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04/26/2010 01:11:04 AM · #1
Crazy question but here goes...

I am shooting a wedding for a friend of a friend. I will be doing the wedding and the formals afterwards but not the reception. My wife and I have been invited to the reception. So the question I have is: Am I expected to bring a gift? Just to qualify this question, I am also doing the wedding at a highly reduced rate.

04/26/2010 01:13:46 AM · #2
Would you have been invited to the wedding if your wern't the photographer?

If yes then yes, and if no then no......
04/26/2010 02:06:25 AM · #3
We are getting married in Jamaica this November. I have asked my Bro in Law to be, to be the photog....

The deal was....He shows up, does the pictures, doesn't charge us....no gift necessary.....

He can use the photos in his portfolio with no issues from us....

I thought that was fair. Really though, it's my fiance's brother. He should have offered anyways, but, meh, such is life. I negotiate for a living anyways! ;)

Message edited by author 2010-04-26 02:17:04.
04/26/2010 03:24:32 AM · #4
Yes, even though you are an invited guest, you need to separate the 2 occupations. Guest and Employee. Even though you are giving them a HUGH discount, as an invited guest you still need to bring a gift. My best suggestion would be to combine them in some way. Make a book of the picts, give a photo album, picture frame etc. Give the gift of a large picture as a bonus, etc.

Maybe you could talk to the bride and groom, separately and arrange to take a special location shot while you are there and then gift that to them. Just a few ideas. Or maybe what who you take pictures of is the family that are important to them and then include a sentiment from them for the new bride and groom. Then each person and their sentiment could be placed in a simple scrapbook together as a remembrance of their special day with the well wishes of their loved ones.

Just a few thoughts. Hop it helps.

Ellen
04/26/2010 03:27:00 AM · #5
Originally posted by cowtownmom:

Yes, even though you are an invited guest, you need to separate the 2 occupations. Guest and Employee. Even though you are giving them a HUGH discount, as an invited guest you still need to bring a gift. My best suggestion would be to combine them in some way. Make a book of the picts, give a photo album, picture frame etc. Give the gift of a large picture as a bonus, etc.

Maybe you could talk to the bride and groom, separately and arrange to take a special location shot while you are there and then gift that to them. Just a few ideas. Or maybe what who you take pictures of is the family that are important to them and then include a sentiment from them for the new bride and groom. Then each person and their sentiment could be placed in a simple scrapbook together as a remembrance of their special day with the well wishes of their loved ones.

Just a few thoughts. Hop it helps.

Ellen


can you phone my "brother in law to be" and tell him that?

He is wondering why he has to do it for free in the first place! SHEESH
04/26/2010 03:41:12 AM · #6
Originally posted by glockguy:

...He should have offered anyways, but, meh, such is life.


Forgive me, but that's a bit arrogant. Why should her brother have to miss out on the joy of his own sister's wedding? Surely you realize the huge amount of work involved? There are a LOT of wedding photographers who refuse to shoot their own family's weddings. If you're working, you aren't free to actually enjoy the day. Most families feel exactly like you, then get mad when the photographer doesn't want to do everything free (including the album, wall prints, canvases, slideshows, etc.)

It sounds like you don't appreciate your BIL to be, or his efforts. How nice of you to 'let' him use your likeness... that should be worth a fortune, no? If he is just someone with a point & shoot, and you're getting a disc of jpg's, so be it. But if he has even a little experience doing this, ask how much time he'll really be putting into this wedding. You may be surprised... and a little embarrassed.

eta - to answer the OP's question, do they realize the huge discount they are recieving on your work, and was that part of the deal (that your work IS your gift to them)? 'Normal' clients wouldn't get that discount, so it's like taking money out of your bank account & handing it to them.

Message edited by author 2010-04-26 03:46:34.
04/26/2010 03:55:44 AM · #7
Originally posted by rossbilly:

Originally posted by glockguy:

...He should have offered anyways, but, meh, such is life.


Forgive me, but that's a bit arrogant. Why should her brother have to miss out on the joy of his own sister's wedding? Surely you realize the huge amount of work involved? There are a LOT of wedding photographers who refuse to shoot their own family's weddings. If you're working, you aren't free to actually enjoy the day. Most families feel exactly like you, then get mad when the photographer doesn't want to do everything free (including the album, wall prints, canvases, slideshows, etc.)

It sounds like you don't appreciate your BIL to be, or his efforts. How nice of you to 'let' him use your likeness... that should be worth a fortune, no? If he is just someone with a point & shoot, and you're getting a disc of jpg's, so be it. But if he has even a little experience doing this, ask how much time he'll really be putting into this wedding. You may be surprised... and a little embarrassed.



sorry, I should have qualified the comment....and not to get personal but...

His 2 week all inclusive vacation to Jamaica has been paid for by myself and my fiance.....We (incl. his sister, my fiance) were hoping that perhaps it would had been offered. Perhaps that was naive. I am not here to comment on my BIL. Just on the situ....

In any event, it doesnt matter. We are happy that he is coming, and thanks to this site, I can definitely take some amazing pictures! (using a timer/remote)

I am not going to get into this with anyone on here, I was just stating my take on the situation at hand.

I concur, if you are a guest that was invited...............
04/26/2010 04:15:06 AM · #8
You already sound bitter about his not offering, but where is the contract that spells out his obligation? If both sides merely 'assume' what should happen, then you are both likely to end up frustrated or even angry. Again, no offense intended, but this has 'family drama' written all over it. I'd rather you be mad at me for being honest, than spend years being upset with your BIL or even fighting with your new bride. Having seen this story play out dozens of times online, I truly hope things work out for the best (for ALL of you). But its already sounding like the same old story:

"I worked my butt off, worked the entire 'vacation', spent days & days editing / photoshopping / ordering / paying for tons of product, and they STILL aren't happy."

VS.

"We paid for his vacation (but expected him to work every day & give us the world), and now we're mad because we didn't have the sense to agree on terms beforehand."

Best of luck, and I truly hope your family avoids a very bad start.
04/26/2010 04:22:11 AM · #9
I meant to say, "without getting into details", and "just cause you got a cool camera, doesn't mean...."

honestly, forget that i said anything.....

Photography is inherently subjective, and hence so are the replies to forum comments..........
04/26/2010 06:26:55 AM · #10
I would have assumed that doing it for a highly reduced rate was your gift, but if it wasn't stated that way, you might have a problem.
04/26/2010 08:03:00 AM · #11
Originally posted by vawendy:

I would have assumed that doing it for a highly reduced rate was your gift, but if it wasn't stated that way, you might have a problem.


Have to agree here...maybe you should find a way to REITERATE to them that your HUGE reduction in fee IS their gift. Just curious, why would you do the wedding, but not the reception?
04/26/2010 09:26:39 PM · #12
Originally posted by LindaLee:

Originally posted by vawendy:

I would have assumed that doing it for a highly reduced rate was your gift, but if it wasn't stated that way, you might have a problem.


Have to agree here...maybe you should find a way to REITERATE to them that your HUGE reduction in fee IS their gift. Just curious, why would you do the wedding, but not the reception?


I think they understood how much of a discount I was giving them so they said that the wedding and the formals would be enough. Of course since I am going to be AT the reception what am I going to do? Leave my camera in the car? Probably not :) Maybe that will my gift to them? Something to ponder...
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