids were seduced away by a stranger they met on the internet. My kids are not teenagers but I will snoop if I have to. I want to grow old with my kids and my eventual grandkids. I watch the news and there are too many sad stories about kids and the internet for me to stick my head in the sand and say "this could not happen to my child, she is too smart to fall for this." Again, this is what they do. They are trying to discover who they are and if someone wants to help them, friend or not, then will sometimes let them.

BTW, I had rather my child have a complex and grow old, than to not get the chance to grow old.

I will step down from my soapbox now.

Teresa
06/02/2005 06:41:48 AM · #22
First off, I commend you for taking an interest in your child's well being. I have 3 children of my own. I know what you're feeling.

I know you said you don't have room in the family room, but it might be worth rearranging some furniture to make room. I have my own computer, my wife has hers, and my children have one as well. They are all in the family room. We sort of turned it into our computer room. Everyone can see what everyone else is doing on their computer. We know exactly when our children are on the computer and exactly what they are doing. We can also monitor how long they've been on. My children don't mind the setup and they know they can't hide what they are doing.

You have good reason to be concerned about what your child is doing on the internet. Like you said, it can be a black hole that just sucks you in. Be diligent in your fight to protect your children . . . that's what loving parents are supposed to do.

Thoughts and prayers are with you. Good luck with your situation.
06/02/2005 07:18:39 AM · #23
Originally posted by SDW65:

Originally posted by TooCool:

That's easy! Put the computer in the family room!


Not that easy. My computer is in the family room leaving no room for another computer.


Rearrange the family room and bring your kids PC into the family room. Make it clear that you want to be able to spend a little more time with your child and you are also concerned about the Internet.

Honestly, that's the best way to handle this situation. This will end up doing one of two things.

Either, bring your kid out into the midst of the family more, in order to talk to his friends.

Or... Your child will use the Internet less.

Regardless of what you do. Your kid will absolutely hate you for it.

This could go on for a few days, weeks, months or forever, especially if you install some trust-busting software onto his PC. That trust-busting software might destroy the foundation of your relationship with your child, which might be very difficult to impossible to repair.

It's a very long story, but I was on the end having the truth kept from me. They believed it was for my own good and perhaps at some point they were right. Anyway, that close link between myself and them had been severed when everything was revealed and even 16 years later, it still hasn't gone back the way it once was. It's simply to easy to slip into doubting what they tell me.
06/02/2005 07:19:30 AM · #24
Ok you can tray this soft it's really good soft
Spector 2.0 Keystroke Recorder
06/02/2005 07:27:55 AM · #25
Be careful with apps like VNC. When you terminal in, it substantially slows down the computer he is on. He may realize this when he pulls up Task Manager and sees heavy VNC usage. Back when I worked at Call Centers, it was easy to tell we were being monitored using this method.

Also, when you use VNC, you have the ability to move the mouse for him. If done accidentally, it'll tip him off.

Needless to say, either scenario will impact any trust that currently exists.
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