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DPChallenge Forums >> General Discussion >> a "let's cheer up Bear-Music" thread
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Showing posts 101 - 125 of 210, (reverse)
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06/03/2014 11:30:27 PM · #101
Happy surgery and recovery, Mr. Bear!! I'm all outta jokes, but I can heartily recommend damnyouautocorrect for a laugh or two. :-)
06/03/2014 11:37:11 PM · #102
Wishing you the best! I'm expecting you'll be back soon..robust and ready! Please ask Penny to keep us updated!
06/03/2014 11:49:54 PM · #103
I will certainly let you all know how things go. His doctor and anesthesiologist anticipate him needing to remain intubated and in the ICU after surgery for a day or so. I'll drop a note to this thread when the doctor has told me how the surgery went.
06/04/2014 12:11:59 AM · #104
Originally posted by Bear_Music:

Originally posted by GeneralE:

Do I have to write out the whole "Genie in a bottle ... " one or does everyone know it?

Go for it! I'm waiting...

I hit "Post" three times before rollover, but my stupid slow browser and/or the site wouldn't respond ... anyway ...
==================
A man strolling on a Southern California beach one early morning found an old bottle washed up and half-buried in the sand. Curious, he opened it up, and out popped a genie.

"Thank you Master -- for freeing me from the bottle you are granted one wish."

"I thought it was three wishes," said the man.

"A thousand years of inflation has wreaked havoc on the wish market -- it's down to one now, so consider carefully."

The man thought for a few moments, and said "OK -- I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm terrified to fly, and I get seasick in a bathtub ... build me a bridge to Hawaii."

"Are you kidding," replied the genie, "the Pacific is thosands of feet deep. It would take all the concrete in the world just for the pilings, and then there's the gas stations, restaurants ... no I'm afraid that's impossible -- pick something else."

The man thought for another few moments, "OK then, I've always wondered ... tell me, what do women really want?"

"Will that be two lanes or four?"
06/04/2014 12:36:34 AM · #105
Originally posted by GeneralE:

Originally posted by Bear_Music:

Originally posted by GeneralE:

Do I have to write out the whole "Genie in a bottle ... " one or does everyone know it?

Go for it! I'm waiting...

I hit "Post" three times before rollover, but my stupid slow browser and/or the site wouldn't respond ... anyway ...
==================
A man strolling on a Southern California beach one early morning found an old bottle washed up and half-buried in the sand. Curious, he opened it up, and out popped a genie.

"Thank you Master -- for freeing me from the bottle you are granted one wish."

"I thought it was three wishes," said the man.

"A thousand years of inflation has wreaked havoc on the wish market -- it's down to one now, so consider carefully."

The man thought for a few moments, and said "OK -- I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm terrified to fly, and I get seasick in a bathtub ... build me a bridge to Hawaii."

"Are you kidding," replied the genie, "the Pacific is thosands of feet deep. It would take all the concrete in the world just for the pilings, and then there's the gas stations, restaurants ... no I'm afraid that's impossible -- pick something else."

The man thought for another few moments, "OK then, I've always wondered ... tell me, what do women really want?"

"Will that be two lanes or four?"

OH, yeah! THat's in my top 2 favorites of all time list, along with the pig with the wooden leg :-)
06/04/2014 12:38:50 AM · #106
Originally posted by AmiYuy:

BRAINS

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," she said as she surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.

A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question. The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the entire group said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."


Message edited by author 2014-06-04 00:39:04.
06/04/2014 12:48:11 AM · #107
My uncle sent me ... (ten years ago) ...

... the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The Other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did????
06/04/2014 04:08:20 AM · #108
The local fast food chain have added a new item to the menu called the "Buddhist Burger" .......it's one with everything;)
06/04/2014 07:57:05 AM · #109
It's Wednesday morning Robert. I am sending you every good wish!
06/04/2014 08:11:30 AM · #110
It IS Wednesday, isn't it? Dang! I guess I'm signing off. Y'all behave, hear? Thanks for all the good wishes.
06/04/2014 08:36:55 AM · #111
Well, this may either be the last one you read before you go in (if you didn't actually sign off yet) or the first one after the fact, so here goes:

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work.
One night as they were driving to yet another dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
"I have an idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times, I'll bet I could give it for you."
Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!"
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about antimatter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's fool.
Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me."

06/04/2014 11:54:28 AM · #112
I'll be thinking about you and penny throughout the day!!

We love you!!
06/04/2014 12:22:23 PM · #113
Saying little prayers, I know you will be fine.

Wake up joke (this is much better while your still about 1/2 stoned)

A piece of string walks into a bar sits down and orders a whiskey. The bartender looks at him and says HEY didn't you see the sign WE DON'T SERVE STRING IN HERE. Now get out.
The string walks outside bends over and mess's and ties up the top of his head. Then walks back into the bar sits down and orders a whiskey.
The bartender takes one look and says Hey aren't you that string I just kicked out of here? The string looks up at him and says:
Nope I'm a frayed knot.......

This might be better if Penny Reads it to you.....

Message edited by author 2014-06-04 12:23:40.
06/04/2014 12:42:37 PM · #114
Originally posted by littlemav:

Nope I'm a frayed knot.......

LOL - I laughed. ...but I took your advice and was half stoned before I read it. ;-)

Sending thoughts & prayers for ya, Bear!

Message edited by author 2014-06-04 12:42:45.
06/04/2014 06:35:32 PM · #115
How you doing, Penny?
06/04/2014 07:11:01 PM · #116
Any update yet? Hoping all is well.
06/04/2014 07:13:43 PM · #117
Robert's surgeon just came to tell me how it went. Everything to do with the kidney went fine and if it is cancer it's a very low grade. The CO2 they use to create "space" for doing the surgery is having an effect and it's being hard to clear from his system (no long term effects from that though) and they will keep him intubated. He is on his way to the ICU shortly and I can probably go and see him in 30 minutes, although he will be very sedated. They will probably wait until tomorrow morning to start cutting back on the oxygen to his lungs and seeing how he does. This is made harder since they rely on him "hearing" them and being able to say how he is feeling. His stay may be a day or so longer than expected, but in reality it's much too early to say.

Bottom line. Surgery went fine and everything else is manageble, even if uncomfortable and/or painful for a few days.

06/04/2014 07:24:23 PM · #118
Thanks for the update, Penny. Best to you and Robt. Get some rest if you can!
06/04/2014 07:24:30 PM · #119
Thanks so much for the update!! Glad that the results are good! Too bad about the discomfort, but better safe than sorry. Give him our best, please!
06/04/2014 07:31:36 PM · #120
Glad to hear there were no problems with the surgery. We'll keep you two in our thoughts and prayers.
06/04/2014 07:39:07 PM · #121
Woot! Great to hear our Bear is out of the woods!
06/04/2014 07:50:26 PM · #122
Pleasing news, hope the recovery is quick. You're a wonderful person Penny, please give my warmest regards to Robert.
06/04/2014 07:55:23 PM · #123
TY Penny!
06/04/2014 08:00:37 PM · #124
That's a good Bear. Thanks for taking care of him!
06/04/2014 08:01:15 PM · #125
That is the best news Penny. The worst part is over, let the recovery begin!
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