The Backfire Of Living In Paradise
by aledfcComment by KiwiShotz: ::: Critique Club :::
Ok, so it bombed at the box office. The voter/commenters didn't have the benefit of your comments so lets look at it in some depth and see where that leads us.
First Impression - the most important one:
Not unlike your commenters, the haze is a great dissapointment to seeing what this image is about. I read the title and didn't connect it with the challenge. So I guess the initial reaction of confusion or conflicting signals causes people to quickly hit a low number and move on. Let's see if we can fix that.
Reading your comments, I really think this was a valid idea. What you were intending to convey was the human downside of industrial expansionism. I don't know what you cropped out of the bottom part of the frame but it has left your Point of Interest (the housing) teetering on the edge of the frame about to fall off.
Perhaps the foreground is not
hazy. That would be a plus. The contrast between clear and haze would show pollution. As it is, the haze looks like an over-exposure and a mistake.
Also, by leaving in some of the foreground, the housing development moves up onto a thirds line which puts it right where the eye naturally goes. Even better because you are on a hill and there are houses all down in front of you. They would add a sense of scale and perspective.
I think you could have made your point using the title. Somwething like "Backfire of Industrial Development" would convey your message. It would also tell the viewer that the hazy, messy image was deliberate, that you don't like it and that this is your protest.
Technical (Colour and light):
There's nothing you can do about the haze so as we've discussed above, turn it into a deliberate feature and it would work for you rather than against you.
You had a really good idea here. It didn't come off but the margin between success and failure is sometimes quite small. Don't be defensive and attack the idea with gusto, confidence and committment will show in your image.
By the way, I really admired your Shutter Speed entry. That was a gutsy and difficult task. With that kind of imagination and tenacity, you're going to get a hit oneday.
This was fun, thanks for the opportunity