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DPChallenge Forums >> General Discussion >> a "let's cheer up Bear-Music" thread
Showing posts 1 - 25 of 210, descending (reverse)
06/15/2014 09:44:01 PM · #1
I forgot about this one ...
The Emperor of Japan was determined to find the best samurai in the land, to add to his his personal bodyguard corp. Court officials scoured the land, and finally the field was narrowed down to three competitors, who were brought to the palace for a final test before the Emperor himself.

In the large hall lined with courtiers, three small jars were placed before the throne, and the first swordsman brought forward. Upon a hand signal, the first jar was uncapped and a mosquito flew out. Without hesitation the samurai whipped his sword through the air and the mosquito fell to the floor, neatly sliced in half.

Nodding in approval, the Emperor motioned for the second swordsman to be brought forward and the test repeated. This time there were two flashing arcs of steel, and the poor insect was not only halved, but quartered.

"A most impressive feat," said the Emperor, "undoubtedly impossible to surpass, but fairness dictates that the third man at least be afforded his opportunity to demonstrate his skill to the nation."

With that, the last samurai came forward, seemingly unperturbed by the hopelessness of his task. As the final jar was uncapped, there was just the barest impression of motion as his kitana appeared to flash through the air and was returned to its scabbard so quickly that some onlookers found it hard to tell if he had drawn the weapon at all. With its distinctive, annoying whine fading quickly the bug flew out a window as the crowd sighed as one.

"I'm sorry," said the Emperor, but your mosquito still lives."

"That is true," replied the confident fellow, with barely a hint of a smile, "but he will no longer reproduce."

Message edited by author 2014-06-15 21:46:34.
06/11/2014 11:49:26 AM · #2
Hey, Bear! Glad to see you're up and about, if groggy. Nice to see you've been kept in stitches while I was gone...
06/11/2014 04:46:59 AM · #3
* I secretly replaced Bear's oxygen with nitrous oxide. This should be fun. *
06/11/2014 04:02:04 AM · #4
And at 4 AM on the farm, I see I actually DID do some commenting on "my" challenge earlier. See? Brain rot, I tell ya...
06/10/2014 11:14:55 PM · #5
Originally posted by Bear_Music:

Tonight IO got set up with some home oxygen, so I hopefully can start waking up refreshed and upbeat...

Love ya all, R

Oh, lordie, when he gets his oxygen levels back up,
Penny'll never keep him down on the farm.
06/10/2014 11:10:41 PM · #6
Stay strong dear Bear. Hope you feel better with each passing day.
06/10/2014 11:07:52 PM · #7
Couple genuine old clunkers there :-)

I've voted on all The "Get Well" entries, but totally lack the energy to comment in any manner other than superficially right now, So NO comments from me at this point, basically. I do hop[e that will change, because I greatly appreciate all the effort, all the good wishes, all the good cheer. It's meant a lot to me. Tonight IO got set up with some home oxygen, so I hopefully can start waking up refreshed and upbeat...

Love ya all, R
06/10/2014 12:15:09 PM · #8
Two older gentlemen are playing golf on their regular Sunday outing, when one of them notices a funeral procession on the nearby highway. He takes off his cap and stands silently until the entire procession drives by.

His golf buddy is very impressed. "Wow, I never realized you had so much respect for the dead."

To which he replies, "Well, we were married for 40 years. It's the least I can do."
06/10/2014 11:15:08 AM · #9
Hope your back in the stream with the fish soon Bear.....

I saw this recently (changing to a US context)....
A driver is stuck in a traffic snarl in DC... Suddenly a man knocks on the car window. Driver rolls down his window and asks "What in the world is going on?". The man says "Terrorists have taken the president and leader of the opposition hostage. They are demanding $2 Millions dollars otherwise they will douse them with gas and set them alight.... We are going car to car taking up a collection". Driver asks "How much are people giving on average?". Man responds - "Most people are giving 2 gallons".
06/09/2014 11:27:20 AM · #10
I'm glad to hear you're off to a strong start --- well begun is half done. The skies do clear, and the sun does shine forth. Best to you.
06/09/2014 11:23:13 AM · #11
Nice to hear you're getting better Robert, keep it up!
06/09/2014 11:15:52 AM · #12
Juat to let everyone know, I'm healing up very decently but I'm significantly under the weather nevertheless. I will be giving out the caps as promised, as soon as Cory gets them to me anyway :-) But I can't concentrate much here.

Hugs all around, R
06/08/2014 09:41:38 PM · #13
Thanks for the updates Penny and so glad that he is at home and that his recovery has begun.
I hope that Ken can redecorate your bedroom on the Cape... good medicine!
06/08/2014 01:57:41 PM · #14
GOLF JOKES.. OH I know One, the worlds best....... Sit back this'll take a bit:

Saturday Fred and George had agreed to meet and T off at 9am. Fred all a twitterlated with expectations of a Grand day of golf, left the house. When he got to the car he realized he had locked the car and house keys inside. After several mins of trying to jimmy the door open, he gave up and broke the window, crawled in tearing his best golf pants but got the keys. Started up his car and driving about a mile suddenly the car sputtered and choked out of gas, grumbling, he headed off at a brisk trot to the nearest gas station knowing he was already running late. Finally lugging gas back he got enough in to drive to the station and fill up. Tearing out of the station he hit the highway, where his left rear tire blew out. Sweat and dirt dripping he replaced the tire and raced off to the course where he finally met George 45 mins late.

That night his wife said "Well how was your golf day honey?"

He looked up at her sighed and said "Locked the keys in the house, broke a window tore my pants, ran out of gas, had a blow out on the highway, when I finally got to the course, I Teed up and George died of a heart attack. And... that's the way the whole day went, hit the ball...drag George... hit the ball... drag George."
06/08/2014 12:00:54 PM · #15
Originally posted by insteps:

Robert, more golf humor. Get well soon.

A supposedly true story ...

A reporter once asked professional golfer Lee Trevino what was the best precaution to take if caught out on the golf course during a thunderstorm.

Trevino said that he'd find an open spot and hold a 1-iron high over his head.

Incredulous at what seemed such a crazy approach to the situation, the reporter asked why he'd do such a dangerous thing, to which Trevino replied "Not even God can hit a 1-iron."
06/08/2014 10:06:04 AM · #16
... I thought that Robert might like to know that I made friends with a young employee at work this week.

Feeling a tad frustrated with his lackadaisical attitude I asked him: "Does your butt get chaffed from you grabbing your A$$ all day?"

He must think a lot of me since everyone I spoke to since said that he mentioned me when talking to them. :O)

Have a great day my friend, and a speedy recovery.

06/08/2014 09:35:01 AM · #17
Robert, more golf humor. Get well soon.

A lady calls the police and says "I've killed my husband you better come over" then gives them her address. The police arrive and she's sitting in a chair hold a golf club with her dead husband lying face down on the floor. The police examine the body and exclaim "How many times did you hit him?" The wife calmly says "I don't know... maybe 5, 6, 7. Just put me down for a 5."

06/08/2014 08:40:07 AM · #18
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06/08/2014 08:01:00 AM · #19
Penny, thanks for the updates. I've been so busy at work this weekend I haven't had much computer time, but was checking in from time to time to see how he was doing.
Happy to hear he is home with you. Take good care of our bear friend, make sure he rests and takes his meds, but also make sure you take good care of yourself. You are both so very dear in my heart. Hugs to you both.
06/07/2014 11:47:38 PM · #20
The foursome watched as the player in front of them extracted a brand new golf ball from the package, teed it up, and promptly sliced it out-of-bounds into the woods on the right.

Calmly, he took out another new ball, addressed it confidently, and hooked it into the water hazard on the left.

As he prepared to open another package and hit yet a third shot, one of the waiting golfers approached and remarked, "You know, I can't help but noticing your game is a bit erratic, and those new balls are rather expensive. Maybe you should try hitting some old balls."

"Can't," replied the duffer sadly, "never had any."
06/07/2014 11:13:56 PM · #21
Penny, you are Bear's lucky Penny for sure.
I too, am pleased to hear all is going so well in your household.
And that the bear has not lost his touch on the keyboard either, what with all those recent posts.

Lots of {{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}to both of you.
06/07/2014 10:53:03 PM · #22
Originally posted by SaraR:

Penny, thank you so much for your updates. I am so relieved that things are looking so positive.


06/07/2014 03:23:13 PM · #23
There's no place like home. It's great that things are going smoothly so far. Thank you for the update.
06/07/2014 11:13:41 AM · #24
Penny, thank you so much for your updates. I am so relieved that things are looking so positive.
06/07/2014 11:03:28 AM · #25
Good to hear that Robert stabilized after that scare. Sending sunshine thoughts sent out to you both. Continue getting rest and take it little by little Bear. Penny, I hope you too are getting a restful night's sleep without worries keeping you awake. Thanks for the update.
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