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02/19/2008 06:27:56 PM · #1
I am a moderator in a chat room. In this particular chat room the community uses great grammar, punctuation, etc - no abbreviations like you would find in a ton of other chat rooms. New people often take a while to adjust.

One day someone new comes in, doesn't respect the conventions of the community, and other people are giving him a hard time because he isn't getting with the program. As a moderator, I feel I should step in, and I nicely explain to him what he should do differently to have a better experience, and he doesn't really understand, and although I am a bit exasperated I put that aside and try to explain again, and he says (with poorer grammar):

"You're not very nice, are you?"

This was years ago and, while it doesn't sting like it did at first, I have the feeling I'll always remember it.




Do I think SC's infallible? Of course not. But I will never understand why some people are so quick to jump on them.
02/19/2008 06:50:57 PM · #2
People jump on mods/SC because it is far far easier to take out one's anger/frustration on 'the man' than it is to address whatever it is inside the person that is causing the problem/misunderstanding.

Not to mention the fact that because of the relative anonymity of the internet, many people feel that they can get away with being rude/socially unacceptable because a)nobody really knows who they are and b)it's not "real".

Just my 2 cents.

Sara
02/20/2008 09:58:15 AM · #3
I wouldn't take something too personally from someone I've never met. I'm a 'super-mod' on an automotive forum and I get all kinds of feedback, rude or otherwise. They don't know me personally so I don't get worked up over anything they might say about me. I have also come to expect bad writing/spelling/grammar since a majority of the users on my forum are young adults who have grown up in the texting culture, but it doesn't mean I find it any more acceptable.

That said, if the users of your forum/chat room are big sticklers for grammar and spelling (as are many in mine) let the community teach the offenders ("it takes a village"). The person will eventually change or leave. Unless your chat room's purpose is about proper writing/spelling/grammar, then it's probably not stated anywhere as a prerequisite for membership and as a moderator you shouldn't be stepping in to tell them to write better anyway. That's my $.02. :)
02/20/2008 10:44:08 AM · #4
I'm a mod on a trade related forum and we recently had to ban a member after repeated warnings about offensive, nasty remarks and the use of sexually explicit avatars. Disagreement often happens between the members on non-work topics, but most members have learned to disagree and debate a topic on a mature level.
02/20/2008 05:50:59 PM · #5
Well, Creature, your post makes some sense, but the community at the time was very over-sensitive to bad grammar/spelling and were really giving him a hard time instead of explaining clearly. So I thought I'd explain clearly - not, as a mod, saying "if you don't do this you'll be in trouble from me". I just didn't like to sit by and see anybody be having difficulties, but perhaps it would have been easier if I'd stayed out of it.

*shrug*
02/21/2008 10:03:05 AM · #6
^ gotcha ... sounds like your approach was fine and in good will, so he must have just misconstrued it. Try not to let it bother you anymore. :)
02/21/2008 12:57:50 PM · #7
"You're not very nice, are you?"

Please allow me to give a unique perspective...This person has given you a great honor, Kelly!

I know that I want this honor bestowed upon me! I don't ever want to be called a nice person again. Why? Because the origins of the word, Nice, are "worlds away" from today's meanings.

For what it's worth, my Dad taught me that there conditions of life that are much more important than being popular. (We must always remember that before they became adults, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and the Olsen Twins were all very popular.)

"To base one's personal worth on popularity is about as wise as storing a snowball in an active fireplace,...and lasts just about as long." Winston Middlesbrough

According to Webster's On-Line Dictionary,

"'nice' 5 entries found.
nice, Nice, Nicaea, make[1,verb], nice-nelly

Main Entry: nice
Pronunciation: \ˈnîs\
Function: adjective
Inflected Form(s): nic·er; nic·est
Etymology: Middle English, foolish, wanton, from Anglo-French, silly, simple, from Latin nescius ignorant, from nescire not to know more at nescience
Date: 14th century
1 obsolete a: wanton, dissolute b: coy, reticent
2 a: showing fastidious or finicky tastes : particular <too nice a palate to enjoy junk food> b: exacting in requirements or standards : punctilious <a nice code of honor>
3: possessing, marked by, or demanding great or excessive precision and delicacy <nice measurements>
4obsolete : trivial

(What a wide chasm between yesterday and today!)

5 a: pleasing, agreeable <a nice time> <a nice person> b: well-executed <nice shot> c: appropriate, fitting <not a nice word for a formal occasion>
6 a: socially acceptable : well-bred <from a nice family> b: virtuous, respectable <was taught that nice girls don't do that>
7: polite, kind <that's nice of you to say>
synonyms see 'correct'"

Finally, to demonstrate my belief that popularity must not dictate value, I assert to you that the word, "obsolete" in a dictionary definition is merely the expression of human opinion. The original, root meanings of words or lives only become obsolete when we choose to agree with popular opinion.

Take courage for you are a wise woman, even with "few trips around the sun!" Go forth courageously, Strong Lady! :)
02/21/2008 01:37:18 PM · #8
Kelly, being a moderator sucks on many levels. It is a thankless, misunderstood job with many more detractors than advocates.

You will put in long hours, put up with abuse from self-centered, arrogant, and pedantic people who will be the first to tell you what you're doing wrong yet are the type of people that nobody in their right mind would either elect or appoint as moderators themselves because of their attitudes.

Unless you have walked in those shoes, NOBODY can understand all the grief and aggravation that is involved and on a daily basis yet.

The rewards are giving for the right reasons and to help in such a manner as to make a site valuable, as only dedicated and devoted volunteers can make it.

You will very rarely get acknowledgement from the masses, just whining, griping, and in the worst cases, outright abuse and personal attacks.

When it gets too much, and you lose sleep or have no life, get out while you have your sanity.

I know more people with bad experiences than good as site help, yet to a man/woman, they all took something special away from the experience.

I have friends all over the globe to this day from a two and a half year tour of duty as a list admin five years ago that ended horribly with much abuse being heaped on three of us, by the site owners as an adjunct to a problem created by themselves, no less.

We resigned gracefully rather than make a giant issue of it for the good of the membership and our sanity, but something very special was lost, too.

Yet it was an irreplaceable experience on so many levels I cannot possibly list them all.

Suffice it to say that at the time it assisted me in my business in such a manner that my customers reaped many rewards from my having the awesome resource of the site available.

I learned a lot of computer skills and believe it or not, people skills, too.

So.....do this for you, for the site, and for the core group of people who are your community on a good weather, and bad weather basis in the everyday back & forth of life.

Best wishes!
02/21/2008 03:01:50 PM · #9
My job is kind of a go-between between three major divisions of the company (engineering, fabrication and assembly). The other day I was talking to one of my bosses and he said "with your job, if everyone is just a little pissed off at you, you're doing a good job."
02/21/2008 07:20:12 PM · #10
All these replies have certainly made me smile. :-)

In the chat room I am a moderator at, it's set up so that no mod needs to spend the long hours or spend every day, and the demands are minimal - that's why I'm appreciative of people who *do* do it on a daily basis and have more expectations of them. Basically, if *I've* had the hassle and occasional hurt feeling (which I do get over, but still it'd be nice not to have that in the first place), how much worse would it be for those other mods.

I feel like I need a t-shirt now that says

I'm a moderator...
and I'm not nice

LOL!
02/22/2008 09:39:02 AM · #11
You said do-do ... hehheh.
02/22/2008 11:40:33 AM · #12
Originally posted by NikonJeb:

Kelly, being a moderator sucks on many levels. It is a thankless, misunderstood job with many more detractors than advocates.

You will put in long hours, put up with abuse from self-centered, arrogant, and pedantic people who will be the first to tell you what you're doing wrong yet are the type of people that nobody in their right mind would either elect or appoint as moderators themselves because of their attitudes.

Unless you have walked in those shoes, NOBODY can understand all the grief and aggravation that is involved and on a daily basis yet.

The rewards are giving for the right reasons and to help in such a manner as to make a site valuable, as only dedicated and devoted volunteers can make it.

You will very rarely get acknowledgement from the masses, just whining, griping, and in the worst cases, outright abuse and personal attacks.

When it gets too much, and you lose sleep or have no life, get out while you have your sanity.

I know more people with bad experiences than good as site help, yet to a man/woman, they all took something special away from the experience.

I have friends all over the globe to this day from a two and a half year tour of duty as a list admin five years ago that ended horribly with much abuse being heaped on three of us, by the site owners as an adjunct to a problem created by themselves, no less.

We resigned gracefully rather than make a giant issue of it for the good of the membership and our sanity, but something very special was lost, too.

Yet it was an irreplaceable experience on so many levels I cannot possibly list them all.

Suffice it to say that at the time it assisted me in my business in such a manner that my customers reaped many rewards from my having the awesome resource of the site available.

I learned a lot of computer skills and believe it or not, people skills, too.

So.....do this for you, for the site, and for the core group of people who are your community on a good weather, and bad weather basis in the everyday back & forth of life.

Best wishes!


I read all of this with great interest and could have sworn you were describing the life of a police officer... much maligned and little understood.

Prime time member of the "Damned if you do and Damned if you Don't" club.

Ray
02/22/2008 12:35:49 PM · #13
Originally posted by RayEthier:

I read all of this with great interest and could have sworn you were describing the life of a police officer... much maligned and little understood.

Prime time member of the "Damned if you do and Damned if you Don't" club.

Ray

Yeah......

Not that it covers the added attraction of being shot at and/or having things thrown at you, et al, but you do at least get paid for being a cop.

List admins/moderators for the most part don't get paid.

It is a little harder to get hurt by people throwing virtual stones, though!......8>)

Message edited by author 2008-02-22 12:36:25.
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