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07/02/2010 07:24:03 AM · #1 |
This had me in tears I was laughing so much.
//www.27bslash6.com/missy.html
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07/02/2010 07:48:29 AM · #2 |
| I have to say that just made my freaking Friday! good thing I was the only one at work when I read it, i was laughing so hard! |
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07/02/2010 08:07:03 AM · #3 |
hahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!
I love it!
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07/02/2010 08:55:22 AM · #4 |
THAT'S NOT FUNNY THAT'S MEAN!!!!!!!!!
okay, maybe a little funny......
All right, ALL RIGHT!!!
It's f*ckin' hysterical!!!!......8>)
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07/02/2010 08:55:47 AM · #5 |
| Bwahahahahaha! Poor cat. So, did Missy ever make it home? I guess I will just have to wait for the sequel to find out. |
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07/02/2010 09:31:25 AM · #6 |
| this is absolutely hilarious!!!! |
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07/02/2010 09:44:29 AM · #7 |
that was too funny ...
thanks for sharing!
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07/02/2010 09:47:26 AM · #8 |
| I have to say I have laughed and laughed and laughed....went to the restroom and giggling in the restroom....at work nonetheless! |
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07/02/2010 09:48:53 AM · #9 |
OK, so far I've read that one and 3 more from links on the left side bar. This guy is my new hero.
"Simon's Pie Chart" is classic. |
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07/02/2010 10:28:20 AM · #10 |
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07/02/2010 10:48:01 AM · #11 |
| That was so Hysterical I had to read a bunch more articles! Great humor and satire from David Thorne! Thanks for posting the link. :-D |
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07/02/2010 10:58:37 AM · #12 |
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07/02/2010 11:24:00 AM · #13 |
| We have two cats... This was one of the funniest things I've read in a while. |
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07/02/2010 12:28:40 PM · #14 |
When the cat is finally found, it will probably need some medication ...
INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position
right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure
to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into
mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat
process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left
hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold
mouth shut for a count of 10.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of closet. Call spouse in from garden
to help.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws.
Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat’s head firmly with one
hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s
throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new
ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set
to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from
below spouse’s armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat’s mouth open
with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste
away. Apply band-aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold
water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close
door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick
pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to
cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and
fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor
who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie cat’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining
table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat’s mouth open with
small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Hold
head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor
stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.
Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for the vet to make a housecall. |
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07/02/2010 12:37:08 PM · #15 |
Why d'ya suppose "Permission Slip" reminds me of  scalvert?
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07/02/2010 12:40:16 PM · #16 |
| Loved this one...thanks for starting off my weekend this way! |
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07/02/2010 12:55:00 PM · #17 |
| darn, I was hoping this was a challenge suggestion. |
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07/02/2010 01:00:32 PM · #18 |
Originally posted by ambaker:
We have two cats... This was one of the funniest things I've read in a while. |
I wish I could read.
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07/02/2010 03:38:41 PM · #19 |
Here is another exchange from the same designer guy that is just as funny as "Missing Missy"
//acidcow.com/pics/5743-please-design-a-logo-for-me-with-pie-charts-11.html |
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07/02/2010 04:35:44 PM · #20 |
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07/02/2010 04:44:45 PM · #21 |
Originally posted by colyla:
I have to say I have laughed and laughed and laughed....went to the restroom and giggling in the restroom....at work nonetheless! |
yep.
can't rest even in rest room. There is no God.
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07/02/2010 04:50:50 PM · #22 |
I like this one
computer room
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07/02/2010 05:44:48 PM · #23 |
Originally posted by GeneralE:
When the cat is finally found, it will probably need some medication ...
INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL... |
Oh my goodness..... the poster had me smiling and quietly chuckling from time to time.
The pill instructions, on the other hand, had me in stitches! I am still wiping the tears off my face and catching my breath back!
Thanks, General, that was great! |
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07/02/2010 08:31:35 PM · #24 |
Originally posted by Beetle:
Originally posted by GeneralE:
When the cat is finally found, it will probably need some medication ...
INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL... |
Oh my goodness..... the poster had me smiling and quietly chuckling from time to time.
The pill instructions, on the other hand, had me in stitches! I am still wiping the tears off my face and catching my breath back!
Thanks, General, that was great! |
Oh....then you'll like this one, too!
How To Give A Cat A Bath
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge of the toilet, as his paws - and claws - will be reaching out for any object they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "powerwash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside, and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside, where he will proceed to dry himself.
Sincerely,
The Family Dog
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07/02/2010 08:44:45 PM · #25 |
I love both sets of instructions, and the poster, and oh s**t just remembered that both Druli and Lily are due for their monthly dose of Program. That is a flea-control product that essentially turns flea eggs into cement.
However...it is an oral medication. And it is liquidy. And though Druli has had Program for years and will take it well without fuss, teeny little Lily turns into a head-slinging squirmy fidgety piteously crying demon. One of the very very few times I am glad she's declawed! (No I didn't have her declawed, the person who produced her did).
So now I better find my heaviest leather gloves, cause she definitely has teeth and won't hesitate to use them. Then my industrial-strength goggles to protect eyes from flying medication. And better put on clothes already ruined from previous attempts and housepainting.
Wish me luck. It's now 8:45 EST...call 911 if I don't log back on by 9:30...
ETA: Now 9:39 pm. Survived the ordeal, including Lily giving me baleful looks.
Message edited by author 2010-07-02 21:39:09. |
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