Good evening! - DPChallenge Forums

02/15/2006 01:04:21 PM · #9404

Hey! I need to get my head back in the game.

02/15/2006 01:07:08 PM · #9405

A woman walks into a veterinarian's waiting room dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. The rabbit obviously does not want to be there.

"Sit, Fluffy!" she says. Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer's lap, getting water all over him.

"I said sit, now there's a good Fluffy," says the woman, slightly embarrassed.

Fluffy, wet already, squats in the middle of the room and urinates. The woman, mortally embarrassed, shouts, - "Darn it, Fluffy, will you be good?!"

Fluffy then starts a fight with a Doberman and pursues it out of the office. As the woman leaves to go after it, she turns to the rest of the flabbergasted customers and says:

"Please pardon me... I just washed my hare, and can't do a damn thing with it!"

Message edited by author 2006-02-15 13:07:26.

02/15/2006 01:08:40 PM · #9406

JUST FAUX FUN

"Can you loan me faux dollars ?"
"What faux ?"
"To buy faux diamonds."

"What do you need with faux diamonds ?"
"I have sixteen, but I need faux more."

"Okay, why do you need twenty faux diamonds ?"
"No, just twenty, not twenty-faux ."

"You CAN'T be faux real ! Besides, I don't have faux dollars."
"Thanks faux nothing !"

"Why do you REALLY need faux dollars ?"
"Well, it's faux pas."

"And why does pas need faux dollars ?"
"'Cause Ma SPENT all of his !"

Canon EF 70-200mm f/4.0L USM

02/15/2006 01:09:25 PM · #9407

By FAR the worse one I've found yet. But just for you guys I'll keep looking.

Skyarcher

Canon EOS-5D

02/15/2006 01:17:40 PM · #9408

groannnnn
;)

02/15/2006 01:17:58 PM · #9409

A metaphorical morality play in one scene:

"Knock, knock..."

"Who's there?"

"Faux."

"Faux who?"

"Faux gawdsake, shut up and open the door, it's freezing out here!"

Robt.

Message edited by author 2006-02-15 13:36:29.

Tamron AF 28-300mm f/3.5-6.3 XR Di LD Aspherical IF for Canon

02/15/2006 01:30:27 PM · #9410

Nice one Bear.

Riponlady

Panasonic Lumix DMC-FZ35

02/15/2006 01:30:50 PM · #9411

If you don't mind me joining the conversation......
This reminds me of a sketch by two great comics, The Two Ronnies..

A man walks into a hardware shop
"I want four candles"
Assistant returns with four candles
"No I want four candles"
Assistant: "I've given you four candles"
"No, not four candles ......I want four candles.....'andles for forks"!"

The sketch is continues with several more such misunderstandings and is much funnier in sppech than written down, believe me!
P

02/15/2006 01:32:39 PM · #9412

The Hunchback of Notre Dame croaks so they need to find a new bell-ringer.

A guy with no arms comes along and says he can do it.
"But you've got no arms... you can't do this job!" says the church leader.
The new applicant shouts back - "Sure I can... I'll do it with my mouth!"

So the church hires him and he starts his bell-ringing duties the next day.
He begins ringing the bell using only his mouth, but the bell is so heavy, it tosses him out the window to the ground and splatters him dead.

He's lying dead on the ground and a big crowd gathers around him.
"Who is that guy?" one person says.

"I don't know says another, but his face sure rings a bell..."

02/15/2006 01:34:38 PM · #9413

Originally posted by Riponlady:

Sooo Funny thanks a bunch!

02/15/2006 01:36:03 PM · #9414

Originally posted by brizmama:

"I don't know says another, but his face sure rings a bell..."

GROANNNNNNNNN. That's such an old chestnut, and it still makes me laugh every time I read it...

R.

02/15/2006 01:37:02 PM · #9415

I'll have sides splitting in here in no time.

02/15/2006 01:38:09 PM · #9416

Ted: Last night my computer died.
Ned: What did it die of?
Ted: A terminal illness

02/15/2006 01:40:57 PM · #9417

There's a Catholic parish here on Cape Cod that draws its parishoners from a wide area, and they are predominately elderly. As the years have passed, fewer and fewer of them are able to drive; so the parish bought a bus and hired a driver. Every Sunday they go around and pick up their parisihioners and bus them to the church.

They call it "mass transit"...

R.

02/15/2006 01:42:07 PM · #9418

OHHH! That is SO bad. ROFL!

02/15/2006 01:44:01 PM · #9419

Did you hear about the pirate who was standing in the middle of his treasure pile looking at it and started weeping inconsolably? One of his crew members asked him why, and he replied disconsolately "Because my booty is only shin-deep!"

R.

Message edited by author 2006-02-15 13:44:55.

02/15/2006 01:47:33 PM · #9420

Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.

Yes sir, it's fresh ground.

Canon EF 24-105mm f/4.0L IS

02/15/2006 01:47:57 PM · #9421

that one was a little... weak. LOL

ShutterPug

Canon EOS-6D

02/15/2006 01:57:14 PM · #9422

Bumper Stickers for the Bush 2004 Campaign
Bumper Stickers for the Bush 2004 Campaign

Bush/Cheney '04: Four More Wars

Bush/Cheney '04: Leave No Billionaire Behind

Bush/Cheney '04: Deja-Voodoo All Over Again!

Bush/Cheney '04: Compassionate Colonialism

Bush/Cheney '04: Because the Truth Just Isn't Good Enough

Bush/Cheney '04: Making the World a Better Place, One Country at a Time

Bush/Cheney '04: Over a Billion Whoppers Served.

Bush/Cheney '04: Putting the "Con" in Conservative

Bush/Cheney '04: Thanks for Not Paying Attention.

Bush/Cheney '04: The Last Vote You'll Ever Have to Cast

Bush/Cheney: Asses of Evil

Bush/Cheney '04: We're Gooder!

Bush/Cheney '04: This Time, Elect Us!

George W. Bush: The Buck Stops Over There

George W. Bush: A Brainwave Away from the Presidency

Don't think. Vote Bush!

More Trees, Less Bush

It Takes a Village Idiot

One Person, One Vote (*May Not Apply in Certain States)

Bring Back Monica Lewinsky

ShutterPug

Canon EOS-6D

Canon EF 24-105mm f/4.0L IS

02/15/2006 01:57:56 PM · #9423

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious
Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
Nope, no more booze for me.
Sorry, but you're not really my type.
Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.
Oh, I just couldn't.
No one wants to hear me sing.
Sorry I'm being such a jackass.

ShutterPug

Canon EOS-6D

Canon EF 24-105mm f/4.0L IS

02/15/2006 01:58:42 PM · #9424

We Don't Serve Beer to Bears in Bars in Billings
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.
The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.
The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."
The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."
Te bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."