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05/27/2008 07:40:08 PM · #1 |
Ive been photographing some contract parties for some of my friends or friends of friends as it is easy, hard to mess up, great money and a lot of fun. My last job was for a 21st b day and halfway through the night, one of my clients friends was all over me. I have a girlfriend and tried to ignore her but she was very persuasive, frank and even though she was a elementary teacher..... lets just say if the roles were reversed, I'd be in jail. I never let anything happen or gave any signals but also never said anything forceful to stop her as there was 1 booked bride of mine and 2 possibles. Now she is emailing me and texting me constantly, and the 21 year old is furious because I hurt her feelings, and the entire party thinks I was in the wrong. While this is the worst it has ever been, things like this happen a lot when I am shooting and I was wondering if anyone has any advice?
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05/27/2008 08:02:34 PM · #2 |
Notice the flood of sympathy for your predicament? ;-) This happens to me all the time. ...but my models are typically woodies, so it's kinda creepy.
Sorry, no useful advice. Only a tiny amount of sympathy and a smile. ;-) |
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05/27/2008 08:05:43 PM · #3 |
| yeah, well this isnt a joke actually, and its not like the girl was in anyway um.... my type. Her little stunts could have caused me up to 9k in wedding fees, so its kinda serious to me. |
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05/27/2008 08:10:24 PM · #4 |
What I find outrageous is that when it's a woman "applying the pressure" it's a giggle, when it's a man, it's a felony. That, IMO, is a crime. Literally.
You need to be more forceful. Tell them that what they are doing is completely inappropriate and that they had better stop *now* or you'll let the person who contracted you to shoot know that a certain guest is interfering with your ability to do your job. |
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05/27/2008 08:14:14 PM · #5 |
Originally posted by kirbic:
What I find outrageous is that when it's a woman "applying the pressure" it's a giggle, when it's a man, it's a felony. That, IMO, is a crime. Literally.
You need to be more forceful. Tell them that what they are doing is completely inappropriate and that they had better stop *now* or you'll let the person who contracted you to shoot know that a certain guest is interfering with your ability to do your job. |
I pretty much agree. I'd tell her, politely but firmly, that I had a SO and she'd just be wasting her time, as well as that you were there to do a job. If she persisted I'd take kirbic's stance. |
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05/27/2008 08:15:16 PM · #6 |
| I'm sorry for your predicament. Sexual harrassment is not fun for anyone. The only thing I could suggest is wear a fake wedding band when your on the job. I worked retail and used to get a lot of old guys and drunks hitting on me and that stopped 90% of the issues before it got out of hand. |
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05/27/2008 08:20:12 PM · #7 |
You could just stop brushing your teeth. :)
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05/27/2008 08:20:52 PM · #8 |
Originally posted by CarpeLumen:
yeah, well this isnt a joke actually, and its not like the girl was in anyway um.... my type. Her little stunts could have caused me up to 9k in wedding fees, so its kinda serious to me. |
Although I agree completely with both  Art Roflmao and kirbic, if she wasn't um "your type" and if she was coming on so strong then why oh why didn't you put her off or flat out say "NO" and walk away?!?
-dave
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05/27/2008 08:23:02 PM · #9 |
| I suspect because he didn't want to upset his client by upsetting her guest? |
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05/27/2008 08:23:19 PM · #10 |
| I wanted to say something, but I guess you just dont want to start a scene.... I did move to the opposite side of the limo, the long way, but she followed. |
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05/27/2008 08:32:56 PM · #11 |
Originally posted by CarpeLumen:
... one of my clients friends was all over me. I have a girlfriend and tried to ignore her but she was very persuasive...
...things like this happen a lot when I am shooting and I was wondering if anyone has any advice? |
I'm primarily a landscape photographer whose never had a landscape, a plant or animal in the wild ever make improper advances but have this advice...
Just do your job and divorce yourself from the rest. At parties people are loosened up so might do most anything. Keep that in mind and keep it separate from the job at hand. If you don't it will degrade the photography. :)
As time goes on you will find it rare that anyone falls for the photographer at an event unless the photographer tries to make it happen.
I, of course, am pure and would never do such a thing.
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05/27/2008 08:35:18 PM · #12 |
Originally posted by CarpeLumen:
I wanted to say something, but I guess you just dont want to start a scene.... I did move to the opposite side of the limo, the long way, but she followed. |
Just my opinion at that point I wouldnt worry about upsetting the client as if the other lady is coming on that strong then no matter what you will prob upset the client but she would prob get over you putting off sexual advances from one of her friends FAR EASIER than thinking you led her friend on at the party and then changing your mind...
-dave
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05/27/2008 08:50:31 PM · #13 |
| ^ great point.... thanks I didnt think about it like that |
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05/27/2008 08:53:07 PM · #14 |
| Honestly, this has happened many times to me on wedding shoots. Yes even after showing the ring. See guys have this reputation for wanting anything that wants us. Now this is true in some cases but most of us are not like that. It is a crime that when a woman hits on a guy and the guy says no its ok, but turn that around and you are getting caught up in some really bad juju. What I have done is smile nice and walk away. It sounds as though this wasn't an option, however, there are times when you have to put your foot down. If that means loosing some business then so be it. The client who hired you should but won't always understand. And the reputation you get for being a stand up guy will pay dividends in the end as most people don't want a photographer who is more intrested in sex than doing his job. Just my 2 cents. |
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05/27/2008 08:54:43 PM · #15 |
Just start talking about digital workflow, metadata, and the pros and cons of current copyright law and how it relates to you as a photographer. If that doesn't work, I resort to discussing the different grades of coal (although that backfired on me once, when I met a girl who's hobby happened to be macro mineral photography).
Either that, or use this on her...
Message edited by author 2008-05-27 20:57:12. |
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05/27/2008 08:57:45 PM · #16 |
Fart .... and then ..... blame her. Always works. Even better in public.
Message edited by author 2008-05-27 21:00:09. |
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05/27/2008 09:11:17 PM · #17 |
| I did do something mean, I told her to look at my 580ex and hit her with a 1/1 at 2ft away when no one was looking, she rubbed her eyes for 30secs and scowled and then went back to business as usual. This was kinda stupid as I heard that doing that can hurt your eyes. |
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05/27/2008 09:15:30 PM · #18 |
| Pimping ain't easy brother. But i agree with Cryan's remarks. |
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05/27/2008 09:19:21 PM · #19 |
Hey if I can stare at the sun every day at noon in quiet worship to give thanks for life, I am sure she can handle a little flash.
Seriously though, this is probably a fantasy of a lot of male and maybe some female photographers, however that is just a fantasy. It is... appalling that this sort of thing is acceptable for women to do when it would be an instant ticket to jail for a guy to do. Maybe you should stop wearing deodorant and doing some extra working out...
Then again if you believe the scientists on tv that might have the opposite effect.
Maybe set up a camera (No audio) showing her coming onto you after being pushed away. Then threatening suing her. |
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05/27/2008 09:23:15 PM · #20 |
| I carry a wallet sized photo of my daughter, It really works. Being ugly helps too. |
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05/27/2008 09:35:42 PM · #21 |
| Or you could carry a Valtrex prescription with you, and accidentally show it to her... |
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05/27/2008 09:41:51 PM · #22 |
i think rules dictate no drinking & no messing with the guests
(and bring your SigificantOther as an assistant ...) |
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05/27/2008 09:44:37 PM · #23 |
| Hell hath no fury like a women spurned. As Kirbic said above. Yet this behaviour is a fact of life. Liquor usually exacerbates it too. You have to consider taking along a chaperon, perhaps. Or you have to stop being the nice guy and say what you mean with both body and linguistic language. |
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05/27/2008 10:06:39 PM · #24 |
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05/27/2008 10:14:13 PM · #25 |
| I asked me mum as she is a wise lady. She says you need to file a harassment notice with your local police as well as file for a restraining order. She is concerned also that since this girl does not seem to take no for an answer that your girlfriend might come under harms way if this girl sees your relationship as an obstacle. Another thing, you need to tell your girlfriend if you have not. Explain to her what is going on and that you are trying to deal with it and why you are handling it in the way you are. |
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